Childless Woman's 'Awkward' Comeback to Sister-in-Law With 3 Kids Applauded

A woman has been backed for pointing out her sister-in-law's poor financial situation at a family party.

Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a user by the name of u/sunny_sunshineLover spoke about an difficult moment that occurred at her birthday party during the last week of September.

So far, the post has received 6,400 upvotes and the top comment alone has racked up over 9,000 upvotes.

The 36-year-old woman explained she has been trying to conceive for three years before finding out there is a fertility problem. The original poster (OP) and her husband, 40, tried three rounds of IVF but were unsuccessful.

She said: "We finally got pregnant last year but I miscarried. So, we decided to give up and accepted that we aren't meant to become parents."

The OP mentions she was joined by family and friends at her birthday party and her mother-in-law asked about their fertility journey and was supportive when told they are no longer trying for a baby.

She stated that her father-in-law was also supportive which was a relief—until the situation became "awkward."

"My sister-in-law said something like 'I'm glad you guys finally made that decision. God chooses only those up to the challenge to become parents, you know.'

"There was an awkward silence then she continued 'you should not adopt either.'

The OP explains her sister-in-law is a pregnant mom-of-three and her partner works part-time at a local supermarket while she looks after the children.

"They're not in a good financial situation and have to rely on benefits to get by. I answered her with 'I'm sure God chooses only the right people to become parents. I wonder what the qualifications are though, because clearly, financial stability isn't one of them.'

"There was another awkward silence before the father-in-law changed the topic," said the OP.

The OP ends the post by stating she received a message from her husband's sister who accused her of "looking down" on the family because they are "poor."

'It's Best to Put Your Personal Opinions Aside'

Newsweek reached out to Mary Beth Somich, who is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor. She holds dual graduate degrees in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University.

Speaking to Newsweek, she said: "Many people are worried about saying the 'wrong' thing to a family member going through a hard time. Though, the fact that they are worried at all indicates a level of thoughtfulness and empathy for the other person. It's those who respond impulsively who run the risk of insensitivity.

"Sometimes, it's best to simply offer your presence and a listening ear. There is no single perfect or right thing to say, but there are certainly wrong ones. Resist the urge to problem solve or offer statements rooted in toxic positivity like 'look on the bright side...' Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is just listen and validate the other person's feelings.

"When you can't find the words to say to someone going through a hard time, it's OK to admit 'I don't even know what to say right now.' This indicates that you are listening, empathizing, and acknowledging the complexity and difficulty of their situation. Most importantly, it's honest and humble. This helps make you a safe person to share with.

"During hard times, it's best to put your personal opinions aside and focus on what your family member is experiencing. Empathy is distinct from sympathy in that it requires you to look at a situation from another person's perspective and imagine what it would be like to feel what they are feeling.

"This comes more easily to some than others. Obviously, you cannot fully understand what it is like to be in the other person's shoes, but it's safe to say that criticism surely isn't helpful. It's also best not to compare your situation to theirs or pressure them to disclose more than they are comfortable sharing.

"Gestures can often be more powerful than words. Offering a hug, providing a meal, or spending quality time together where grief or hardship is not the focus can feel healing and supportive."

AITA?

The top comment has received almost 10,000 upvotes. It said: "It's very telling that father-in-law changed the topic. You said what everyone else was thinking, apparently. What she said was inhumanely callous. I'm so sorry.

"From the way this sub works, in-laws stick with in-laws. If they said nothing to reprimand OP I guess they felt like it was over and done. My sister-in-law was a nasty person for saying that to OP. You reap what you sow. Or whatever they saying is," wrote another.

Newsweek reached out to u/sunny_sunshineLover for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.