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31 Of The Absolute Funniest Tweets By Women So Far In 2023

By Alice Lahoda,


Wowee, time sure flies when you're barely surviving late-stage capitalism! Now that it's February, let's look back on the best tweets by women in January 2023!!

And make sure you follow all these funny ladies on Twitter!


This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work.

@k8_lister 07:32 AM - 16 Jan 2023


I went on a date with a girl and we ran into her friend and she was like “just you two tonight? omg girls night!!!”

@itsmegangraves 03:53 PM - 20 Jan 2023


I want to kill this

@Amy_Corp 08:48 PM - 21 Jan 2023


Yet another friend has been struck down by teenage pregnancy. We're almost in our thirties but still...

@krystlezara 05:43 PM - 13 Jan 2023


Yes modernity is failing us but think about how far we’ve come. When Netflix was just delivering DVDs in the mail I shared an account with my dad that he monopolized by renting an animated French art film about cycling that he didn’t return for an entire year

@EmmaYourFriend 05:05 PM - 21 Jan 2023


you want me to find a husband? The person who is statistically most likely to murder me?

@roastmalone_ 06:18 AM - 15 Jan 2023


Prepping my dad to meet my non-binary friend I cannot breathe at his response

@TessaPaisa 06:53 PM - 24 Jan 2023


The song “Work Bitch” by Britney Spears is the most powerful performance enhancing workout tool I’m aware of. It should be banned from the Olympics.

@maevedunigan 12:26 AM - 10 Jan 2023


Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.

@mollyEatsTofu 01:03 PM - 15 Jan 2023


people who wake up at 5 am love to talk about how productive their day was but forget to mention the psychotic episode they have around 6pm

@jaxajueny 03:39 PM - 30 Jan 2023


parents get so bent up when you claim to love your pet like a child but the fact is i love my dog a lot more than some of your dads loved you.

@missmayn 07:52 PM - 10 Jan 2023


Every time I see this picture I feel a level of rage I can only describe as “misogyny but for men”

@kathbarbadoro 02:47 PM - 25 Jan 2023


Y’all, I told my daughter to put socks on her reborn doll & she gon say “ you can’t tell people how to take care of they kids “ 😂 I really don’t know how much longer I can do this 😭😭😭😭

@nyooxo 08:21 PM - 30 Dec 2022


ppl rlly don’t drop money on the floor like they used to

@f8the 07:56 PM - 05 Jan 2023


Just saw a terf claim trans women "don't know what it's like to be the daughter when a son is wanted" and BABE I got NEWS

@NightlingBug 03:27 PM - 10 Jan 2023


POV: you’ve just walked into any given writers room in the 1990s

@emily_murnane 09:29 PM - 12 Jan 2023


Matthew Broderick: Life moves pretty fast ...Vin Diesel: And sometimes it moves pretty furious.Together: Coming to a theater near you-Movie Exec: Get out.

@everywhereist 03:22 AM - 03 Jan 2023


if you’re craving intimacy, they’re still doing those brain-scraping covid tests at the hospital.

@silkyjumbo 01:32 PM - 25 Jan 2023


rhinoplasty, lip filler, cheek implants, chin implant, jaw shave, brow bone reduction, buccal fat removal, botox and eye lift, skin bleaching

@Malibubarbarian 06:59 PM - 13 Jan 2023


3-year-old is skipping around singing “it’s me hi I’m the problem it’s me” and honestly it is so validating.

@missmulrooney 06:40 PM - 31 Jan 2023


crazy how dudes can hold back tears for a lifetime but cum in 30 seconds

@soogz1 01:23 PM - 27 Jan 2023


startup idea - instagram, but it only shows you photos from people you follow and in chronological order

@jaiyagill 03:38 PM - 30 Jan 2023


They just asked me to make an excel document at work, omg they’re onto me 😭

@TheLexGabrielle 06:03 PM - 19 Jan 2023


I’m sorry I was late I was watching things get crushed by a hydraulic press.

@HollyBallantine 04:29 AM - 28 Jan 2023


my pregnant friend was shopping once and a strange woman put a hand on my friend's belly so my friend put a hand on her boob

@NicoleCLindsay 04:20 PM - 26 Jan 2023


Love how you all are missing your 23 year old selves. I was 23 last year and I would shoot her with a gun

@yikingtons 11:12 PM - 27 Jan 2023


when i was a kid the height of sophistication was when a restaurant would drop like two of these in with the check

@cryingbaseball 10:28 PM - 28 Jan 2023


If I call my apartment my "house" and you correct me, you a hater fr 😭

@rissRASTAA 06:40 AM - 16 Jan 2023


5’9 but identify as 6’1. Not here for a hookup but totally will. Women, fish & babies fear me. Like bad boys? I’m bad @ everything! (that’s sarcasm) Find me in the gym looking for my Pam. Love air, food & competing. My dog has mommy issues. Don’t be ugly. Ask if u wanna know more

@omgskr 10:48 PM - 19 Jan 2023


“It’s not that deep” I’ll kill you with my bare hands

@jaxajueny 07:57 AM - 15 Jan 2023


i already messed up… 2024 my year for sure

@Noorthevirgo 05:01 AM - 01 Jan 2023

Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women!

21 Funny Tweets By Women That Will Give You The Will To Live Another Week

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