Stigma, DIY, and the Double-Standard for Mental Health

As a psychologist working primarily with military and first responders, I can’t tell you the countless number of times I hear clients talk about how they perceive coming to therapy as “weakness.” Sure, I want to affirm that mental health stigma is real, especially for military and first responders. We don’t want to think of ourselves as “crazy” or think that others would think that if we utilize mental health resources. I also get that maybe it’s a pride thing—we want to already have the tools to fix ourselves. It can be weird to talk about extremely personal stuff to some random guy you just met (even if it’s a doctor and even if we have patient–provider privilege to confidentiality).

A Double-Standard

But, here’s the thing: there is a double-standard between mental health services and literally everything else in our lives when it comes to most effectively utilizing tools and resources at our disposal. Think about it. If you need to fix or improve something, you should either use the right tool for the job or go to the right people or places to make it happen. That is logic, not weakness.

A few years ago, my wife and I were hosting the holidays at our place with all branches of extended family. Of course, Murphy’s Law, the main toilet breaks mid-figgy pudding. So we have some options: (1) go to the local hardware store to get some tools, parts, and wisdom of the Ace clerk; (2) call a plumber for the Low Holiday Emergency Rate of our entire 401K; or (3) just start banging randomly on the porcelain throne with a hammer, because it was the most convenient tool readily at hand near the bathroom. Not every guy (including me) gets taught how to replace the guts of a toilet. So option 1 or 2 is the most effective. They aren’t indicative of weakness.

In so many categories of life, it isn’t considered weak to utilize the right tools and expertise of others. If you have a heart attack, please don’t just YouTube, “Pro tips: double-bypass heart surgery.” Sure, it might feel more “masculine” to pick your family history of heart disease “up by the bootstraps,” but it is probably more effective to utilize a cardiologist instead. The same logic applies to therapy—getting the right advice and tools from the people and places most effective at providing them.

The Tool of Therapy

Therapy is one of the most effective ways to utilize expert knowledge to improve happiness, mental health, relationships, and well-being. Therefore, it is efficacious and efficient to go to therapy. It isn’t weakness. If I’ve got a client who is a real DIY type, who prides themselves on “taking the bull by the horns” and “picking yourself up by the bootstraps,” I could just hand over 10 years' worth of psychology textbooks and say, “Everything you need to know is in there…God speed, Wise Self-Reliant DIY Expert of Mental Health.” But then I would have wasted a decade getting a doctorate and the client would be stuck with thousands of pages of dry textbooks on his DIY list. What an inefficient way to improve health and happiness.

We could rely on ourselves for everything. But how ridiculous is that? We need to lean into the tools and resources at our disposal. Using the experts—hardware store clerk, cardiologist, mental health professional, or otherwise—is efficient and useful. And if leaning into tools and resources makes us better, then these are all strategies of strength, intelligence, growth, and development. Last I checked, the brain is part of the body. Therefore, honing its psychological potential should be a vital opportunity for resource utilization. Let us prioritize mental health and well-being as a source of strength and pride, not weakness.

*The conclusions and opinions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the United States Air Force or Department of Defense.