Teen Refusing to Help New Mom After She Kicked out Her Boyfriend Backed

A teen refusing to help look after her friend's baby is being backed online.

Sharing her story on Reddit on January 23, user u/plutodevoteee explained that her friend has recently thrown her boyfriend out for a "stupid reason."

Her friend Jess, aged 23, has a baby, and with the boyfriend out of the house, is caring for him alone. She asked plutodevoteee for support, and she agreed.

However, Jess quickly tried to take advantage of the 19-year-old's good nature, expecting her to babysit on demand. When the poster said no to her friend's ad-hoc childcare requests, Jess got the rest of their social circle to gang up on her.

"Everyone thinks I'm a huge a****** and I can't help but wonder if I am," she wrote. However, Reddit users applauded plutodevoteee for defending herself, with the post receiving 6,500 upvotes and more than 1,000 comments.

What to Do If a Friend Is Trying to Manipulate You

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, but it's often easier said than done—especially if one person uses guilt to manipulate the other.

Joanette Weisse, founder of Emotional Social Parenting, told Newsweek that there are two kinds of guilt. The first type occurs when we don't act according to our values, but the second type arises when someone else's burdens become our own, or we are made to feel responsible for their happiness—or unhappiness.

The latter feeling is commonly experienced in toxic friendships, as well as by those who were raised by narcissistic parents or are trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship.

"No one should be expected to provide free childcare for a friend," Weisse said.

"You can say no if a friend asks you to watch their kids for free. If you feel a surge of guilt, come on, tell yourself, 'My wants and needs matter.'

"You are in charge of your decision. They are in charge of their feelings. Prioritizing your wants and needs isn't selfish. It's self-sustaining."

'You Don't Just Try to Force a Teenager to Raise Your Kid'

Plutodevoteee's dilemma began when her friend Jess called and begged her to grab some baby essentials from the store for her, as she was too tired to make the trip herself.

"I got her some stuff and dropped it off and offered to nurse the baby so she could have a shower and cook some pasta. She was super happy and took up my offer," wrote plutodevoteee.

Jess's boyfriend was due home at 5:30 p.m. but when he didn't arrive as usual, plutodevoteee asked what was going on. It was then she discovered that Jess had thrown her boyfriend out.

"She tells me she kicked him out because he went to visit his mother whilst he had the baby and he hadn't asked her first," plutodevotee wrote.

"I said that's so stupid of her because he clearly loves her and baby and he didn't do it to be a d***. Jess got mad and said I don't get it."

Jess then asked plutodevoteee if she could come over tomorrow to watch the baby, but the poster declined.

"She got really upset and asked why. I told her she needs to beg her boyfriend to come back since the baby is both their responsibility and whilst I'll help out every now and then, I'm not going to become a substitute parent when the baby clearly has two loving ones," plutodevotee wrote.

Jess asked her to leave, but within a few hours, she had messaged plutodevoteee asking for help again.

"[Sh]e text me a few times later that day asking what days I was free next week so she could get work done," she wrote.

"I told her [that] I love her, but she needs to get her act together and sort it out with her boyfriend."

In retaliation, Jess "accidentally" told their friendship group what plutodevoteee had said, with the rest of their social circle turning against the poster.

"I want to be clear, Jess's only qualms are that [her boyfriend] went to visit his parents when he had the baby and that he didn't ask her for permission first because she was dead asleep," she added.

"She admitted he's a great father who works hard to provide for the family. He's not a disinterested bum."

Reddit users cheered the teen's response to her "unhinged" friend's request, and praised her for setting boundaries.

"She's majorly overreacted to something reasonable her bf did, and then trying to co-opt her friends into childcare," posted Fangehulmesteren.

Vomitthewords agreed, writing: "She's going to need to let the BF have some control here. "Unless she has a really good reason why this baby couldn't visit its grandparents (like they live in a crack den), then Jess needs to get over it."

"Her reaction was a bit...unhinged," wrote Sputtrosa. "Which isn't strange considering recently having a baby. Either way, I think you handled the situation very well."

"The baby has a loving, responsible father. It's up to them to figure out their relationship and the parenting of their child," commented PsychologyAutomatic3.

Others slammed the poster's friends for guilt-tripping her.

"Reply and say that you, as one person, just were not able to provide daily childcare, but you are so happy they, as a group, can," recommended soaringeagle54.

"If you aren't willing to do the work, you should never dump on someone else for not being willing to shoulder that burden," wrote ember428, while ITsunayoshiI commented: "You don't just try to force a teenager to raise your kid for you."

Newsweek reached out to u/plutodevoteee for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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