With Covid-19 Rent Relief Now Available to Low-Income Angelenos, I'm Reminded of When I Was on Welfare

I was humiliated to receive government aid, but I shouldn't have been. No one should feel ashamed about receiving help from the government, especially not now.

Photo by Katie E.

It used to be a trip to the supermarket could fill me with shame. Simply getting into line at checkout could send a wave of humiliation washing over me.

Palms sweating, I'd anticipate the checker asking me how I was paying. When they finally did, I'd embarrassedly admit that I was paying with food stamps.

I'd bow my head in shame and hand over my electronic benefits card, all the while imagining everyone else in line was looking at me, judging me.

Look at the mooch. I wasn’t actually purchasing my groceries — the state was.

Or, rather, the taxpayer.

Photo by Oleg Magni.

I was overjoyed when I was finally earning too much money to qualify for government aid anymore. I would no longer have to feel so embarrassed at the grocery store.

I was reminded of this era in my life this week. On Monday, the City of Los Angeles
Housing + Community Investment Department announced the 2021 Covid-19 Emergency Rental Assistance Program to help Angelenos struggling to pay their rent as a result of the pandemic.

Made up of state and federal funds, this program will dedicate $235 million to help Angelenos in need pay their rent. The program will begin accepting applications on March 30.

To be eligible, at least one adult per household must have experienced financial hardship as a result of the pandemic. The household income must also be 50% below the median income in Los Angeles. For a family of four, this is $56,300.

All low-income renters are welcome to apply, regardless of their immigration status. Support to renters is finally coming at the end of a long year where many people in this city have either lost their jobs temporarily or permanently.

Many businesses have had to shutter for the short-term or altogether.

This has been an extremely difficult year for so many people in Los Angeles. And yet, I remember when having to apply for such aid would have embarrassed me, even if I desperately needed it.

I was on welfare and it humiliated me.

Blame it on the Republican family I was raised in. They believe that people go on welfare because they’re lazy. I marinated in my parents’ belief system for half my life; it couldn’t help but rub off on me.

Even if I didn’t abide by their ideas intellectually, I absorbed them.

But then after divorcing my husband, I went on welfare. My husband had bankrupted me and left me with nothing.

I still had to support two children even though their father gave me no financial help.

I had to get by somehow, so I applied for welfare medical insurance and food stamps.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin.

This was a welcome relief to me during a difficult time. And still, receiving government aid humiliated me.

The economic blow of the pandemic.

Then came the coronavirus crisis. Overnight, our lives changed.

Back in April 2020, one month into sheltering in place at home, I remember reading about thousands of cars lined up outside food banks. A month later in May, I read that two in five households with children under twelve were currently food insecure .

I was horrified. This, in the richest country in the world…

Yes, indeed.

It was enough to rinse the shame right out of me. I no longer saw myself as "normal" because I wasn't on welfare. I saw myself as lucky that I wasn't.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich.

I've simply been very fortunate. As a writer, my industry hasn't been affected like the entertainment or personal-services industries have in this city. This has nothing to do with working harder than anyone else. People have been hurting all year, and it's no fault of their own.

If you need help right now, seek it with your head held high. No one should feel embarrassed about getting government aid at a time like this.

Here's how to apply for rental relief.

The program will accept applications from March 30 to April 30. For more information click here.

Landlords and tenants can apply together, though tenants can also apply on their own.

If you're one of many Angelenos right now who can't pay their rent because of the pandemic, I hope this aid will help you. There's no shame in accepting it.