Commentary: A cell phone contract with kids

I’m getting ready to write a contract.

No, I haven’t taken up the practice of law in my spare time. Truth be told, I don’t really have spare time. I’m a working mom of kids. Sometimes I don’t have time to eat lunch.

But, yes, I’m writing a contract. While it may not be legally binding, it will certainly be the expectation of conduct within the Soyster home. It is necessary.

For my two oldest children, we are stepping into the realm of smart phones. Before you stop what you are doing and call me a hypocrite, let me explain. Yes, my children will receive smart phones today. But that’s why I’m writing a contract.

While these phones they receive do not have an internet browser or an “app store,” there will be more freedom than they previously had. Although we are granting them this freedom, it is important they understand that we expect certain things when it comes to the usage of their devices.

A digital device contract clearly outlines your expectations regarding their use of technology. It outlines the device as a luxury, not a necessity. And by making them read it and sign it, when misuse happens, because it will, it takes away their ability to say “but I didn’t know,” or “you never told me!”

As I write our digital device contract, my plan is to slowly roll out privileges. Too much freedom too fast can become overwhelming, and in my opinion, is asking for trouble. As they learn healthy habits, and gain trust, they will have additional freedom. But still will not have internet access on their phones.

You may be asking “So, what is the right age for digital devices, or a smartphone specifically?” I think that has to depend on your children. For us, there were a few reasons we made this decision.

One: My oldest is now in high school, and rides to and from school each day with a friend. I wanted her to have a way to contact me if she felt she needed too. But couldn’t she just borrow a phone? Yes, she could. But she has shown maturing beyond her years. She frequently checks in on family members, offering to pray for them, or sends them little texts of encouragement if she knows they are facing a difficult day. Having her own phone allows her to utilize her gift of connection and empathy to its full extent.

Two: My oldest son is in 7th grade. Our thought has generally been that phones would come in high school. However, he is active. He is extremely active. Between playing soccer, playing baseball, youth group, meeting with friends for sports in town, I spent much of the summer not knowing exactly where he was. I knew where he started, but not where he ended up. For some time, he did have a watch that allowed him to text me or his father. Except, it wasn’t really texts, but he could send me voice recordings. And we all found out very quickly that was a bad idea.

So, about the phones. These phones will allow me to see their locations in real time. I can see if a stop is made on the way home from the futsol courts. I can also see how many texts they send, how much time the screen is on, and I have to approve contacts. And again, the only apps are apps I have to approve on my end, and games and social media aren’t even options to add to the phones.

What then will our contract include? If you think something like this will be beneficial to your family, I suggest covering these points.

Expectations of use: For our contract, I’m going to outline in detail how it is to be used; communication, personal organization and planning, and even entertainment in the idea that they can take photos and document things as they happen.

Storage: Each night, the phone will be kept downstairs and can be retrieved the next morning.

Subject to search: My children will understand that at any time, I can do a search of their phone. Text messages, pictures, saved files, etc.

App usage: in order for a specific app to be added to their phone, they need to justify it’s use and benefit.

Care and maintenance: I will purchase the protective case. However, if they want a different case, and any damage occurs, the cost to repair or replace is to be assumed by them.

Consequences: There will be consequences in place for breech of contract. Loss of privileges, leading up to loss of device.

Believe it or not, children need boundaries and thrive when they know expectations. While it may seem ridiculous and unnecessary, I would encourage you to create your own contract. Just don’t take it too far and write up your own contract if you plan to purchase a piece of land.