Family health scares and a historic tragedy spur me to champion Pittsburgh, not leave it
By First-person essay by Jane Windsheimer,
2024-05-24
I was in eighth grade when the Tree of Life mass shooting occurred, and I was experiencing a lot of change. My sister had been diagnosed with cavernous malformation — a genetic brain disorder — and Von Willebrand, a blood disorder. My brother and I had to get tested in case we, too, had them. I found out on my 13th birthday that my brother had tested positive for the brain disorder, while I had tested negative for both.
Add to that the tragedy of the shooting. I had heard about other shootings on the news, but I never thought I had to worry about them happening in my own community. My mom was working at the Jewish Community Center at the time as the Judaics teacher, so the antisemitic crime was much on our minds. We are practicing Catholics, but were raised to have respect for people who have different beliefs, so I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
It could have been enough to sour me on Pittsburgh. I’d be far from the first young person to look for the exits.
Instead, almost six years later, I’m a student at Carlow University, majoring in communications with a concentration in advocacy and social change, on a three-year track. I am not yet sure what my career will be but I am sure that I want to stay here. Pittsburgh is a city with room to grow, and I want to be a part of that growth.
Three recoveries
I am very close to both of my siblings, in age and relationship. We’re separated by two-year intervals — my brother the oldest and I the youngest — born and raised in the South Hills.
We grew up in the suburbs, but my family spent many weekends in Oakland, often at museums and libraries. My mom loves to tell us that you can never stop learning — except she doesn’t just tell us that. She lives that, devouring books and documentaries.
As far as medical diagnoses go, we were very lucky to be here. Both of my siblings had brain surgery at Children’s Hospital, and although it was stressful we were grateful we didn’t have to move to another city to get treatment.
My sister’s brain bled on the left side, which controls your speech. After the surgery, it took her longer to form sentences, so I took pride in “translating” for her. I would fill in her words when she couldn’t, a different kind of “sister telepathy” — not something most siblings find themselves doing.
As a family, we were resilient. So was Pittsburgh.
After the Tree of Life shooting, we adopted the mantra “Hate has no home here” to show solidarity with the families who were impacted. Rallying behind a unifying message can be a first step to creating social change, but step two is acting; doing something more than putting a sign in your yard or wearing a t-shirt with a slogan. The new motto “Remember. Rebuild. Renew.” encourages us to come together. It builds a bridge between the past and the future — which also proves that there’s more than just physical bridges in Pittsburgh.
Nonetheless, surgeries and tragedy left me with a lot to process. I took to journaling and creative writing to distract myself. Writing gave me control. It put me in a separate world where I could make anything happen. It took me away from the medical jargon I didn’t understand, and the lack of respect people have for their peers, which I also didn’t understand.
A feeling of control
I followed in the footsteps of my siblings and went to college in Pittsburgh.
When I arrived at Carlow University, I found my best friend was my journal. I wasn’t always chronicling the day’s events — sometimes it was a little more creative — but for the first time I wasn’t very judgmental of what I wrote. I just wrote and kept going, not caring about editing or penmanship, eventually filling a whole journal in just two semesters.
I chose to go to Carlow, in part for the location, but also because of its focus on advocacy and social change. Although I knew very little about the subject, it seemed like the perfect thing to learn more about. My godmother put it perfectly when she said “There’s always something to advocate for!” This provided me with some level of job security, knowing there will always be work for me to do.
During my freshman orientation, President Kathy Humphrey told us we weren’t getting our degrees for ourselves — we were getting them for others. Carlow puts a big emphasis on service and applying your knowledge beyond your own needs. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that at first. Now at the end of my freshman year, I feel like I understand it much better.
A month ago, there was a panel presentation here at Carlow about immigration and refugee advocacy. One of the speakers was Rosamaria Cristello, director of the Latino Community Center. She was organized and thoughtful, not offended by questions, and seemed very approachable. As a feminist, and a women’s and gender studies minor, I loved seeing a knowledgeable woman in charge. Through my time in college so far, I’ve met several people who work in nonprofits. Although I always expect them to be drained and impatient, they’ve instead been eager and open. It inspires me to work with people who have so much stamina.
Cristello has made it her life’s work to ensure immigrants and refugees can lead valuable lives in this country. And she’s doing that right here, in Pittsburgh.
That attitude — that you can do it in Pittsburgh — comes through, too, at the Phipps Conservatory, one of the most sustainable buildings in the world. I love Phipps because they are a unique form of advocacy. They aren’t your stereotypical activists shoving petitions down your throat or trying to get you to change your entire way of life. Instead they show you the beauty of nature, and what can happen when it is taken care of. Going to a place like Phipps gives me a feeling of control, just like writing.
There’s a reason
I’ve known for a long time that I want writing to fit into my life, somehow. At the same time, I have to make sure I don’t confine myself behind a desk.
Writing is a form of advocacy but it’s not the only way to advocate. I need to move to get other people moving. Just like having a mantra after the Tree of Life shooting, or my mom encouraging us to learn, I need to take action.
I see no reason to seek this work elsewhere.
There’s a reason people like Rosamaria Cristello choose to do their work in Pittsburgh. There’s a reason places like Phipps Conservatory can thrive here. There’s a reason even a tragedy like the Tree of Life shooting can inspire an uplifting message here.
Having a degree in communications and advocacy will help me to stand up for myself and work with people around me. However, I’m learning something beyond my own small world that is much more valuable: the ability to stand up for other people, too. Maybe that’s through writing, or maybe I’ll discover a new medium.
The cool thing about social change is that it has to start somewhere, but it never really stops. Pittsburgh embodies that. The City of Bridges is always trying to move forward in one way or another, and that is what really matters.
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