Get rid of the item, hold on to the memory

I drove to Houston last month to give my first cousin a hug. She’d lost her mother, my aunt. Before my cousin returned home to Canada, the two of us spent three full days cleaning out her mother’s house. Clearing out stuff, finding a plethora of old photographs, and--though she had been happily remarried--we even found a satchel full of love letters from my uncle that spanned three years in the late fifties.

As we filled garbage bags, made donation piles for various organizations, everywhere we looked we came across mementos of a life well lived. My aunt’s health had deteriorated over the past few years, and there was very little organization in the entire house. We’d find pictures stashed with other pictures that were taken 20 years apart along with rental car receipts, flight information for trips she’d organized with groups to historical sites, my cousin’s report cards, and so many travel clocks.  We had some good laughs, shed tears, and through it all, I learned a lot about my aunt’s life.  I sorted through years of “stuff” and now know what a talented, vibrant, creative, and well-traveled individual my aunt was. I had no idea she had sewn for my cousin prom dresses, one of which was still hanging in a closet. A good deal of the “stuff” I am sure was considered sentimental to my aunt. Have you ever heard the term “sentimental clutter”?

Sentimental items are anything that we attach emotion and meaning to, which means that the clutter is different for everyone. What are we do with our sentimental clutter? You know that piece of paper or papers that hold a memory and we are emotionally attached to it--photos, old love letters, ticket stubs, children’s artwork, the set of antique Lalique plates that my grandmother collected every Christmas, travel brochures, museum tickets.

The last time I had seen my aunt was at her son’s celebration of life in New York in 2016, and she had graciously taken our immediate family out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. My dear aunt had kept the thank- you card I’d mailed her thanking her for the lovely dinner. I brought the card home with me from Houston. Like my aunt, I have a tendency to hang onto cards and old love letters. Perhaps one could call me a sentimental hoarder.

I have to ask myself, why did I come home with the card? Why do we hang on to things? Perhaps to remind us of a cherished memory. Sometimes the sentimental clutter helps me establish where I was in life, allowing me to recall what I was doing and what was important to me at the time. The sentimental items transport me in time.

The last time I decluttered some sentimental papers. I found that some items were very easy to discard, like the lovely complimentary card from someone I don’t remember meeting or the stack of photos from a camping trip. It was easy to throw out most of the photos and keep a few. Of course, remembering to label the photos is key-- sadly, we all find old family photos stashed in drawers and don’t have a clue as to who is in the pictures.

What are your options when it comes to discarding the sentimental items?  Ask yourself, why am I keeping it? What purpose does it serve? Should I re-purpose it? Re-gift it or pass it on? Take a picture of it or scan it to the cloud? Letting go can be very emotional.  The whole process is challenging, and it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Determine what’s worth keeping.  Consider scanning it to the cloud. I am a big one to pass things on. For instance, last year I sent pictures of my grandfather to a few of his great grandchildren. Who doesn’t love a guy with a big dog?

Because sorting through the sentimental clutter can be very emotional, try doing it in steps. Some days it’s easier to discard old items than other days are. If there is something in your house you don’t want someone else to see, its best to get rid of it, in my opinion. While it’s fun to reflect on old journals, I am not sure I want anyone else to read them.

I enjoy snapping pictures of old photos with my phone and sending them to the people in the pictures. It’s a lovely way to connect with old friends even if it is only through a text message, making the memories come alive for everyone. That is one of the beauties of sentimental clutter—you can throw away the items while you hold on to the memories. Feel free to share your thoughts with me: ashton@ashtoncannon.com.

Ashton Graham is an educator, book publisher, photographer, cowgirl and yoga teacher. She is currently studying to become a yoga therapist and lives on a ranch in West Texas. Visit www.ashtoncannon.com to learn more.