A mom returning her adult daughter's online shopping in secret is being blasted by Reddit users.
In a post to the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit on January 21, user u/Different_Tour_9932 said her 31-year-old daughter had recently moved back to the U.K. after spending four years living abroad.
The daughter is currently staying with Different_Tour_9932 while she waits for her new flat to be ready in February. She offered to pay rent, but the poster declined.
Although happy that her daughter is home, Different_Tour_9932 has developed a hatred of her adult child's online shopping.
"I've noticed is that my daughter has a habit of ordering online. A lot," she wrote.
"She runs out of toothpaste? She won't bother going to the shop, she'll just order it online with her other essentials like shampoo. Needs clothes or stuff for her new house? She'll order it.
"She even bought her father's birthday gift and wrapping paper online. She even has groceries delivered because she insisted she pays for them because she lives rent free.
"She barely goes to shops and because of people like her our high streets are dying."
Claiming that her daughter's online shopping habit is "unhealthy," Different_Tour_9932 started sending her parcels back without telling her. Eventually, her daughter found out, and immediately decided to move into a hotel and away from her "controlling" mom.
Reddit users were shocked by the poster's behavior, with the story receiving 6,500 upvotes and 3,000 comments.
'Loss of Control Triggers Anxiety in Narcissistic Parents'
According to Psychotherapist Alena Scigliano, narcissistic parents will try and control their children well beyond childhood.
"Just because a narcissist's child develops into an adult does not mean that the narcissist will start treating them any differently," she told Newsweek.
"Narcissists are very insecure people, and as a result they try to control everything and everyone around them, particularly those who are closest to them."
Scigliano said narcissistic parents don't view their children as individuals, and instead, see them as an extension of themselves. This leads to boundary stomping behavior, with more adult children than ever cutting ties with their parents.
"This loss of control triggers anxiety in the narcissist, they try to latch on even harder, thus perpetuating the cycle and essentially sabotaging the relationship they are trying so hard to hold onto," Scigliano said.
'What a Controlling, Ridiculous Person You Really Are'
After several of her packages failed to arrive, Different_Tour_9932's daughter realized that her mom had been secretly returning her online orders. Unsurprisingly, she was "fuming."
"She accused me of treating her like a child and saying I had no right to return her stuff," the poster said.
"I told her that something had to be done and I tried explaining my point but she told me she's done, [packed] her stuff and went [to] stay at a hotel, wasting money.
"I asked her to move back, promised to not do it again, [but] she's stubborn and won't listen.
"I only wanted to help her but she's being so unreasonable."
Reddit users felt that Different_Tour_9932 was the unreasonable one. In the poll attached to the post, they unanimously voted her the "a******" in the situation.
"FORCE her to shop locally by stealing your adult daughter's mail? No wonder she spent the past few years in an entirely different country from you," said NeeliSilverleaf.
"Sounds like you value 'the shops' more than you value your relationship with 'your daughter,'" agreed MarketingManiac208.
"What a controlling, ridiculous person you really are," wrote NatZaJu.
"You'll be lucky if she EVER stays with you again," said myhairs0nfire2. "I wouldn't. You've proven you can't be trusted."
While lil-peanutbutter commented: "Daughter wants nothing to do with someone who steals, treats her like a child, and doesn't care about other people.
"You caused so much damage to her that you should hope that you can fix."
Newsweek reached out to u/Different_Tour_9932 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Sophie is a Newsweek Pop Culture and Entertainment Reporter based in Lincoln, UK. Her focus is reporting on film and ... Read more
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, Click here.
