New Mom Slammed for Using Sister's Deceased Baby's Name for Her Own Child

The internet was left stunned after a new mom used her sister's deceased baby's name for her own child.

Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/Available-Hearing515 shared her story in order to receive feedback from the "AITA" followers.

The original poster (OP) began her story by explaining that three years ago, she gave birth to her daughter. Unfortunately, her child passed away 19 hours after being born. She described the experience as "traumatizing" and that she still struggles with it today. Due to the pain, she and her partner split up as they "couldn't stand to be together anymore." She was named Coraline Iris, two names that she and her partner liked.

"My younger sister recently had a daughter and she kept the name a secret from everyone until it was legal. I didn't think twice about this until the name went online in an announcement, Iris Coraline. She took both my daughters names and just swapped the order. If she'd only taken one of the names to try and honour my daughter and made a middle name I wouldn't be upset but this felt deliberate and the fact she hid it from everyone makes it even worse," u/Available-Hearing515 wrote.

"I went to her home to demand to know what she was playing at with this and she got offended telling me she'd always thought the names were beautiful and she'd swapped the order so I shouldn't be upset. This led to an argument with shouting on both ends, finally I called her an insensitive b**ch before I left and ended up crying a lot when I got home. Everyone in the family is uncomfortable with this name choice but many think I took it too far to go round to her house and start a fight when she's recovering from giving birth," she continued.

The OP's mother told her that it was a nice way to "keep her daughter's name alive," which still doesn't seem right to her.

Newsweek reached out to u/Available-Hearing515 for comment.

Newsweek has published several articles regarding family conflicts including an identical twin who used her sister's nickname for her OnlyFans account, a woman praised online for "body shaming" her overweight sister over her new job outfit and a "childish" man who was slammed online after faking an injury in order to leave their brother's wedding.

How to rekindle a relationship with your sister

Are you in a similar situation as the OP? Did you and your sibling get into a big fight that resulted in you not talking to one another? Have you cooled down from the argument and are ready to make amends? According to oureverydaylife.com, here are some good ways to rebuild sister relationships:

• Apologize: You can help the situation grow in a positive way by putting your sibling relationship first.
• When discussing the matter, listen to her side of the story as it may help you realize how things went wrong.
• Show appreciation to your sibling by doing something nice for her.
• Understand that it might take time for an apology to be accepted.

Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, a sibling therapist, spoke with Newsweek about rebuilding a healthy sibling relationship. Lewis explained that she uses the phrases "In my perspective," "from my point of view" or "as I thought" when speaking to her clients.

"They have to find a way to be able to say—maybe it's in person or by a letter and writing to each other. So, being open to hearing from the other person's perspective is absolutely vital in healing any sibling problem," she said.

Lewis gave an example of if one sibling is always stealing items from another and the parents don't address it, it can affect a child in a sense that they aren't being heard and can carry over into adulthood.

"The adult relationships [for siblings] is often shaped by the early preschool and early elementary school years," she said. "That's the piece that most people are not paying attention to and talked about is the impact of those early years on the relationship and how it gets carried over and shows up in very subtle ways."

Redditors' response

U/Unm_hello_yes wrote in the top comment with over 11,000 upvotes, "[Not the a**hole] She expected you to react negatively, which is why she kept it secret, yet instead of asking you or tactfully telling you, she sets you up to find out on social media... after it is permanent. This is so insensitive, absurd, a cry for attention, and down right f**ked up it is ridiculous.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you. This isn't a way to remember your child... bc she would've asked and told you that. She is stealing the name and being shameless about it. Again, I'm sorry. I hope she realizes her huge mistake but it sounds like the classic case of the youngest sibling who just gets whatever she wants in general and everyone around just conforms to the [bulls**t]," the commenter continued.

U/Born_Tomorrow_1482 said,"[Not the a**hole]-Excuse me????????? She should've asked permission first of all. But hiding it until it was legal and not easily changed was 10000% deliberate. I agree, calling then (first name) and then have a middle name be either Iris or Coraline in HONOR of your baby would be acceptable (still with permission).

"How did she think you would feel when her child came to family events and you had to re-live that trauma over and over again? Absolutely did not take that far at all. Her recovering from birth is not an excuse to not explain her heartless actions to you. Wait a little bit if you want to, but you deserve an explanation. Her thinking the 'swap' would not make you at least uncomfortable is bulls**t. I'm so sorry she put you through this," the Reddit user concluded.

"[Not the a**hole] i honestly will cut her off forever, but that's just me," u/brokentothecoregirl admitted.

"[Not the a**hole] It's been only three years and she used both the first and middle names... I don't care how much she liked the names, that's just all sorts of callously cruel. You may have overreacted, but, honestly, you were provoked. I'm so sorry you had to go through this," u/IAndaraB commented.

Update 10/04/2022: The article was updated to feature a comment from Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, a sibling therapist.