'We would have done anything to help her': City faces daunting level of domestic violence

Carolyn Key saw the best in everybody — especially her husband.

"She believed in her husband. She protected him," said her sister, Donna Gray. "She protected him way more than she probably should have, but that's just the way she was."

Carolyn met her husband, James Key, online in 2004. Within a few months, she moved to Birmingham, Alabama, to be with him, and they were married a year later.

For most of the nearly 19 years they were together, everything seemed normal.

"She took care of him and he took care of her," Gray said. "It really didn't seem like there were really any issues."

But on April 1, James threatened to take his life. He ultimately ended up killing Carolyn, according to court records.

What happened: 'I killed Carolyn': Tallahassee man faces charges for allegedly shooting, killing wife

Carolyn is one of four victims of domestic-related shooting deaths this year and the second one to occur in the same 6500 block of Rivers Bank Way , located off Tower Road in northwest Leon County. The April shooting happened directly across the street from the earlier one.

In January, a man was killed in a shooting that stemmed from a "domestic incident" across the street from where Carolyn was killed. In that case, the man was allegedly shot in self-defense while attacking his wife.

In February, Penny Lucas was shot and killed by her husband who then shot and killed himself.

Emily Mitchem, the director of the Refuge House which helps domestic violence victims, said these deaths are tragic examples of the spike in domestic violence in Leon County.

Advocates are continually trying to bring awareness to the issue in hopes it'll save victims from being trapped in situations that can quickly turn tragic.

'I killed Carolyn'

James called 911 saying he was going to kill himself the afternoon he shot and killed Carolyn, according to court records.

Records show that Leon County Sheriff's Office deputies arrived at the Keys' home to find James sitting in the garage with blood covering his hands and face, and Carolyn, 57, dead in the kitchen .

James, 61, was arrested on a charge of homicide April 2 and is being held in the Leon County Detention Facility without bail. He is being represented by the public defender's office and hasn't entered a plea yet.

“Carolyn Key’s loss of life is a terrible tragedy," said Ryan Molaghan, the attorney representing Carolyn's family. "Our law firm is conducting a comprehensive investigation into the circumstances of Carolyn’s wrongful death, and all those who may bear responsibility for her untimely passing will be held fully accountable. Our thoughts and prayers will remain with Carolyn’s family and loved ones during our tireless effort to seek justice on their behalf.”

According to court records, as James was being transported to the hospital, he made multiple, unprovoked statements, including "I killed Carolyn" and "Why am I still here? I just killed my wife."

He fired the gun three times, according to court records.

On the last shot, James told deputies that he held the gun close to his head and pulled the trigger, but he said he passed out at this point and was unconscious for "an unknown amount of time."

The final bullet was meant for himself, he said.

James has a history of mental health issues, according to court records, and just two days prior to the fatal shooting, Carolyn had him taken into custody under the state's Baker Act, which allows people to be temporarily detained for emergency help and a mental health screening.

It wasn't the first time.

Gray said she remembers there was one night when Carolyn had called their father, who at the time lived in Crestview, to pick her up from Birmingham, Alabama, because James had been drinking and was waving a gun around.

The very next day, she said, they had him taken into custody under a Baker Act because of the incident, and James was begging for Carolyn to come back and see him.

So she went.

As his wife, Carolyn felt obligated to go, Gray said, and he often would say: "If you leave me, I'm going to kill myself."

"It was his way of controlling her," Gray said.

Both Gray and their brother Bill Woodward were always concerned about James' evident drinking problems but they never imagined this would happen.

"There's nothing that rationalizes you taking somebody else's life," Woodward said.

Domestic violence afflicting Leon County

Carolyn's shocking death amplifies issues that are more common than many may realize.

The Refuge House is seeing "unprecedented levels" of domestic violence survivors reaching out, perpetuating an upward trend that's been persisting over the years since the COVID-19 pandemic began, Mitchem said.

And these last few months are no different.

"I've been doing this a long time," she said. "But it seems to me like the level of brutality that is occurring in these domestic violence situations is just increasing."

Victims who call the organization's hotline or use its counseling services are put through a reality assessment, a series of questions to help determine how likely it is that the person could become a homicide victim.

More and more people are fitting the criteria, Mitchem said.

If there's a gun in the home, the statistics "go up through the roof as far as it potentially being a fatal domestic violence," said Maria Folsom, a victim's advocate with the Leon County Sheriff's Office.

It may take several times before the victim actually leaves, which could provide the abuser with a sense of victory over and over again, said Sgt. Paul Salvo, who worked as a detective in LCSO's violent crime unit.

There are many reasons why a person goes back to their abuser, Folsom said.

"It may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to them," she said. "So the best thing you can do is just be there and help where you can."

The most dangerous point in an abusive relationship is when the victim tries to leave because "the abuser has lost all control in that moment," she said.

Domestic violence situations are largely "unpredictable and chaotic," Salvo said, so LCSO deputies, detectives and victim advocates handle circumstances case by case.

Deputies are trained in de-escalation techniques and use them a lot when responding to these types of calls and situations, he said. "It's not just about finding bad guys, putting people in jail," he said. "We're there to help."

LCSO's victim advocates ensure that people suffering from abusive situations have the support system and the tools they need to survive the relationship. Advocates are equipped to provide people with legal advice and connect people to counseling and other resources.

Professionals talk warning signs

Domestic violence affects the whole community, Mitchem said, and it's a problem that needs to be on everyone's radar.

"We are weakened as a community when the individual members are dealing with violence and potential homicide," she said.

Salvo said some warning signs to be aware of and look for are:

• Abnormal isolation or appearing less and less at regularly scheduled plans
• Changes in routines
• Changes in the kind of clothes they wear — a sign of covering up injuries from abuse

It's really hard approaching loved ones when something doesn't seem right, Folsom said, but don't be shy and just ask. Letting the person know that you're there for them whenever they're ready to talk is important, she said.

"(Another) thing I would say that's very important is to not tell them what to do," she said. "They've already been told what to do by the abuser."

The best thing is to be "the sounding board" for the victim and just listen, she added.

'We would have done anything'

Carolyn was very private about her marriage.

Gray said she didn't really know the extent of the issues in her sister's relationship, which is very common when dealing with victims of domestic violence.

Domestic violence can be very shameful for victims, and they work very hard to hide what's going on because people want to give the impression that they are okay, Mitchem said.

It's getting harder to identify when people are struggling, and social media plays a huge role.

"You can post very carefully picked images of yourself happy and like everything's fine," she said. "Then behind closed doors, you're dealing with a nightmare."

Folsom said talking about the issue and creating awareness makes it easier for victims to say something if they're struggling.

Gray said she wishes Carolyn had spoken up.

"If there's something wrong, tell somebody, we can help," she said. "We would have done anything to help her."

How to get help

▶If you or your loved ones are struggling with domestic violence, please call the Refuge House 24/7 hotline at 850-681-2111 or email receptionists@refugehouse.com for help.

Breaking & trending news reporter Elena Barrera can be reached at ebarrera@tallahassee.com . Follow her on X: @elenabarreraaa .

This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: 'We would have done anything to help her': City faces daunting level of domestic violence