From 'hell' to hope. How an Iraqi family survived war and found success in NJ

Hiba Oudah remembers the aroma of oranges and lemons that filled the garden, the rose and gardenia that she picked and took to her teacher, the dates and figs eaten fresh from trees.

“It was simple things, but it was beautiful,” said Oudah, reminiscing about her childhood in Baghdad.

Those were memories from before the war. There’s a before and there’s an after. And she does not have good memories from after. Mostly, there are flashes of trauma — the men who threatened to kidnap her, the windows shaking from bombs, bodies lying in the street, the middle-of-the-night escape to safety across the border.

Life changed radically 20 years ago for Oudah and other Iraqis when the United States invaded Iraq, sparking a long era of fighting, civil war and terror that upended her country. For the family of refugees now living in North Jersey, it’s a painful legacy that that they cannot forget.

Today, Oudah and her family are healing and prospering and planting hopes for the future. They are making new memories. And they are building a thriving restaurant business in Paterson.

The family matriarch, Ahlam Alkhaboori, opened the Al Mazaq Restaurant and Bakery at 46 E. Railway Ave. in Paterson in December 2017. The popular destination serves Iraqi cuisine including kababs, stuffed grape leaves and ouzi, a dish of lamb shank over spiced rice. From a tandoori oven, she turns out soft flatbreads that are served to diners and sold in bulk to grocery stores.

“I lost a lot in Iraq. That’s why, when I came here, it was my goal to do everything to succeed,” said Alkhaboori, as she glided through Al Mazaq’s kitchen in her crisp chef jacket past stovetops, stainless steel counters and the large tandoori oven.

The 52-year-old business owner is scouting real estate to open a second location and aspires to one day launch an international restaurant chain. To her children, she is a model of strength and business savvy. She has survived so much already — war, trauma and having to start a life and a business from scratch in the U.S.

Escaping Iraq

Before the war, the family lived an upper middle-class lifestyle in a large home with a garden. Alkhaboori stayed home to raise her eight children, while her husband worked as an attorney. She enjoyed weekly trips to the salon and decorating her home, she said.

When war came, it was swift and brutal. The U.S. invasion, on March 19, 2003, set off an era of violence, instability and sectarian fighting, with a mind-boggling financial and human toll. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis were killed in the war. Around 4,400 U.S. soldiers were also killed in action.

Alkhaboori worried all the time for her family. During the war, bombings and kidnappings became routine. Her husband survived being shot in the back. Militants showed up at her home and demanded she give up one of her sons for service. American soldiers barged into their home during random searches for people or weapons.

Alkhaboori described war “like living hell.”

Her daughter, Hiyam Oudah, 26, recalled how neighbors turned against one another, how she saw people run from gunfire and saw bodies in the street.

“It was overnight, how it happened,” Hiyam said. “No one was ready for it.”

Her sister, Hiba, said she cannot forget the day she and friend fled from two men they suspected were trying to kidnap them. They had been walking to school to take midterm exams.

“We stopped going to school,” she said. “It’s like a black era for us.”

Even her beloved garden turned black.

The family fled one night in 2006 past checkpoints until they crossed into Jordan. From there, they boarded a boat to Egypt, settling in Cairo, where Alkhaboori opened a supermarket. In 2010, after a four-year wait, they were admitted into the U.S. via the refugee resettlement program, calling it a "dream come true."

After a year in Pennsylvania, they moved to Little Falls and later to Elmwood Park. Alkhaboori worked at a bakery and at a restaurant. But she dreamed of opening her own place.

A restaurant thrives

At home, Alkhaboori started baking bread and selling it to local stores. Demand grew and she opened a bakery the following year. At the bakery opening, she served a buffet of homemade Iraqi food. People loved her cooking and encouraged her to sell food. The next day, she started taking to-go orders. A month later, she was serving customers in the front dining room on hand-written menus.

At first, Alkhaboori couldn’t afford to hire help and her children were in school. She baked the bread and cooked, catching only a few hours sleep each day in an office above the kitchen.

Then word spread about her cooking. The store now attracts a devoted customer base that includes people eager to try the only Iraqi restaurant in the region. Her customers include Iraqi Americans who travel from out of state for the flavors they grew up with.

The restaurant uses ingredients imported from Iraq like date molasses and amba, a tangy mango sauce, to serve at their tables alongside grilled meats and falafel. Inside, the walls are adorned with old photos of Baghdad from the 1950s and 60s, when it was known as a cosmopolitan and beautiful city.

On International Women’s Day on March 8, the City of Paterson honored Alkhaboori and her daughters with an award, heralding their community contributions, which has included distributing free meals and donating to recent earthquake relief efforts.

Hiba dreams that New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy and President Joe Biden will visit their restaurant one day. She wants them to know how hard her mother has worked in this country, how they have succeeded here, how they have given back to the community.

Hiba studies at the Institute of Culinary Education in New York City and hopes to follow in her mother’s footsteps. Hiyam is a student at Bergen Community College, and plans to continue education at Montclair State University to study business.

Another sister is on track to graduate from William Paterson University this spring. A son is in medical school, while two others work as aviation mechanics. Their father, a lawyer, drives Uber and travels to Iraq occasionally for work.

The family said they aren't resentful about the U.S. invasion and war 20 year ago, although they wish it never happened. War ravaged their country, which is still reeling from poverty, destruction and division today. Family members lost their lives in the war.

Riyam, 24, one of the eight siblings, said she was grateful they got the chance to start their lives over in the United States.

“It’s an amazing feeling to be stable and to have a safe home,” she said. “As an Iraqi American, now this is home, you know.”

In the U.S., they want to make the most of opportunities they are given.

“If my children are happy," Alkhaboori said, "I am happy.”