Don’t let your habits turn bad

Edith Wharton, the first woman to win a Pulitzer Prize, once said, “The producer of old age is habit: the deathly process of doing the same thing in the same way at the same hour day after day, first from carelessness, then from inclination, at last from cowardice or inertia. Habit is necessary; but it is the habit of having careless habits, of turning a trail into a rut, that must be incessantly fought against if one is to remain alive. … One can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things and happy in small ways.”

This passage was edited by author James Clear in his weekly newsletter.

Habits are tricky. We have things that we do, day in and day out, that we may not see as much as habits, but more of part of what makes us who we are. Sometimes habits become so ingrained in us, it is hard to distinguish which ones need to be changed, which could be better or which are simply true to our core of who we are. When I thought about which habits in my life are done out of carelessness, I tried to think of one from athletics, and one from my life now, and I realized how hard it is to decide which habits are necessary in our daily lives, which are not, and which can be changed for the better.

When I was still in college and playing soccer, I had habits I was particular about doing at the same time each day because 1) they fit into my schedule best that day and 2) I felt they helped me perform better. But, because I was so accustomed and comfortable with the routine, I did not leave room to question if I should make any changes to my daily schedule. Our training time was slated for 3-6 p.m. every day.

This did not mean we were on the field for three hours, but this was the time we were not allowed to schedule classes because it usually took that time to wrap up meetings, training, and showers. So, this meant that every morning before class was my only time to get in an extra training session, and it could be in the weight room, on the field or a conditioning session.

I never once stopped to question if this was a good idea — it just became a thoughtless routine. Alarm went off, I woke up, got dressed and walked to the locker room. I never stopped to question, “Did I sleep enough? Am I sick? Should I take a break until after exams?”

Looking back, there were many times my performance likely would have been better with another 90 minutes of sleep, or if I had gone to enjoy a breakfast with my teammates before our first classes. At the time, though, I rationalized that doing more, training extra and trying to constantly prove my worth to my coaches was the best thing. I did not allow myself the flexibility to consider, “What if it is not always the best thing?”  Even though doing extra sounds like a good thing, doing it thoughtlessly and carelessly is what (I think) Edith Wharton is warning us about.

As I write this, I am laughing to myself because, while I am aware that more sleep (sometimes) could have been better for me in college, I still have not fully learned that lesson. To this day, when my alarm goes off, my routine is pretty similar and it is rare that I question if I could make a better decision than exercising early each morning. However, I do think it is progress for me to at least start to question it every now and then.

Now that I am working and much of “adulting” seems to be one habit or routine after another day in and day out, I can see how Wharton’s wisdom is even more applicable. Each morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is go out to our porch to meditate. While this sounds like a great thing and such a good habit (sometimes it is), I have also noticed that at times, I am not prepared to focus and calm my mind, and it becomes 10 minutes of me just sitting down with racing thoughts in my head about what I need to do afterwards and I miss a lot of the purpose and benefit to meditation. Sometimes, it would probably be more beneficial to me to wait until the afternoon, when I have had a chance to knock some things off the day’s list and simply take my time to calm down and focus — that would pay off more than just trying to stick with a routine.

Habits can really be good or bad. I once heard someone say that instead of viewing things as good and bad, or right and wrong, it can be easier to ask ourselves, “Is this moving me in the direction I hope to go?”

Whenever we are unsure about how a habit may be affecting us, this could be an easier way to decide which are worth keeping and which could be worth revisiting. It is also important to remember that we each have our own directions in which we hope to go, and our habits may look different from those of the people around us, and that’s OK. Just check in and make sure they are still working for you every now and then and they are not “turning a trail into a rut.”

E.J. Proctor Story, a 2014 graduate of Fike High, was the starting goalkeeper for Duke’s 2015 NCAA runner–up year, 2016 Elite 8 finish and 2017 Final Four finish. Currently the Duke record holder for shutouts and goals against average, she went on to play one season professionally with the Utah Royals FC after graduating from Duke. Now back in Wilson, E.J. is assisting with coaching youth soccer players and is employed as the Lead Physical Therapist for Wilson County Schools.

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