The Real 'Good Nurse': I Helped Catch Serial Killer Charles Cullen

I first met Charles Cullen during his orientation at Somerset Medical Center in New Jersey in 2002. I was still a travel nurse at that time, so I was only working weekends. I saw him speaking with one particular nurse, who I knew wasn't great at teaching.

We kind of made eye contact and I could tell he was having a hard time, so I slyly walked over to him and said: "Don't worry, I've got you. I'll show you everything you need after all this." We were instant friends.

I was living in upstate New York, around four hours from the hospital, so I would drive down and stay there over the weekends. I was a single mom but was co-parenting really well with my two daughters' dad. It's one of the things I'm most proud of; the girls really thought I was a stay-at-home mom.

But, I was suffering from electrical cardiomyopathy, which can be fatal. They didn't realize how sick I was, but I was working myself to death. It started with a type of heart rhythm disorder called sick sinus syndrome, meaning my heart rate could be very, very slow—sometimes it was only at 20 beats per minute. Then, my heart would realize the rate was too low and would start firing all over the place to get it to function properly. Those are called escape rhythms and can be fatal.

The diagnosis is not great, most of the time it means you go onto a transplant list. I was at the level where I needed a heart transplant, but I couldn't go on the list because I was a travel nurse and would lose my job if I was deemed too sick to work. I was under extreme stress.

Amy Loughren/Charles Cullen
Amy Loughren is the real-life woman behind the Netflix movie "The Good Nurse". She helped catch serial killer Charles Cullen in 2003. Dia Dipasupil / Staff/John Wheeler / Stringer/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images News

Charles Cullen helping deal with my illness

Right about the time after I met Charles, I had my first pacemaker defibrillator fitted, but it didn't work for me. So there I was thinking: "I am going to leave behind two beautiful little daughters." I was fighting for my life, but I still had to work under those conditions. Most people apply for disability allowance, but I could not afford that. I would not have been able to pay for the medical care I needed at that time.

I would spend weekends sleeping at the hospital and I would bring my medication with me, but sometimes I was so exhausted that I would forget to take it onto the ward. I would be working and all of a sudden my heart rate would be in the 200s.

On several occasions I became very faint and couldn't make it up to my room. Charlie knew what was happening, so sometimes he would help by getting medications out for me, which was quite frowned upon.

Charles was very funny, he laughed at all my jokes and was in a very similar family situation to myself; he was divorced with two daughters. He was going through a rough time with his girlfriend. They lived together but fought constantly, so we joked about how his life was like a television drama.

My friendship with Charles Cullen

Charles and I were friends with another nurse, so staff would call us the three musketeers. We would all come in to work with our sad relationship woes and tell ridiculous stories about our love lives. We were very close, he was the only one at work who knew about my heart condition at the time.

I believe it was different to an ordinary friendship. Sometimes, nurses who work on the same unit bond very deeply. It's not necessarily healthy, but often medical professionals see their co-workers more than their families. Especially with night nurses, we are usually exhausted during the week; all we can think about is sleep. So we end up losing our social support in the outside world and focus on the social support in the workplace.

Luckily, I was pretty socially active outside of work during the week; I had time to catch up with my single mom friends in my neighborhood. In fact, I recently asked my daughters what they remembered about that period of our lives and they said it was a very happy time.

The girls had no idea how sick I was and I went out of my way to create an environment of fun and health. It was all a lie, but that is what they remember. I am so glad I was able to create that atmosphere.

My children did not meet Charles Cullen, although I did have an apartment in New Jersey which we stayed in during the summertime and there were several times he called and left voicemails. My oldest daughter, Alex, remembers speaking to him on the phone on a few occasions.

Police investigate Charles Cullen's murders

When the detectives showed up at Somerset to speak to me, I really thought perhaps it was something to do with narcotics, that was the only thing, in my mind, which would have brought the police to the hospital. They asked me questions about Charles and I immediately went to protect him, because I thought maybe someone was trying to pin something on him.

I went right at the detectives saying: "This is all b******, this is not real, this is a witch hunt." I had known Charles for about a year and a half at this point and thought there was no way he could have done anything illegal related to drugs. I didn't know it was a murder case at this stage.

My first meeting was with Danny Baldwin, the lead detective on the case. Danny made the decision to speak with me alone, because he'd heard through the grapevine that I was close with Charles and thought it would better serve the investigation if he was the only person that talked to me.

Danny said to me: "We think he's been harming patients." They suspected him of murdering numerous people, often by administering drug overdoses, at the various healthcare facilities he had worked at throughout his career. I went right at him. I insisted I would not talk to him about Charles. I said: "If you think you're going to get any information from me, then you're crazy."

Initially, my representative was in there with us, but when he left the room, Danny decided he would show me the evidence they had gathered against Charles so far. After that, it was evident to me that he had been doing something sinister.

I later asked Danny why he wanted to work with me after I had defended my friend so profusely. He said he liked the spirit he saw in me, he felt I was so authentic and I wasn't afraid.

For instance, there was this particular heart medication which came in a tiny vial and was diluted into an entire bag of medication which lasted over 24 hours. At one one point, Charles took out multiple vials; six or twelve at a time. He didn't try to hide it.

In my experience, there's no reason to ever take out that amount of that specific medication. So it wasn't an accident. I believe that it was clear from the way he was taking that medication out that he wanted someone to see what he was doing.

