Don’t you just love the spring. The weather is warming, the birds are chirping, and all the plants are awakening from their winter slumber and delighting us with colorful blossoms that just – kachoo! Sorry. Allergies.
Strange isn’t it how certain things will set some people off and leave others blissfully unaffected? How can it be that something as seemingly harmless as pollen could trigger such a reaction that many of us can’t tell it apart from the onset of a nasty virus? Meanwhile, others not only feel fine but can bury their nose in a cluster of wildflowers, take a deep breath and go about their merry way.
According to health experts, an allergy is the result of mistaken identity. An allergen enters the body and is wrongly identified by the immune system as a dangerous substance. In response, the immune system makes antibodies to attack the allergen.
Wow! Some of us have really stupid immune systems!
A partial list of the more common allergens includes some understandable culprits like dust mites, insects and molds. I could see why our immune system would red flag some of those things. But pollen? What’s the big deal? It’s just a powdery substance produced by most types of flowers or seed plants for the purpose of sexual reproduction. Is this immune system censorship or something? Sheesh!
But the list of allergens doesn’t stop there. Many unlucky people are saddled with a variety of different food allergies, ranging from milk and eggs to fish and tree nuts – you know, stuff that medical experts call health food. I know someone who is allergic to corn … which is in every freaking thing in existence, thanks to the prevalence of corn syrup in modern foods. I know another person who developed an allergy to shellfish. What’s cruel about this one is that the person absolutely loves seafood, especially the stuff that lives in a shell.
If they eat the wrong thing, these poor food allergy sufferers get to endure everything from hives and skin rashes to face swelling and vomiting. Imagine eating something you love only to have it come back up a few minutes later or double the size of your lips and tongue. How frustrating!
Of course, there is a potential element of camaraderie among the allergic. Many of the things listed thus far are considered common allergens. “You’re allergic to that! Me too!” But not everyone is so lucky. Some people are allergic to things that are incredibly unique and downright baffling. This list includes sunlight, water, exercise, human touch and money. One of those allergies is bad enough but imagine suffering from them all. That would be one dark, lonely, impoverished way to live – but hey, at least you could skip the treadmill, which is good because it might make you thirsty.
Thankfully, for those who suffer from a stupid immune system, one that can’t tell the difference between flower pollen and an influenza virus, scientists have come to the rescue. As evidenced by thousands of TV commercials, there is an endless supply of allergy medications that help combat the idiocy of our antibodies and provide some relief.
Of course, like many things, these meds ain’t perfect. Some of them can no longer be purchased over the counter because someone figured out how to make street drugs out of them. (Seems that intelligence of that magnitude could be put to better use, but I digress.) Other allergy meds, meanwhile, feature side effects – yep, you might stop sneezing but wind up with blurred vision or cottonmouth instead. Man, the human body is weird!
Perhaps everything we know about healthy living is all wrong. Maybe we need to shutter ourselves in dark houses, avoid plant life and sunshine and stick to foods that while fatty and loaded with salt won’t make our throat swell shut. Nobody’s allergic to bacon, right? Sure, we might miss out on springtime and all of its beauty and color, but – kachoo! – if it helps me shake the itchy eyes and constant sneezing, it might be for the best.
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