Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share why they decided to break off their engagements. Here are some of their responses:
Editor's Note: This post contains mention of domestic violence and suicide.
1. "When he couldn't take time off work to emotionally support me during a family funeral because he'd taken 'too many days off,' but could take a day off a few weeks later to go to see Avengers: Endgame. Ended it two months later."
2. "Growing up in the south, there is this terrible pressure to be married young. I wanted to be married so badly that I thought finding a man who checked all of the proverbial boxes would make for a good marriage. COVID hit, and we spent a lot more time together. It was then I realized that we were both using each other, not intentionally. I realized I was seeking safety and stability — he was older and provided that — and he really just wanted a wife. He wanted a wife, I wanted a husband, we didn't want each other."
"We parted ways, and now I'm 32 and still single. I've grown a lot since that relationship. I've created my own safety and stability. I know what I am looking for now. The pressure of the south still lingers, but it no longer screams at me the way it once did."
3. "I found out that he had thousands in debt, and the money I had been giving him to go into our wedding fund was being gambled away every month. [This was] while he was living in my mother's house with me so we could apparently save for our wedding and our own place. Found out Friday night. Our wedding was canceled, and everything [he had] was out of the house by Sunday."
4. "I was engaged to a man from another country who I met and dated while I was living in said country. I came back to the states and started preparing a fiancé visa for him. I was calling him one day, and his other wife answered. Needless to say, the visa application did not go through."
5. "I think everyone in high school has that one couple who gets 'engaged' in their junior or senior year. Yeah, I [was] in one of those relationships. Ended up realizing that I was a literal child and that was dumb. That is why I never went through with it."
6. "I was engaged to the guy I led worship with in college. I never felt one ounce of physical attraction to him. I would cringe when he touched me. But I was young and thought I was just being shallow and that somehow things would click into place for me. Before class one day [in 2004], I went to his dorm to use his computer to look at wedding dresses. I broke down about 20 minutes into the process and broke up with him."
"Something about looking at those wedding dresses really brought the reality of the situation into clear view. There was no way I could marry him. There are nine marriages between both my parents, so I didn't want to repeat that process. I absolutely would have ended up divorcing him. He ended up stalking me for several months afterward. I quit the worship team and began a long-term relationship with a woman. I realized I was fully gay, and it wasn't just his looks that turned me off."
7. "I was prepping for my first anime convention, and he pretty much accused me of cheating before I had even left because of my cosplay. That should've been the last straw, but what really did it for me was when I got to the con and had no qualms about doing whatever I wanted to do (i.e. staying out all night, striking up conversations with people I had never met, exchanging snap info with strangers, etc.)."
"I felt freer than I had in the five and a half years we were together, and I knew I couldn't just go back to how things were after a glimpse of what my life could be like without him. People can say whatever they want about how I threw my whole life away, but as far as I'm concerned, I avoided a death sentence and a nasty divorce at 40."
8. "It took about four hours to travel to see my ex-fiancé. There were a LOT of red flags, but the final straw for me was when I got a new doctor for my medication near where I lived. He got upset because I was 'supposed to be moving down there soon, and I shouldn't have gotten a new doctor for medication.'"
"After that fight, it was bad weather so I didn't want to drive down for the weekend because my car wasn't safe, and another fight broke out. He dumped me thinking I would beg for him back, but it backfired. I was like, 'Fine, we're done,' and mailed back the ring. It was done and over [in] six months."
9. "I was pregnant, and he kept disappearing at night [for months] and sleeping on the couch. He kept telling me that he loved me, but it was different. ... I couldn't take it anymore and told him I was finishing it for him because he didn't have the guts."
10. "We were together for seven years, engaged for four and owned a house. I was in a T.J. Maxx shopping with him for Christmas. I had been unhappy for awhile and not faithful, but I wasn't ready to walk away. The final straw was how everyone around me in the store was so excited for the holidays, and I was dreading it. I will literally never forget the moment."
