Warren

Warren, MA · LATEST NEWS
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Worcester Telegram & Gazette
hcspire.com
HC Accounting Department Confirmed Fake
WORCESTER, MA— Confirming a suspicion already held by a majority of students, President Vincent Rougeau announced on Friday that the entire accounting department at College of the Holy Cross is indeed fake. “It’s true–the major exists entirely to drive students towards programs like English and Political Science, disciplines that actually have professors and courses here,” said Rougeau, adding that he was impressed the college administration had managed to keep up the ruse for several decades since the major’s “introduction” in 1987. “We’ve been extremely successful in this endeavor,” reported Rougeau, “96.4% of students who initially declare an accounting major switch to something in the humanities within six months. We’re still working hard to get that figure up to 100%.” Rougeau then went on to explain how if students attempt to enroll in upper-level accounting courses like ACCT 275 – Corporate Finance or ACCT 382 – Auditing, they will simply receive an error notice of Iggy the Crusader wearing a construction hat saying “Whoops! The course you are trying to take is completely fictional!” on STAR. “These courses only exist in the digital realm to give the impression of a department,” continued Rougeau. “Of course, we do have to offer intro-level courses for those naive freshmen set on being accountants, but we try our best to make those classes as mundane and mind-numbing as humanly possible so that any reasonable person would switch into something more interesting like psychology or philosophy, lest they go insane.” At the end of the press conference, Rougeau assured the audience that the College was doing everything in its power to track down and detain Bill McKay ’98, the only student to ever successfully graduate with an accounting degree.
high-profile.com
thisweekinworcester.com
Paxton fire vehicle crashes near Paxton Center School while responding to call
A Paxton Fire Department vehicle crashed near Paxton Center School shortly before 8 a.m. Thursday, Nov. 5, while responding to an emergency on West Street, the department said. The department member driving the fire vehicle suffered minor injuries and went to a local hospital for evaluation, as department policy requires....
spencerjournal.com
theworcesterguardian.org
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worcestermag.com
shcsnews.org
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hot969boston.com
UMass Memorial Health, Ronald McDonald House New England Debut Third-Generation Care Mobile in Worcester
UMass Memorial Health and Ronald McDonald House New England unveiled a new third-generation Ronald McDonald Care Mobile in Worcester. The mobile health clinic delivers primary care, preventive dental services, immunizations, health screenings, and health education to schools and community sites. A ribbon-cutting event took place on Tuesday, Nov. 3, attended...
thisweekinworcester.com
Worcester State wins state grant to build paid co-op program
Worcester State University will design a paid cooperative education program with help from a state grant announced Friday, Nov. 6. The first students could begin placements in the 2027-28 academic year. The state awarded a combined $60,000 to Worcester State and UMass Dartmouth. Worcester State plans co-ops in municipal and...