OHIO — Barb and Hardy Eshbaugh loved the home they built in Oxford. For more than 50 years it held the memories of raising children, befriending neighbors, swimming in the pool and enjoying walks in the nearby woods. But after Hardy fell and broke his hip, they agreed that it was time to move.

What You Need To Know

  • Planning for what you may want and need as you age, while difficult, is critical

  • When a loved one is disabled or sick, it’s ok to get outside help when their needs outpace the support you’re able to provide
  • Only about 3% of older people live in continuing care retirement communities, with escalating levels of care

Nothing about their move was easy; from the physical and emotional challenges of packing to the constraints of downsizing to the realization that this next phase of life signified an end of sorts.

“There were just times that the pressure got so strong in my own mind that I didn’t keep my cool,” Hardy said.

“The process of packing a home was one of the hardest times in our relationship actually… he wanted to keep, I wanted to get rid of,” Barb said. “And the kids came and said, ‘Dad, you can’t keep that book! It’s a great book, but are you going to read it again?’”

For Kathy McGrew, it was difficult to identify when her husband Dave’s medical needs outpaced her caregiving abilities, despite her professional background in gerontology. Prior to his illness, Dave lived a vibrant life, playing and coaching hockey, singing in the Oxford Choral Ensemble, running a busy veterinarian practice, and helping to raise their three kids.

“Dave and I are the bookends of what it means to be 75,” Kathy said.

Diagnosed with Parkinson’s, a progressive disorder affecting the nervous system, in his 50s, the couple lived comfortably at home for almost two more decades, with Kathy as the primary caregiver.

“Caregiving has its strains, and stresses and its burdens… but it has its rewards and satisfactions,” Kathy said. “You do find a new part of your relationship, but at some point, those rewards and satisfactions get kind of muffled or marginalized by the strains and stresses and your own decline.”

An additional diagnosis of Lewy body dementia further complicated Dave’s life. He is often confused and his language is now nearly non-existent.

“I think the thing that was the hardest was when he started having many episodes in the middle of the night,” Kathy said.

An alarm pad on his bed meant that for months, Kathy was alerted 5-7 times a night and had to intervene to keep him safe.

After a gentle intervention from her adult children and friends, Kathy had to come to grips with what would be the best solution for them both: skilled nursing care in an assisted living facility for Dave, with Kathy remaining independent and close by.

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