CLEVELAND, Ohio — Quarterback Deshaun Watson preferred not to discuss his numerous assault allegations this week. Browns fans preferred not to think about them.
Sexual assault victims don’t get to compartmentalize the topic, though. And according Laura Palumbo, communications director for the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, you probably know one.
“Whether someone in our lives has disclosed it to us or not, we all know survivors of sexual harassment, assault and abuse,” Palumbo told cleveland.com this week. “Each and every one of us.”
Cases like Watson’s can reactivate old traumas in assault victims, particularly when the public expresses doubt over the alleged perpetrator’s guilt or tries to minimize the harm he or she has caused, according to Palumbo and Dr. Tyffani Dent, a licensed psychologist at Monford-Dent Consulting & Psychological Services.
When victims report their experience, ”we want some accountability,” Dent said. “And that can be very empowering. But it can feel disempowering when the rallying doesn’t always happen around you.”
As cleveland.com reported in August, some Browns fans cheered Watson’s initial six-game suspension because it meant he could play this season. Others thought six games was too harsh a punishment (the suspension was later amended to 11 games).
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Silent survivors make note of those moments, which Dent says “reinforce their fear of disbelief.” Their unease is exacerbated when doubt is expressed by people they know – “by your favorite Browns fan,” Dent said.
Dent described a “cognitive dissonance” that develops among fan bases when one of their team’s players is accused of assault.
“There’s this, I want to believe that I’m a good person who values justice and accountability and values survivors, but I’m also a Browns fan,” she said. “So I need to disbelieve this in order to make this other thing OK, to cheer for this person.”
Palumbo said that mindset forms because people want to believe they have control over the safety of their friends and family. “(They think) that because they haven’t had these experiences, they’ve done something right and others have done something wrong,” she continued.
Palumbo urges people to avoid victim-blaming comments. Dent prepares clients to hear them when a high-profile case hits the news. “Healing is not a linear journey,” she reminds them. They will encounter moments that may awaken old feelings of anger, anxiety and frustration.
The question that follows, and the question she recommends to friends of survivors, is, “What is the support that you need in this moment?”
First step: “I believe you.” Dent considers those words imperative to a survivor’s recovery. From there, support should be up to the survivor.
They might need someone to listen. They might need others to tread carefully when discussing an assault case. They might even ask for “less” support.
“Sometimes in our rush to be supportive, we do things that are going to work for us, and the person may not be ready for that,” Dent said. “We may hold a sign that says, ‘My sister is a sexual assault survivor,’ but then you are taking away their ability to disclose what they want to and in what way.”
Dent also recommended that Clevelanders pose questions to the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center national organizations like Palumbo’s NSVRC.
“But the first person you should ask is that person in your life,” Dent said. “Be aware of what you say and what you do, but you want to ask them. Because their power shouldn’t be taken again.”
Resources for those affected by sexual assault:
Cleveland Rape Crisis Center: 216-619-6192
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
You know a survivor. https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications/2018-04/survivors_FINAL508.pdf
Embrace your voice: https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/embraceyourvoice_onepager_508.pdf
Understanding sexual violence: https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/understandingsexualviolence_onepager_508.pdf
If you or a loved one has questions and needs to talk to a professional about gambling, call the Ohio Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-589-9966 or the National Council on Program Gambling Helpline (NCPG) at 1-800-522-4700.
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