How to Rest When You Are Too Tired and Busy to Rest

Jesse had everything she wanted—three beautiful children, a life partner, and a high-paying job in her chosen field. Yet, at the end of each day, she didn’t really go to bed. She collapsed. Tired but wired. Mind still moving 100 miles an hour. Scrolling on her phone just to stop the thoughts and worries over her never-ending to-do list.

Wellness consultant says, “Just rest”

Jesse's company recently brought in a wellness consultant, Cassandra, to speak at their manager training. “Just rest” was the big message. This consultant shared that rest is a critical part of success, and leaders who are the best at resting are also the most sustainable top performers.

Why "just rest" can be terrible advice

While the wellness consultant was both well-meaning and accurate (rest is indeed a key component of success), for Jesse, there was an unintended consequence. She was now left with a feeling of falling short, not just as a parent and a leader but also as a “rester.”

She asked herself these questions:

• How do I rest when I have so much to do?
• Even if I pause my body, how can I stop my mind from racing?
• I’m too tired to rest…is that a thing?

And yet, we can't avoid the pressing need for recovery

Rest can be such a complicated topic, especially in seasons of life when energy and time feel limited—and the to-do list feels endless. Yet, as impossible as the directive “just rest” may feel, it’s important for one’s well-being and success to not throw in the towel. After all, we really can’t give from an empty well. And the evidence is glaring so that so many of us are. In 2022 the American Psychological Association's Stress in America survey found that 27% of adults are so stressed that they cannot function most days.

So when it comes to building rest and recovery into our lives, we both desperately need it, and so many have no idea where to begin.

4 steps to finding the rest that works for you

The good news is “rest” doesn’t have to look only one way. How you approach rest can vary over time, alongside the shifting landscape of your life. Here are four steps to finding the rest that works for you.

1. Make a list of what works with no constraints. Without limiting yourself, write down a list of activities that help you find your calm or leave you with a renewed sense of energy. You might start with the question, “When is the last time I did something that left me more refreshed than I was when I started?” Your responses can include anything from a good night’s sleep, to a vacation, to a card game with friends. No limits. The intention of this step isn't to commit yourself to completing this list (and then feeling guilty when you don't). The intention is to think big, get your imagination going, and remind yourself that, indeed, you are capable of resting.

2. Consider passive vs. active forms of rest. One place I’ve seen clients and colleagues unlock new ideas to find rest in their lives as they are today is differentiating between active and passive forms of rest. Passive rest might include watching TV or scrolling online. Active rest might include a brisk walk, playing a sport, or playing a word game. While both forms of rest are valid, most of us tend to find more time for passive rest. It’s easy to scroll through social media while waiting in line or upon waking up. It’s also tempting in that it requires less activation energy. However, active rest is more likely to leave us feeling rejuvenated. With ups and downs in energy levels, both kinds of rest are important.

3. Consider micro vs. macro forms of rest. One reason many hold the thought, “I don’t have time for rest,” is because we tend to think about macro-rest. Macro-rest is resting over a significant period of time, like taking a vacation or sabbatical. While this can be wonderful, it’s not always accessible. Micro-rest, on the other hand, is more like a snack. You can grab it in a pinch, like the popular seven-minute workout, taking a short walk, or playing Wordle.

What qualifies as micro versus macro tends to shift with the seasons of life. For example, a two-hour walk may feel macro to Jesse, the busy leader in the example above, but micro to her father who recently retired.

4. Use the matrix below as a visual to consider what works best for you now. Considering the categories in steps two and three may give you new insights into potential approaches to rest that work for you today, as well as other forms worth striving for. Using your initial list as a starting point, write your own matrix of rest that differentiates activities based on active versus passive and micro versus macro. Use the visual below for inspiration.

Now, rather than “just rest,” you have options to find the rest that works for you in your life as it actually is.

Final thoughts

To be clear, every wellness consultant, organizational consultant, and practitioner should be thinking about the human need for rest and recovery. The problem lies more in presenting it in such a way that feels unattainable. The need for rest is a systemic issue in our "always on" world. While we strive to shift systems, individual micro-changes and sustainable habits are an effective place to start.