How to Trust Your Feelings

It’s common to hear well-meaning helpers telling you to “trust your feelings,” or “go with your gut,” but what does this actually mean and how can you start doing this on a regular basis? Here are four ways:

1. Recognize your fear of negative emotions. Many downplay emotionality as weak and dramatic. In reality, I’ve learned that people are actually scared to feel. Feelings are physical and they hurt. It takes strength to experience or sit with your feelings. When you haven’t tuned in with your emotions regularly, you also have a lot of unprocessed baggage that can feel overwhelming to confront. It’s okay to be afraid, but do comfort yourself. If you tune in regularly, you will be relieved and liberated. No emotion lasts forever, it’s always replaced by another and another…all states are temporary…so no matter how painful the emotion is, it will pass.
2. Stop avoiding your body. Bodies feel extraneous and unnecessary when there are so many tasks and responsibilities to accomplish. As a result, many go through life as brains with no awareness of the human body attached. Make no mistake, the body is everything. All of your experiences go through your nervous system. Stop avoiding what your stomach, your chest, your head, and your back are experiencing. The next time your stomach drops, your chest tightens, and your heart beats fast...stop, breathe, observe, and label what you’re feeling.
3. Confront overthinking. Of course, it’s impossible to not think. What you can do, however, is to notice how much you try to think yourself out of what upsets you. How often does your stomach clench and you go into "fix-it" mode? As I describe in Overcoming Stress-Induced Brain Fog, overthinking leads to chronic stress and burnout. Catch yourself and challenge yourself to pause before thinking and just observe the sensation in your body—“chest tight,” “tension,” “tightness,” “butterflies…” just for a moment…what does it feel like in your body?
4. Cultivate a kind internal voice. If you don’t trust or know how to trust your feelings, you are likely using brute force to get the feelings to submit. This looks something like telling yourself, “You are so weak, get over it,” “No one cares,” “Stop being so dramatic,” “You are too smart for this, stop!” or “Why am I upset? I have everything.” Recognize that this self-denial only takes you further from your feelings, your body, and your deeper sense of self. If you’re invested in your deeper feelings, then you want them to feel welcomed and that there’s a warm acceptance at the ready to greet each one. A few simple internal phrases can be helpful: “I see your sadness,” “It’s okay to feel this way,” “I know you are hurting and I am right here by your side,” “This hurts and it will pass,” and “I accept this feeling."

For more on why to trust your feelings, check out my post, "The Consequences of Not Trusting Your Feelings."