Woman Expecting Boyfriend To Do All Chores in December Backed: 'His Fault'

A woman refusing to do chores in December, despite her boyfriend's complaints, is being supported online.

In a post to Reddit's Am I the A******? forum on December 4, user Visible-Reverse7554 explained that her boyfriend had recently moved into her house.

She owns a small business and most of her annual income is derived from sales between November and December. She warned her boyfriend in advance that she'd be unable to do household chores during this time, but he "dismissed her."

Now she's sticking to her word, leading to arguments and insults.

Why Do Women Do More Household Chores?

In a 2016 poll by Pew Research Center, 61 percent of the married couples surveyed said sharing chores was important for a happy marriage. However, a Pew study in 2021 found that, in heterosexual couples, household tasks still disproportionately fall on women.

Pew surveyed American adults who are married or living with a partner of the opposite sex and found that COVID-19 had deepened gender gaps in the division of responsibilities. Fifty-nine percent of women said they did more chores than their partner, compared to 20 percent of men. When it came to child care, 74 percent of mothers said they handled it, versus 9 percent of fathers.

This trend isn't specific to the US: research from Unicef has found that girls across the globe spend 40 percent more time on chores than boys.

Marni Goldman, a life coach and author of True To Myself: Peace, Love, Marni, underlined the importance of communication for a couple managing their lives together.

"Most marriages and friendships that end are the unfortunate result of poor communication," she told Newsweek. "Make sure you both are listening and comprehending, not just nodding your head in agreement. This is crucial for any healthy relationship."

If you need to discuss shared responsibilities, whether that's chores, child care or finances, pick the right time.

"Being upset and angry is not the right time to explain how you feel. Process your emotions, and come back when you can discuss in a calm collective way," said Goldman.

"The most harmless request can be misinterpreted because of the tone."

It's also crucial that you don't resort to insults, the silent treatment or taking out your bad mood on your significant other.

"Instead, walk in and say 'Full disclosure! I'm in a bad mood, don't take it personally!'" advises Goldman. "You can't argue with that."

'Don't forget to take out that big pile of man trash'

In her Reddit post, Visible-Reverse7554 explained that she had run her own business for five years and had to work 12 to 18-hour days in the run-up to the holidays.

She and her boyfriend usually split chores 50/50. However, she asked if he could pick up the slack on household tasks while she dealt with the Christmas rush.

"He works full time (37.5 hours a week)," she wrote.

"When he moved in, I had a talk with him letting him know that I can't do any chores in November/December and asked if he could pick up the slack because I'm physically unable to do any chores as I can be working anything between 12-18 hours a day (I take a full January off to decompress).

"He said he doubted I worked that much but we will see."

As her busy season drew near, she reiterated that she wouldn't be able to help around the house. "I asked again in September and October to make sure he was aware that I won't be doing anything (I meal prepped in advance) and I felt he kind of dismissed me," she wrote.

"Mid-November, we had an argument about my chores not being done and I reminded him of what I told him.

"He said that he thought I wasn't being serious and told me there's no way he'd do 100% of chores because he's working too. I said fine, don't do my chores, they can wait until I have time. That's how it was when I lived alone, no problem, I don't make much mess anyway."

As the weeks have gone on, the situation has escalated, with Visible-Reverse7554's boyfriend calling her a "lazy b****."

"He said I had to have a better work life balance and to grow up because the house was a mess," she wrote. "I told him if it was a mess it was his fault because I barely leave my office.

"He called me a lazy b****. I told him I didn't have time for arguing and went back working."

After the fight, her boyfriend stood outside of her home office, yelling that she was an "a******" for leaving all the chores to him.

Reddit users were horrified by the man's behavior, with trashlikeyourdata suggesting he is jealous.

"Babe, you own a house. He doesn't and thus had a default position of moving into your place. He doesn't respect the work that bought the house he's now living in," she wrote.

"This is a great time to lay down some boundaries and then stick to them before this evolves into habitual abuse."

Effyoucreeps agreed, posting: "Heed the wise words above. you deserve better than this petulant child for a partner."

Shadow_wolf82 said: "Someone who called me a lazy b**** in MY house wouldn't be living in it much longer."

Rloverbey advised: "When you resume chores in January, don't forget to take out that big pile of man trash."

Visible-Reserve7554 isn't the only woman to ask the internet for advice on their lazy partners. A video of a husband caught pretending to do housework received over 91,000 likes on TikTok recently, while a woman's revenge on her boyfriend who did chores wrong on purpose was called "genius" by Reddit users.

Newsweek has reached out to Visible-Reserve7554 for comment.