Dating website confirms Akron is for lovers | Mark J. Price

We knew it! Akron is for lovers!

According to a new poll, our fair community is the No. 1 Ohio city where people would move for romance. In fact, it’s No. 11 in the nation.

The website DatingAdvice.com conducted “a comprehensive survey of 3,000 people in long-distance relationships” to find out whether the city in which their partner resides is a factor when deciding whether to move.

The tabulators then created a ranking of cities considered the most and least appealing if moving for love. It sounds highly scientific.

The top pick in Ohio was Akron. No, really. According to the survey findings:

“The city’s friendly atmosphere, combined with its rich history and cultural diversity, creates a vibrant backdrop for romantic relationships. Couples in Akron can explore the city’s charming neighborhoods, attend local events and festivals, and participate in community activities, providing numerous chances to meet like-minded individuals. Whether it’s enjoying outdoor adventures in the nearby Cuyahoga Valley National Park, exploring the local arts and music scene, or simply mingling with others at coffee shops and social gatherings, couples in Akron discover a supportive and inclusive environment where love can grow. An appealing choice for young lovers looking to forge their future together.”

Thank goodness they didn’t rate us on our cloudy skies, endless construction and inability to pronounce “Cuyahoga.”

Other top-ranked Ohio cities were No. 14 Columbus, No. 24 Toledo and No. 86 Dayton. The least appealing in the state was — drum roll, please — No. 219 Cleveland.

According to the survey: “Cleveland offers a rich cultural heritage and affordable cost of living. However, moving here might involve addressing concerns about the city’s struggling economy and harsh winters. While Cleveland has vibrant neighborhoods and world-class health care facilities, some may find the industrial legacy and population decline a concern.”

Take that, Cleveland. That will teach you to steal our area code. You thought we forgot, didn’t you?

The top five U.S. cities where people would move for love are No. 1 San Francisco, No. 2 New York, No. 3 Buffalo, No. 4 Fresno and No. 5 Jackson, Mississippi.

Four California cities are among the five least appealing to move for love: No. 246 Lancaster, No. 247 Oxnard, No. 248 Palmdale and No. 249 Roseville. In last place was No. 250 St. Paul, Minnesota.

See you soon, out-of-towners.

Move to Akron for the romance. Stay for the sauerkraut balls.

Humor in obituaries

Dolores Dillon enjoyed reading the obituary of Marguerite F. Stephan, who passed away April 14 “at the tender age of 89 after a courageous battle with beauty and sarcasm.”

Such a wonderful sense of humor!

Dillon pointed out two other recent obituaries that made her smile.

Edmund Alexander Evans Hughes Jr. wrote: “I’m dead, now what?”

William J. McGrath summarized his life: “He lived. He died. He belonged to Sam’s Club.”

“Being of the same age as these deceased, I think older people have the best sense of humor and young people need to lighten up,” Dillon said.

Oops. Anyone have a color wheel? I misidentified the color of Stephan’s lipstick.

“By now you must know that Clinique Golden Brandy is not gold-colored lipstick,” Martha Kaltenbach wrote. “It is a lovely shade of deep mauve with a warm tone. Very flattering.”

What the heck? Golden Brandy is purple?!?! Forgive my ignorance on lipstick shades. The next thing you’ll tell me is that purple martins are yellow.

“Mauve,” Kaltenbach corrected. “Which is not purple. LOL.

“Purple martins are not purple, but certainly not yellow.

“Keep writing.”

Will do, Martha. By the way, I thought Bea Arthur was wonderful on “Mauve.”

Spam spam spam spam

We get thousands of emails a week at the Beacon Journal. Believe it or not, some of the senders seem to be con artists.

Here are some recent messages that sound totally legitimate and not at all like phishing scams. (Don’t worry, Boss, I didn’t click on them)

• Hi, Hope you're doing fine.  Just checking if you can do me a favor, do you’ve a free moment over email ? I have throat Laryngitis so I am unable to speak over the phone. Thanks
• Hi I would like to inquire if you are okay with coaching my kids on baseball lessons. Where are you located please? Kindly email me back if we can deal Best Regards
• Hello dear Please I would like to talk in more detail From. Cynthia Mary Thank you and I would love to hear from you
• Hello are you there? I’ve been trying to reach you I have a Proposal for you contact me. Thank you
• How are you doing today? I apologize for reaching out to you out of the blue. I am looking to give away my late husband’s Yamaha baby grand piano to a passionate instrument lover. Please let me know if you would like to take it or if you know someone who would be willing to care for it. Many thanks.

Mark J. Price can be reached at mprice@thebeaconjournal.com unless you happen to be a scammer. In that case, buzz off.

Oops! Classic bloopers from the collection of Mark J. Price

This article originally appeared on Akron Beacon Journal: Dating website confirms Akron is for lovers | Mark J. Price