Dear husband: I’m sorry I micromanage the way you parent

Dear husband,

I know that we both have different parenting styles, and much of the time we are learning as we go. But sometimes, I try to control how you do things—like what you feed our child or the way you play with him.

I get in the habit of wanting you to do things my way—as if it is the only way. It’s not. 

So I would like to say that I am sorry. I am sorry for how I micromanage the way you parent.

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I am sorry that sometimes, I doubt your judgment or question your decisions. You have been hands-on since the moment our son was conceived, from setting up his nursery to holding me up and being a pillar of support as I pushed our child into this world.

So why start questioning you now? Why start treating you as though you’re incapable just because of our difference in parenting styles?

Because you are a faithful and capable father, and I should trust the ways you contribute to raising our child. But instead, I sometimes interfere. I sometimes criticize your parenting style, even though I know you have our son’s best interests in mind. 

You don’t deserve the way I hover over you. Or the way that I feel the need to go behind you in order to assure that you handled things “properly”. 

Related: Husband, don’t forget I am always on your team

You don’t need me to remind you over and over again of how to store my breastmilk or how to make sure his diaper bag is fully packed. You don’t need me to come to your “rescue” when I feel like you don’t have things under control. You don’t need me to list out “dos and don’ts” as if you are just another babysitter that I am leaving my child in the care of.

You are my husband, his father—and you are more than capable of tending to your family.

You are the other half of this parenting equation, the beam on which we both find balance. Without you, the sum would not be whole. 

Our different parenting styles may be contrasting, but they complement each other in ways that create a foundation of fullness for our child. 

Related: My two kids need two different types of parenting—and it took me a while to realize that

Just as I believe there is a lot you can learn from me, I now realize that there is so much I can learn from you.

Like how to not get defeated so easily. Or how to laugh even in the midst of frustration. Or how to make something out of those early mornings when our son wakes up and refuses to fall back to sleep—or those late nights where he won’t go to sleep in the first place. 

You have taught me that there is so much more to life than the need to control everything that is out of my control—and that there is so much more to parenting than just my way.

In doing so, I hinder your ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow as a father and to play a substantial role in this parenting factor.

I am learning that despite my routines and my parenting habits, you have your own. And our child benefits from your way just as much as he benefits from mine. Because he needs both of us. He needs our partnership to be firm and strong. And he needs our love to be unwavering—despite our difference in parenting styles.

Because at the end of the day, there is no doubt that we are both amazing parents. And each day we strive to give him the best versions of ourselves. The versions that aren’t restricted or stifled, but are free to make decisions for how we raise our child.

Related: I couldn’t find a parenting style that defined me—so I gave up and came up with this one

So dear husband, I am sorry for the way I micromanage how you parent. In doing so, I hinder your ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow as a father and to play a substantial role in this parenting factor. I don’t want our different parenting styles to cause a rift in our marriage or our son’s foundation. 

So I am taking a step back and surrendering my need for control. Because you are capable, and you don’t even need me to tell you so. You are an exceptional father who has built a beautiful bond with our child, and therefore you weigh your parenting decisions with not only your mind, but your heart as well. And despite our different parenting styles, I trust you. And I love you.