My Boyfriend Moved His Female Friend Into Our Home—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I'm wondering if this is something that I should be concerned about or if should just get over it. My boyfriend moved his friends into the home we were staying at because they lost their apartment and the woman's husband had to go to jail.

In order for them to not be homeless with their dog, we agreed to allow them to stay. At first, it was only supposed to be for a temporary amount of time but as time went circumstances changed and we ended up keeping them as roommates.

So the man has since been sent to jail, and until he gets out, my man is responsible for keeping his woman, their dog, and all of their vehicles and belongings safe until he gets out. It was six months but now it's three.

Anyway now it seems like my guy is all about this girl and I feel pushed to the back burner. My relationship has changed and it's really getting to me. I understand that he has a lot of stress added to his plate now and I'm thankful she is safe. I'm not upset about them having a friendship. It is way more than just that though.

My boyfriend's attitude towards me has completely changed. We have hardly any intimacy and he refers to them as "we're" and me as "you" like I'm separate from them. He is just always using the restroom and acting like I'm so irritating. I understand stress has taken its toll here, but when is this considered unacceptable, and what should I do about it? What can I do about it?

This is my home, my life, my relationship and I've been sharing everything and then some to accommodate this but it's getting to me bad.

Bella, Sacramento

Hoping It Will Get Better Just Doesn't Work

Amber Marine is a Love and Relationship Coach based in the UK.

Dear Bella,

I am so sorry to hear of your dilemma and indeed it is a tricky situation for you because your heart and head are in conflict over this matter. It is clear to see that this is all very much something to be concerned about. Your intuition is crying out that the whole scenario is not emotionally healthy and until you find your voice and take action it will continue to eat away at you.

Being in denial and hoping it will just get better is not a strategy for any of us that works. Whilst it may appear kind for your boyfriend to move his 'friends' in, your relationship with him in fact requires its own sacred space to blossom!

A few weeks with them as roommates may have been possible to empathetically accommodate, but months are ticking by and this is clearly far from temporary (and thus compromising your relationship). You cannot even be sure that when his friend is out of jail that anything will change. The fact that his friend's wife is taking priority is in itself a major red flag! Your boyfriend should be making you feel reassured and confident but he is not - quite the opposite.

One thing is for sure it is too much of a coincidence that he should go off sex with you while having a new woman in the house that he shows new interest in. All of these point to the possibility of the start of an affair, or an existing one.

You are clearly an empath and incredibly kind (shown by your not wishing to misjudge the situation) but just as they say, sometimes we need to wake up and smell the coffee.

You are not imagining his lack of interest and unfair treatment and complete lack of affection and it's time now for you to be strong. He needs to make you a priority, and be consistently thoughtful and committed. He needs to be his given ultimatum that she needs to go to save you both or you are leaving Give him a deadline and stick to it. Understandably, this is all very hard and painful!

By all means, chat this through openly and honestly with him. But if you don't get answers and action deadlines for her to move her out then the writing is on the wall. If he doesn't act then it is time to go and seek someone who does appreciate and respect you. Decent boyfriends are out there and you are more than worthy of the right kind of love!

You Need To Set Aside Time To Talk With Your Partner

Jamie Schenk DeWitt is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Based in Los Angeles, California.

Dear Reader,

Based on what you are describing and feeling it sounds like your current circumstances are distressing you. You don't need to "just get over it." You say that you feel "pushed to the back burner," and that the change in your relationship is "really getting to me."

Reader, you just let us know that what is transpiring at home is upsetting. Your feelings are valid. You owe it to yourself and the relationship to set aside time to talk with your partner and advocate for what you need and want. Only then will you really have a deeper understanding of how your boyfriend feels and what is going on at home. It is meaningful that you can empathize with his stress and the extra load of responsibility he feels to help his friends.

It shows that you care about his well-being. However, it also sounds like you are maybe feeling neglected and not important anymore, which is causing you to feel bad about the situation at home.

In a relationship, when you start feeling as if you don't matter and you are experiencing a lack of intimacy, you don't want to wait too long to address these issues because resentment and more disconnect can set in. It also sounds like you are starting to feel like your boundaries in terms of accommodating his friends are being compromised, which is contributing to your feelings of
being "pushed to the back burner."

Reader, I am not sure how you feel about confronting your boyfriend and telling him what you are feeling and observing, but it is truly the most productive and efficient path forward. Set aside a time when you both can be present and available to hear each other out to come to a clearer understanding of how you are both feelings.

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money, and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.