Diane Willcox and Nancy Douttiel of South Yarmouth will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary this year and Friday is a major part of the celebration. The date marks 20 years since the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision took effect allowing same-sex couples the freedom to marry.
“When we were able to be married it was monumental, a pivotal life-changing experience,” said Douttiel. “It felt like we were creating a sort of third entity that made us personally feel stronger and more connected and more grounded.”
It also brought with it a great sense of relief.
Willcox was 58 and Douttiel 60 when they married. Health issues and their legal rights were of utmost importance to them. The couple had been together for 24 years before they married. For years they carried legal paperwork in their car when they traveled, including durable power of attorney and documents giving them the power to control the disposition of the other's remains in the case of death.
“It was a relief in the sense that we knew we could protect each other,” Douttiel said.
Telling stories helps change the world
Twenty years have also brought huge changes to the lives of Gloria and Linda Bailey-Davies. Their marriage on May 17, 2004, cemented their commitment to each other, gave them legal protection, and spread the story of their love in ever widening circles, like ripples from a stone hitting the water.
“Everybody telling their stories is what changes the world,” Linda said. “It's all the people who love us who continue telling our story to their world of people who they interact with. That’s the biggest change we have noticed from 20 years ago.”
On Saturday, the Orleans couple plan to celebrate at the Arlington Street Church in Boston with hundreds of marriage equality advocates.
The date is their 20th wedding anniversary but their 53rd year of being a couple. Linda jokingly called theirs a “long engagement.” They were instrumental in getting the law passed. The two joined as plaintiffs in the case, Goodridge et al v. Department of Public Health that took them on a three-year roller coaster ride with legal victories and setbacks.
“There were so many ups and downs,” Linda said in a telephone interview on May 13.
How did Gloria and Linda Bailey-Davies get involved?
The Bailey-Davies were intimately familiar with the discrimination facing gay couples, but it was the stories they heard repeatedly in their psychotherapy practices that motivated them. Clients lost child custody battles, lost homes when their partners died or didn’t have access to medical benefits through their partners.
They were living on the Cape when they learned of the lawsuit.
“We thought, ‘Who better than us,’” Gloria said, “We had a strong relationship, supportive family, our whole church community and lots of friends on the Cape who were not gay who knew and loved us.”
The educators speak across the region
Willcox and Douttiel, were what they call the “Cape Cod arm of the Freedom to Marry” coalition during the lawsuit. They traveled from Falmouth to Provincetown speaking at PRIDE and LGBT events, churches, and before any organizations that would let them speak to people about why marriage was necessary for gay and lesbian couples. They organized busloads of people to go to the statehouse when the legislature was in session.
“We found out most people — straight and LGBT — didn't understand all the legal reasons why marriage is helpful and useful,” Douttiel said.
Growing Public Support:
Linda and Gloria credit the support they received during the legal battle for keeping them going. Their families, friends and church congregation were totally supportive. As people’s understanding of the issues grew, so did their attitudes.
According to Gallup polling, public support for gay marriage was 27% in 1996. The Massachusetts lawsuit took from 2001 to a decision in 2003, and in that time statewide support grew. The issue got a national boost from the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. It meant every state in the US had to recognize gay marriages, Gloria said. Public support for gay marriage is now more than 70%, according to Gallup polls.
“I think a lot of people never knew any regular lesbians or gay people,” Gloria said. “All they knew were negative stereotypes. What's changed is people are more comfortable telling their stories since marriage became legal."
Douttiel agreed. She said as people started learning about the gay marriage issue, minds changed, and people started to understand why it was important and beneficial.
"I think people love to hear about our story and about our love," Gloria said, adding it's like they've lived 10 lives over the course of their relationship. "I just can’t tell you how grateful we are that we’ve been so blessed, and we’ve had so much love and support for our relationship."
Denise Coffey writes about business, tourism and issues impacting the Cape’s residents and visitors. Contact her atdcoffey@capecodonline.com .
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