Inside the Steve Miller Band's rider: 'Scrupulously clean' dressing rooms,'neatly groomed' security, no 'flimsy plastic cutlery'

What do Madonna, Bob Dylan and the frontman of the STEVE MILLER BAND all have in common — besides plaques in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

All went to college — at least for a spell — at a Big Ten university: Madonna at Michigan, Dylan at Minnesota and the Milwaukee-born Miller at Wisconsin.

That was 51 years, 18 studio albums and 26 named tours ago for the 79-years-young crooner, who some people call the Space Cowboy and others call the Gangster of Love.

In Part 22 of our ongoing series digging into the details of entertainers’ tour riders, here’s a look at Miller’s, obtained under Texas open records law following a fall concert at Fort Worth’s Will Rogers Auditorium.

— Roughhousers, sloppy dressers and the unkempt need not apply for a job working security at a Steve Miller Band show. Per the terms of the rider, “all security personnel should be neatly groomed and dressed. Their image should be one of calm maturity, and they must be able to think quickly and have good judgment on how best to diffuse any potentially troubling situation that may develop.”

— Should Miller observe any “rough handling” of crowd members from the stage, he’ll immediately stop the show until things settle down.

— Misbehaving fans will also be dealt with swiftly and harshly, with immediate ejection the penalty for anyone who is “openly drunk, under the influence of illegal substances, openly partaking in such substances, heckling, harassing staff or other patrons and/or engaging in any activity that impairs the enjoyment of the concert by others.” And just to be clear, “ no return will be allowed.”

— Snapping pictures of the concert on one’s cellphone is permitted all show long. But on those rare occasions that the tour grants a press pass for a professional photographer to shoot the show, they can only do so for the first three songs (which, during Miller’s most recent tour dates, were all among his greatest hits — “Jet Airliner,” “Swingtown” and “True Fine Love”).

— Miller’s 2022 contract with arenas included a few pandemic parameters — anyone making announcements on stage on show day must use their own microphone, anyone working backstage must be fully vaccinated with a final dose a minimum of two weeks prior to show time and anyone hoping to hang out backstage with the band was out of luck — meet-and-greets were off-limits until further notice.

— At the end of the band’s wellness rider were these warm words for local organizers: “We want you, your staff, our crew and our fans to stay healthy and live forever!”

— Mr. Miller’s dressing room must be “scrupulously clean” and “be of the best quality the facility has to offer,” with furnishings that include upholstered chairs and couches, straight chairs, tables, end tables, lamps, at least one full-length mirror, one clothing rack and rugs or carpeting.

— The band and crew require 84 towels — 60 bath-sized and 24 hand towels, colored either black or dark blue — plus 10 bars of soap.

— Here’s a nice touch: The tour “appreciates any efforts that can be made to donate unused food and beverages to local food banks and charities,” the rider states.

— Those less fortunate will eat healthy if they get this band’s leftovers. While welcoming any “regional specialties” the caterer wants to spring on the band, priority No. 1 should be serving “fresh, healthful, well-prepared food,” tour management notes.

— If it’s a Monday, in addition to a fish dish, sweet potatoes, wild rice, pasta salad, soup, salad, rolls and two desserts (one sugar-free), baked or smoked ham shall be served as the main entree for a dinner party of 20.

— The entree lineup for the rest of the week: steak, prime rib or roast beef on Tuesdays and Fridays; broiled or grilled chicken on Wednesdays; roast fresh turkey on Thursdays; grilled, baked or stuffed pork chops on Saturdays; and, on Sundays, three Italian entrees — one of them meatless and at least one without cheese. “Chicken cacciatore, penne arrabbiata and lasagna would be a good selection,” the rider recommends.

— Host venues have two options for filling the 57-item bus stock and after-show food order — shop for it themselves or cut the tour a check for $500 and be done with it. If they choose the former, it will require multiple shopping carts and a trip down every aisle of the store, with requirements ranging from 10 small cans of non-flavored Perrier and one piece of parmesan or asiago cheese to 12 bottles of Clausthaler, Becks or St. Pauli non-alcoholic beer.

— No-nos: forgetting about the two vegans in the tour group when planning meals, “flimsy plastic cutlery” or crockery, instant oats, pre-packed guacamole, Zico-brand coconut water, O’Douls-brand non-alcoholic beer, processed meat and any fruits, veggies and lettuce that hasn’t been cleaned “very thoroughly.