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The Secret to Connecting With My Autistic Son
I've learned that when my autistic son has an outburst or meltdown, we must summon our empathy. Our focus must not be on making him stop. When he is upset, we must listen wisely to find the key to calming him. Our response must be "can do," not "we can't."...
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The Mental Benefits of Seeking Awe
Awe is an emotional experience felt when individuals encounter powerful experiences, such as works of art, giving birth, or nature. The feeling of awe evokes a sense of wonder and can transform the way we see the world. The experience of awe can make us feel diminished and insignificant. Encountering...
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Choosing to Live According to Your Values
Values represent a direction and associated behaviors that have the potential to bring joy and fulfillment. There is no finish line. The focus on values is at the core of a therapeutic intervention called acceptance and commitment therapy. A classic ACT exercise for accessing values is to think about your...
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Are Moms to Blame When Their Kids Behave Badly?
Moms are often blamed when their kids behave in unwelcome ways. Some kids suffer from complicated conditions that aren’t easily seen or understood. Kids who act out in school aren’t necessarily naughty. They might be struggling with ADHD, anxiety, autism, or an undiagnosed disease. When I was pregnant,...
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Finding Joy and Engaging in the Dance of Life
Why is it so challenging for adults to find joy in the everyday, yet so easy for children? We enter the world with a sense of wonder and curiosity. Because we are constantly in the present moment, our eyes see only what is right in front of us, making us little masters of mindfulness. We engage freely and smile easily. As we move from infancy through toddlerhood, we play ceaselessly and ask endless questions.
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A Novel Method: The Parenting 'Drip Campaign'
Parents can learn from marketing tactics by influencing their children with short teaching moments. Reactive parenting with frustration may be emotionally disruptive to the child impairing their ability to learn new behaviors. Short frequent guidance can build a strong bond and allow parents to model empathy and calmness and provide...
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Change Without Shame
Many of us approach change through self-shame. Shame activates our fear-response system, which is counterproductive to lasting change. Science shows us that self-compassion is a more effective approach. As January wanes, so too may your resolve for positive change dwindle. For many of us, January starts with a ray of...
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The Power of Our Words
Not everyone realizes how powerful words can be. One negative statement can negate thousands of kind and thoughtful words we have said to someone. It's important to consider how our words—both negative and positive—will affect others and ourselves before we use them. I think everyone agrees that words...
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Does Anybody Know Who You Really Are?
From the very beginning of our lives, we need another person to reflect back to us that they see us in all of our complexity. We want to know that we can be loved even with our flaws, imperfections, and negative qualities. Mirroring is mutual. The person who reflects to...
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A Single Practice to Transform and Potentially Extend Life
The health benefits of meditation are innumerable including potentially increasing one's lifespan. Eliminating what the Buddhists call monkey mind is a surefire way to become more present to your life. Higher social standing, once measured by leisure, is now measured by busyness. I have a confession: I once was a...
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Recognize the Truth of Others’ Pain
There is unavoidable emotional pain when those we care about are threatened or suffer. Most of our stresses and upsets come from needless suffering that we cause ourselves, which is the opposite of being at peace. Strengthen neural networks in the brain that support spacious mindfulness, staying in the present,...
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Are Moments of Human Connection Always Joyful?
Moments of human connection have a positive psychological impact, but they do not always feel joyful. Meaningful interactions are often characterized by a complex mix of emotions—sometimes a mix of happy feelings and difficult ones. No matter what feelings we experience in the process of connecting, we tend to...
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The Consequences of Not Trusting Your Feelings
Feelings aren’t always as they appear and are easily disguised as thoughts. Until one gets under their thoughts and into their root emotions, the trap of overthinking will continue. Once a person knows what they feel, they can metabolize the emotion, communicate, and move on. You should fix what...
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Borderline Personality Disorder Isn’t Just for the Young
Borderline personality disorder is typically regarded as a disorder making its first appearance before the age of 30, if not earlier. New research challenges this conventional wisdom, showing that cases can arise for the first time well into the years of adulthood. Early attachment issues reawakened by key events, especially...
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Have You Had a Drug-Free "Psychedelic" Experience?
Despite anecdotal evidence across cultures, mainstream psychology knows very little about spontaneous spiritual awakenings. They are often pathologized by the medical community due to overlap with symptoms found in mental disorders like schizophrenia. Spontaneous spiritual awakenings can result in a number of positive long-term outcomes. A recent study published in...
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Thought Reading and Mind Hacking
By scanning a person’s brain, scientists may be able to decode people's thoughts, their dreams and even their intentions. Thought-reading techniques can help patients with locked-in syndrome communicate and feel human. We all must ensure that scientific progress serves the best interests of humankind and is not used unethically.
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How to Cope When Ambiguous Loss and Long-Distance Care Meet
Caring for family members who are in vegetative states can feel like an ambiguous loss. In addition, caring for family who live in a different country can bring about additional difficulties. Reliance on social networks for instrumental and emotional support can lessen the difficulty during this time. Self-compassion is another...
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Misperceiving Your Body’s Appearance
Body Dysmorphic Disorder is characterized by an intense and distressing preoccupation with one's appearance. Up to 80 percent of people with BDD experience suicidal ideation, and around 25 percent have attempted suicide. The brains of people with BDD look similar to those of people with OCD, emphasizing the ruminating and...
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Do You Know Who You're Dating?
When people grow up with the same friends and families that are intertwined, they leave traceable footprints of where they’ve been, who they’ve been with, and what is important to look to in the future. They form a community of people who matter to each other. When they...
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Parenting Teenage Boys in the Age of Online Influencers
Parents are often not aware of the online influencers their teenage sons follow. Communication is key for parents to understand the role of influencers on their teenage sons. Influencers may or may not impact a teenager's life, so it's best for parents to stay attuned to their teen's mental health.
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