A woman angry over her partner attending a wedding without her has split opinions online.
Posting to Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on 29 September, user ivegotthisyeah explained that she can't afford to attend the overseas ceremony, but assumed her "better off" partner would pay for her.
Some users felt it was reasonable for her partner to cover the costs, while others blasted the poster for acting "entitled."
It costs guests $800 to attend a wedding
A recent study by Amazon Handmade estimated that guests will spend $800 on average to attend a wedding over the next year.
Surveying 1,000 wedding invitees, researchers found that people expected to spend an average of $123 on accommodation and $106 on travel. Guests planned to spend $115 on their outfit and $86 on hair and make-up, as well as $115 on gifts and $102 at the bachelor or bachelorette party. Along with food ($93) and alcohol ($96), the average total cost for guests is $838.08.
To prevent couples from ending up in awkward financial situations like the poster's, relationship therapist Gill Booth recommends discussing plans as soon as possible.
"Talk to each other about the event when the invitation comes through," she told Newsweek.
"It's much easier to sort out problems like costs of attending, and how things can be paid for, earlier rather than later.
"It's all about communication, communication, communication."
'Why should he pay?'
In her post, ivegotthisyeah said she had been with her boyfriend for almost two years, but they currently don't live together and keep their finances separate.
She said her boyfriend has a good job and makes more money than her. He also doesn't have a mortgage or "responsibilities to pay for," while she has a mortgage, kids and survives on a low income.
"If you were invited to a wedding abroad and you couldn't afford it but your partner could, would you be p***** off if they booked it without you?" she asked.
"One has no money issues, no mortgage, good job. The other has a mortgage, much lower income and responsibilities to pay for. Would you expect the partner to pay for the other one? It's the better-off partner's friend's wedding.
"Guess I am just gutted and with my kids being away (with their own dad) at the same time. It's a rare opportunity with nothing stopping me but finances."
Mumsnet users were divided on whether one partner should pay for the other to attend a wedding, with TwoWrightFeet calling the poster a "gold digger."
"I'm the higher earner and definitely wouldn't pay for [husband] to go to my mate's wedding," commented Brieeeeeeee.
However, other users empathized with the poster, with some suspecting a lack of commitment on her boyfriend's part.
"I think it's a bit off if your [partner] hasn't even considered helping out financially," said IckyPop.
"Is OP [original poster] thinking that she sees a future together and would want to be seen as his partner and he…doesn't seem to see it like that," wondered FinallyHere.
SkyeHeather commented: "What's the plan when you move in together?
"Are you going to pool your finances or is he going to keep going off and having a nice time without you because you can't afford your half?
"I'd be questioning the whole future of this relationship myself."
Newsweek has not been able to verify the details of this story.
Do you have a similar monetary dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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