An adult son's money-based family dilemma went viral on Reddit after users backed the 20-year-old, who wrote that he pay for their entire grocery bill and rent.
The son posted that he lives with his mom and stepdad, along with his two stepsisters ages 12 and 14 and a half-sibling aged six months, and the financial role he plays in the family dynamic has caused a strain in their relationships.
As explained by Bose, money can be a difficult topic for many families. In 2014, an American Psychological Association survey showed that 36 percent of Americans are uncomfortable talking about money, and 18 percent said money was a taboo subject in their families.
Just 37 percent of parents said that they often talk with their family members about the subject of money.
BACP-registered therapist Simone Bose, who offers family counseling, told Newsweek: "Money is a very emotional topic. It is connected with identity, can be a shameful thing if you don't have a lot of it, it gives a sense of safety for a lot of people, it gives people freedom and autonomy in their lives, it impacts the choices we have in the future.
"A lot of the time, families don't talk about money very much or there is a certain way that it is discussed," said Bose.
The son shared his dilemma on Reddit where he gained more than 12,000 upvotes. Since the age of 16, he has paid for his phone bills, clothes and other outgoings, and rent along with car payments since he was 18.
He began buying his own separate groceries, after seeing that family members would eat a lot of the food in the house.
"Ever since three or four months ago, my mom has been asking me to 'buy this, buy that, buy this again' and I've been doing their groceries too, so I'm basically paying for all of the food, plus rent, plus driving my step-sister to and from school and among other things," the poster wrote.
A disagreement over his stepsiblings wanting to eat the last of the watermelon he bought, after they had eaten the rest of it, turned into a financial tussle.
"My mom's husband said kids go first but I said kids have been eating watermelon for the past days and it was my turn, he looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Put it back, son. You can eat something else' so I just said I'll be eating whatever I want because I was paying for it. Nobody said anything after that and I took it to my room," wrote the son.
"Later my mom came and apologized for him, but said that I shouldn't have said anything in front of my sisters and was rude, because I was being 'financially abusing' with my family, so I don't know?"
Reddit users unanimously sided with the son, writing that he should no longer pay for groceries.
"If I were you, I'd be looking for a different place to live. They had the nerve to say that YOU are 'financially abusing' THEM?!," wrote one Redditor.
"Fine, if they want to throw that term around, tell them that you've decided to move out so that they don't feel like you're financially abusing them anymore. If anybody in this situation has the right to make that accusation, it's you. I doubt that it will get any better unless you remove yourself from the situation."
"You're not their parents, you shouldn't be the one who's financially responsible for their food," added another Reddit user.
Bose recommends openly talking with family when money causes issues and setting clear boundaries.
"Firstly sit with your feelings, before taking action, try and understand yourself. You are also entitled to your feelings, whether that be anger, frustration. However if you go talking to your mother or her husband full of emotions, they will override a conversation.
"If you go in with accusatory language or blame language, you will find that your family will become defensive and the conversation will probably not end up being constructive," Bose said.
"Financial boundaries can be very different for different people, whether it is something that is normal in your culture, to eg: support parents and live with them in adulthood, whereas other people that would not be acceptable."
Bose said: "Think about what your boundaries are carefully and set them as kindly as you can, but you do need to also communicate them."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway_990287 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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