Parent's Reason for Not Wanting Daughter's Boyfriend in Their Home Backed 

A parent reluctant to allow their daughter's boyfriend to stay in their home while they're away has been backed by users on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared on the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum, user Duvetdaysaregood wrote: "Our dd [dear daughter] has kindly booked us a weekend away, her and us. We were over the moon until we heard the words and bf [boyfriend] can come and look after the pets."

Referring to a previous post the user shared on Mumsnet, the poster added that "the bf said to us he considered our home one of his bases...we really don't want him to be in our home by himself (and also possibly invite parents again)."

Communication is key in family relationships, especially for building resilience, according to a study of indigenous families published in February 2022 in the peer-reviewed journal Family Relations.

The study found that "positive communication practices are a strong component of resilience, healthy Indigenous families. Promotive factors at the community (social and community support), relational (relationship quality), and individual (life satisfaction) levels positively contribute to Indigenous family resilience."

Cindy Shuster, a PCI (Parent Coaching Institute) certified parent coach, told Newsweek: "The parents need to get comfortable setting healthy boundaries. They have already decided that they do not want the boyfriend to stay in the house while they are away, based on prior issues. Now they must clearly communicate this to their daughter."

According to the Mumsnet poster, the boyfriend previously "invited his parents to stay over Christmas [at the poster's home] and it was awful."

In a later post, the parent wrote that the boyfriend is "opportunistic" and "sees situations from the perspective of what he can get from them."

The poster added: "We wish we could tell dd how we [feel] but she would side with him or be hurt.

"We don't want to lose her [the daughter] by insulting her bf, but anyone who has read the previous thread will know why this is really not on..."

In a later post, the user explained: "We feel that anytime we go away our home may be seen as an opportunity to be moved into as he may see it as a chance for a free [vacation]."

The poster wrote they "simply do not know how to deal with this," adding "we don't want to lose dd over the fact that we do not want her bf using our house when we are away."

Shuster said the parents could say something like: "While we are so appreciative that you are giving us this opportunity to get away, we simply aren't comfortable having [insert boyfriend's name] stay and watch the pets. We have made other arrangements for them this time."

If the daughter gets angry or upset by this, the parents need to "stay calm, cool and collected" and "empathize with her feelings, but continue to hold firm," telling her, "We totally understand how you feel. Unfortunately, this is just what we are comfortable with."

Shuster said if the daughter gets angry and cancels their trip, the parents should continue to let her know that "they love her, are open to talking about it, and hope that she will come to understand their position, even if she may never agree with it."

The parent coach added: "Too often, parents fail to set boundaries for fear of negative reactions from their children, but this is not good for anyone in the relationship."

Several users on Mumsnet shared messages of support for the original poster, writing that the user should arrange other pet-care options for their trip.

RebelliousStarrChild posted: "Get a professional pet sitter, say its because you're worried the dogs will be too much to manage or it won't be fair to leave it to her bf."

MrsSkylerWhite wrote: "Book kennels or a professional pet sitter, advise daughter accordingly. Problem solved, no need for angst."

User drinkstoomuchwine agreed, commenting: "I would suggest you tell [your] daughter 'How kind of him, but not necessary - we have a plan.' [Be] friendly but firm. And stick to it."

ChiaraMontague posted: "I think you need to have an honest conversation with DD about her BF using your home as 'one of his bases' and your concerns about his family staying over again. This will keep coming up again and again if you don't discuss it with her and it will only get harder."

Bonjovispyjamas agreed, writing: "You need to put your foot down now or it'll keep on happening."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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