Two things went through my head very quickly. Firstly, why didn't the pharmacy see what was going on? Secondly, if the pharmacy had seen what was happening, why didn't they question Charlie? Thirdly, either one of those things were not good.

Helping catch a serial killer

When I flipped through the evidence, I knew. I could see within thirty seconds, by the way he was withdrawing those medications, that something was not right and that the police should be there. So, I agreed to help the detectives with their investigation.

I worked hand-in-hand with the detectives to figure out what cocktail of drugs Charles was using. He took out medications that brutally murdered people. There are so many articles calling him the "angel of death" or quoting his claims that he killed because he was helping to end his patient's suffering. I believe he did not.

Mostly, I helped the police decipher medical language to make their investigation easier. Before I became involved, detectives already had a lot of evidence. I didn't know they probably had enough to put him behind bars already. So, in my mind, there was so much pressure. I thought I really had to get a confession out of him.

Throughout the process I felt a lot of guilt, because Charlie was still my friend. I am loyal and authentic, so for me to try and portray something that was not true, to make sure I put myself in a place of always seeing him still as my friend, was really hard. He thought I would still have his back and I felt I couldn't fake that without really truly still being his friend.

On December 12, 2003, I met Charles in a sports bar while wearing a wire. After confronting him about the deaths, he changed. I only saw glimpses of the murderer he was twice. Once in that restaurant, he completely changed. It was not the same person; his body language, eye color and demeanor were all different. His smugness and pride was so apparent. That it was not my friend Charlie any more.

When I came out of the restaurant, I had gotten a partial confession out of him, but the wire had malfunctioned. I thought it was done, so I came out of the restaurant and collapsed into Danny Baldwin's arms. I just sobbed and shook. I thought we had him.

I thought it was over, that I could just rest and I'd never have to do this ever again. But I had to go back in and speak every word again—talk about stressful.

I was not aware the wire had malfunctioned. I just knew it was not a clear and absolute confession and Danny and Tim were hoping I could get him to explain his crimes in detail.

I got to that point where I realized I was the only person likely to get that confession out of Charles and that I had one moment in time to do that. I knew I had to find a way to make him say the words. I thought the only one way out was for him to believe he was being a hero by telling the truth. So the detectives and I essentially came up with a plan that would help him believe he was being a hero by confessing.

I told him that he would not only drag me into this but I could also be implicated in his crimes. I said the only way that I was not going to be implicated is if he became my hero and confessed. So he got to be a hero that day.

The second time he confessed to me, I saw glimpses of the murderer once again. I felt a shift in him; he seemed proud of his crimes. He appeared excited to finally speak the words. He was proud and smug; not the friend I knew. It was very sad. The person who the public saw in court, the person who wouldn't even look up at the victim's families, was not my friend Charlie. He would never have done that, the person I knew would have been apologetic.

After his arrest, I struggled with guilt on all sides; guilt that I didn't see it sooner, guilt that I could have saved more patients and guilt that I lied to a friend to put him behind bars. Of course, I understand that he's a monster who needed to be held accountable. But I didn't know him as a murderer, I only knew my friend, who had helped me, supported me and listened to me. He was someone who had shown me such kindness. Separating that from the murderer was really hard for me.

I have spent years on this spiritual quest trying to figure out why I did not see what was happening. I think I have this superpower of only seeing the good in people. I used to think that was a weakness, but now I realize it's such a beautiful strength, because I can truly connect with people—past what their true darkness is, because we all have it.

So many people have loved dark people; I realize now that we can still love those people and approach them with kindness, it doesn't mean that we don't hold them accountable. In my eyes, we don't have to become monsters to make sure others are held to account for their actions, we can still be true to ourselves and the light within us.

Story being turned into a Netflix movie

I didn't have a role in Cullen's trial, I was in the paperwork as a confidential informant. Nobody knew who I was until Charles Graeber released a book called The Good Nurse in 2013. After various legal issues were resolved, I was able to speak to him about my story. He is just amazing and I'm very lucky to have worked with him for the past twelve years.

When screenwriter Krysty Wilson-Cairns and director Tobias Lindholm first came to me and told me they wanted to make a movie based on the book, I was very concerned. I didn't want them to create another serial killer movie, but I eventually warmed to the idea because Charles Graeber trusted them to emphasize what he highlighted in the book; that relationship between me and Charlie and the humanity it took to get this incredibly deadly serial killer behind bars.

Krysty, Tobias and I worked very closely together. Jessica Chastain and I had conversations in which I stressed that I really did not want her to play who I am now. The person I was 20 years ago was very different, I didn't have the same sense of wisdom back then. I was much more cocky and had a little bit of a chip on my shoulder. I have much more humility now and I think she blended that beautifully.

I think Krysty and Tobias did a beautiful job. Watching Jessica play me was really hard at first, because I wanted to judge her in the same way I judged my younger self. But I just couldn't. Watching her allowed me to love my younger self and the good she did and to stop judging my current self so harshly. She really helped to heal me.

It was not easy watching Eddie Redmayne become Charles Cullen. I have only been able to watch the movie once because he does such a tremendous job at becoming him that I can't tell the difference, it's like watching my friend Charlie on the screen.

Amy Loughren is a former nurse who lives in Florida. Her story is told in Charles Graeber's The Good Nurse and the Netflix documentary Capturing The Killer Nurse. You can follow her Instagram at @amythegoodnurse.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek associate editor, Monica Greep.

Uncommon Knowledge

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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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Amy Loughren


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