"I was watching him pick out gifts in such an insensitive way with no thought or feeling behind it. It was something so tiny, but it made me realize that if I couldn't find joy in Christmas shopping with him, how could I find joy in the other little things? I stepped away and went down a random aisle, called my mom, and bawled. Three days later, I ended things right before Christmas Eve."
11. "It wasn't any single event. I realized I was planning a wedding while simultaneously imagining myself divorced five years down the road. Seemed like a bad idea."
12. "We were both unhappy for a while, but what finally put the nail in our coffin was when we were at the renaissance festival. We sat down to watch a show, and I took my phone out to reply to some friends about our upcoming plans. When he saw me on my phone, he said, 'Are you fucking serious right now?' I asked him what was wrong, and he got up and ran off. I chased him down, and he threw a big scene [saying] it was over, so I said, 'Ok, fuck you' and started to walk away."
"He grabbed my arm and told me, 'No, we're not done. I didn't mean that.' I looked at him and said, 'No, we are done. Leave me alone. Get out of here and go move your shit out of my house before I get home after enjoying my day here alone.' He had driven us there, so I was left without a ride, but I didn't care. He proceeded to call and text me, telling me he wasn't leaving our home and that we were not done. I found a ride, and a friend went to my place to make sure he left, and he and his shit were gone for good when I got home."
13. "I was telling my friend how I always thought I'd be excited to plan my wedding, but it just felt like a slog I had to persevere through. My friend said, 'You don't have to marry him, you know...' Apparently, that was the permission I needed to leave him. The next day, he emailed me with a huge list of unreasonable, controlling demands and had the audacity to write, 'I'm your family now, I'm going to get in the way!'"
"He said if I wasn't willing to give in to his orders, that I wasn't ready to get married. He actually thought that was a motivating threat. I told him no one would reasonably do any of those things and I'm NOT getting married. Then, I blocked him on everything. I was deliriously happy after ending things, relieved and light. I remember thinking how is everyone in the world not insanely happy right now? NONE of us have to marry him! Apparently, he was really confused about how I could have misunderstood him and called off the wedding..."
14. "During an argument, he told me, 'If you ever left me, I will kill myself.'"
15. "So, we had picked out a ring, but never actually got to the question part. I ended things because of issues stemming from both of our traumatic upbringings. A lot of times, I had to follow a schedule of communication in order to keep the peace; otherwise, it would start fights over what I was doing if I didn't call him at the same time every day."
"It was also the fact that I couldn't ever be truthful about my smoking, caused by the fact that he demanded I quit and hounded me constantly about it (and yet never decided to end things over it). We bickered the entire time on a trip for a wedding, and when we got back, I decided I couldn't commit to walking on eggshells for my husband when I'd spent my entire childhood for my parent.
Neither of us was in a place to get married, and I wholeheartedly believe we would not have lasted long and we'd be divorced by 30. We tried again a couple years later, and broke up over a trivial disagreement about who I was rooting for in the Super Bowl that year. Truly one of the silliest breakups I've been through. He's supposedly getting married this year, and I wish him well."
16. And finally, "I've actually had six failed engagements. Last straws in order":
"1. Came home to find him and his ex-gf [having] sex in our bed. They got married and had a kid, and then, she cheated on him.
2. He was from the south, and his family had a lot of opinions. His mom said I was 'not Christian enough' to be a mother of his kids. After I spent five years raising his son who was born out of wedlock.
3. I had moved to Dubai [for this marriage]. Two things happened: 1. All of the job offers I got required they hold my passport (very common there). 2. Interfaith marriages are nearly impossible. After giving up my family, friends, home, country, etc., he insisted I convert to his religion or leave.
4. He was a darling. But too much of a pushover and loud chewer.
5. We both lived in Key West and got carried away during Fantasy Fest.
6. He had a thing for cocaine and webcamming together. Also, he loved threesomes. So, when I found him talking to women who watched us on [the] webcam behind my back, there was an Ashley-shaped hole in the door.
Full circle!"
Did you break off your engagement? Share what happened in the comments!
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.