Watching Reading Rainbow with My Daughter They Really Don’t Make TV for Kids Like This Anymore

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I am what some might call Gen X. Or others might call an ‘Elder Millennial.’ I was born in 1980. The year pretty much every single thing started to get worse for America, for the world, for the planet. I was born into the decade of ego and excess, of shallow exploitation, of greed is good, of government hijacked by private interests, of the beginning of the end when it came to having true hope to address the climate disaster we are now speeding towards.

And yet in all of this, looking back we had this one thing that kids before or since did not have. We had the golden age of PBS Kids TV. We had Reading Rainbow. We had Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. We had Bob Ross. This trifecta of men modeling healthy masculinity and goodness for the world to see, for kids to take refuge in. We had this little corner of the living room, of the culture, of hope.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Heads up, many people have. I would argue that this is the true north when it comes to what is ‘normal’ in our society. Families that are stewing in the trauma of generations and that use coping mechanisms that tend to pass on this trauma rather than heal it. Families that are caught up in the systems of capitalism and patriarchy, of inequalities of race, class, sex, of a society that places little to no actual value on families at all, on kids at all, on education, health, or support systems that build strong people, strong citizens.

Of course as soon as I gave birth to my own baby girl I wanted to do better for her, I wanted to not pass on trauma or give her new trauma. I wanted her to have ‘the perfect childhood.’ Newsflash: I think I failed. But, many of us do. I found myself in an abusive relationship - trauma anew, my child subjected to seeing the downfall of my spirit, my isolation, my internalization of things said about me - that I was ugly, that I was not talented, that I was not good at anything, that I did everything wrong. And now my child is still subjected to being around this abusive person, who, of course, does not and will not ever see themselves as abusive, as causing harm, as pushing harm. So, long story short it is up to me to heal myself from this, ongoing exposure, and to model healing for my child as she endures ongoing interaction that she will realize, one day, as a teen, as a young adult, probably messed with her mind a bit and she will have to heal and avoid passing down trauma to the next generation.

This I believe, fully, is the meaning of life. In the context we are alive in. To realize the roots of trauma, to heal it, to not pass it down, to do better, to be better, to pass this healing all over the place.

And low and behold, this was - and yes, now I am back to the original intent here - this was what was on TV during my childhood, and as many have noted, why I cry like a baby watching anything Mr. Rogers related now, as an almost 40 year old woman, still trying to heal. We saw these men modeling healthy language, healthy relationships, healthy feelings, and healthy lifestyles and activities. We saw these men talking about feelings. We saw these men address major issues in our lives - poverty, bullying, body changes, divorce, and did I mention feelings, feelings, and feelings? Because yes, feelings.

In a family where no one spoke of feelings, aside from expressing feelings of stress, anger, depression, fear, resignation to feeling these things, and so on, learning about feelings from Mr. Rogers, from LaVar Burton, was life changing. Is life changing.

I have this thing with my daughter where I do not get to see her all the time. Where I feel like I have ‘control’ over just one portion of her childhood now, and that adds a lot of stress to my life. I want it all to be so good. I want every second with her to build her up, make her happy, give her what she needs to get through life healed and strong. And I want to be in her life always, to be loved, to be mom, to be friends, to be refuge.

But when it comes to what she is interested in, she’s ten, almost eleven. And she’s into what too many ten and eleven year old kids are into today. Social media. YouTube kids. Slime and products. And when she sees some of my old stuff she does the eye roll and groan things kids tend to do about old stuff.

Today, this morning, I decided to just put on an episode of Reading Rainbow before she woke up. So that when she woke up, stumbled out of bed hair a mess, blanket in hand, adorable, she would sit next to me and watch this with me until she felt more awake. It was the episode with Koko and her Kitten. I was all but a mess from trying to hold it together. Ask any 40 year old person about Koko. Wait for the tears. Believe me, she was a major part of our lives.

And my daughter was mesmerized too. The sign language, the communication, the calm, the focus on feelings, the simple basic expressions of love. She loved it. We watched another episode. She loved it too. I had tried to show these to her before, when she was younger, but they were not really a consistent part of her life. We had the Reading Rainbow app for a while, but it was a bit costly and given that much of my life is still caught up in court battles, sadly, and in getting back on my feet, some apps have to go. But here she was this morning, watching LaVar do cool things like go to a wax museum, talk slowly and with meaning, express feelings and ask calm and important questions. And here she was this morning learning about books to read, listening to little kids who are now all old people like her mom talk about what they liked about these books. And it hit me that these shows do so much for kids. They spark so much. They feed so much.

They model what still needs to be modeled. Adults being kind. Adults being mature. Adults being calm. Adults being wise and joyful. Adults being in touch with their feelings and emotions in healthy ways. Adults mirroring ways to be adults in the grown up world that comes for us all eventually.

Much of what kids watch on YouTube is adults being the worst of kids. Being annoying. Being fast and wanting. Being loud. Being selfish. Being unkind. Being greedy. And believe me, I try to limit it. But this is their world. Her best friend has three social media channels and she is ten and I just want to burn this culture of voyeurism and immaturity to the ground for letting this stuff happen, letting this trauma-fueld nonsense exist so that kids see it, want it, model it, make it their normal.

I am making it my new year’s goal to get more Mr. Rogers, more Reading Rainbow, more 80’s healthy adult healthy masculinity healthy feelings TV into her system. Now, while my kid is still a kid, still reachable, still teachable, and I think, heads up, we all are still reachable and teachable, but it is easier when we are young, right? And yes, before you even say it, my inner child, still hurting, still healing, still struggling with the fact that trauma sticks around too long, needs these shows too. I can use them to remember. I can use them to heal. And I can make them good memories for my daughter in the hopes that she heals faster than I ever have.

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