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"SNL" Reminded Everyone That Hello Kitty Is NOT A CAT, And Somehow That's Not The Weirdest Thing About Her???

It will take me decades to wrap my mind around the information I learned in this sketch.

Jake Farrington
by Jake Farrington

BuzzFeed Staff

Keke Palmer's episode of Saturday Night Live this weekend was full of must-see moments.

Keke Palmer on SNL
Nbc / Rosalind O'Connor / NBC via Getty Images

Like HER PREGNANCY ANNOUNCMENT!!

Keke Palmer showing off her pregnant belly
Nbc / Will Heath / NBC via Getty Images

OK, Beyoncé vibes!

Her hilarious collab with SZA.

Nbc / Will Heath / NBC via Getty Images, Nbc / Will Heath/NBC via Getty Images

Gotta find me a Big Boy™.

And the Kenan & Kel reboot we didn't know we needed.

Kenan & Kel sketch
Nbc / Rosalind O'Connor / NBC via Getty Images

OK, Nickelodeon, are you listening??

But there is one explosive sketch that I simply cannot stop thinking about.

Hello. Kitty.

The sketch starts out at the Times Square Sanrio store (the company that owns Hello Kitty), where a group of new hires are getting trained to work the sales floor.

new hires smiling in the Sanrio store
Nbc / Will Heath / NBC via Getty Images

In order to work there, they need to know the history of the Hello Kitty character. Well... BUCKLE. UP. Because these Hello Kitty facts in the sketch are actually all true, straight from Sanrio.

NBC
NBC

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!

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THE FACE OF A HUMAN?!?!?!?!

hello kitty holding popcorn
San Rio/Courtesy Everett Collection
manager saying, "It's true — according to the creators, Hello Kitty is a human little girl"
NBC

They go on to list that she was born in 1974, lives in London, and is "five apples tall." They also reveal that she's in the third grade, and if you can do math...

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THE FACE OF A 48-YEAR-OLD THIRD-GRADER?!?!?!

Hello Kitty looking shocked and riding a magic carpet
San Rio/ Courtesy Everett Collection

WHAT ARE WE DOING?!?!?

OK, you might be saying to yourself, it can't get crazier than that. WELL THINK AGAIN, SISTER.

the manager saying, "She also has a boyfriend named Dear Daniel and unlike Hello Kitty he actually is a cat"
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WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?! What are the rules of this world?

one new hire asking, "So the girl is a person but the one in a suit is a cat?" and another new hire asking, "and they're dating so you're telling me those two are clappin' cheeks bareback"
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MY QUESTIONS EXACTY!!!!!!

THE FACE OF A 48-YEAR-OLD HUMAN THIRD-GRADER WITH A CAT FOR A BOYFRIEND?!?!

Hello Kitty smiling
San Rio/Courtesy Everett Collection

In case you forgot (like I did), this story actually first broke back in 2014 when anthropologist Christine R. Yano was curating a Hello Kitty exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles.

people at the Hello Kitty exhibit
Amy Graves / Getty Images for SEPHORA

"I was corrected — very firmly," she told the Los Angeles Times. "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."

STOP. IT. RIGHT. NOW. So let's go over this.

Hello Kitty: -human little girl -48 years old -in third grade -has pet cat -has cat boyfriend -measures weight and height in apples
NBC

HOW COULD THIS GET WEIRDER?!

Well, Hello Kitty is also apparently Natasha Lyonne. BECAUSE WHY NOT?!

Natasha Lyonne holding a Hello Kitty head and dressed in the costume
NBC

It makes no less sense than anything else I learned this weekend!!

You can watch the full sketch here. And be careful out there. Nothing is as it seems.