B1G 2022 // Oh, Hey There Little Brother: A Bit Of Friday Purdue Hate

Look, let’s not get crazy here. As an Indiana writer here for OTE, I actually have some affinity for Purdue. I do not hate Matt Painter. In fact, I quite like him and think he’s done a good job. The engineering programs are top notch and I know several graduates of their various engineering and agricultural programs. They’re all fairly normal, good people. I really don’t want to come on this site and cast stones from my glass house and create a mess in MNW’s lawn. But….

I’M A PEACOCK CAPTAIN. YOU GOTTA LET ME FLY!

Don’t confuse my affinity and respect for admiration. It’s hate day. Here are some reasons I hate Purdue, and so should you. Suck a fat one Pete.

Making Zander Diamont a Legend

Perhaps the stupidest thing Purdue has done recently was make Zander Diamont an Indiana legend. For the unaware, Zander Diamont was an Indiana Hoosier for 3 seasons taking over QB duties in his freshman year after the injury fest in 2014. Zander is a hell of an athlete, but his arm is a wet noodle. The only thing he can really do is run the ball, which he did very successfully might I add. In 2014 after a disappointing year, Diamont started in the Oaken Bucket game and proceed to lead Indiana to a 23-16 victory. That victory was capped off with this legendary photo.

Purdue made a QB who may have been worse than Curtis Painter part of Indiana lore forever. Great job guys. (I love you Zander)

Curtis Painter

This fucking guy. I don’t think I’ve ever despised an athlete more than Curtis Painter. Let’s start with his career at Purdue. Yeah, he sports a 3-1 record in the Old Oaken Bucket, but by god we got him that one year! Mostly though, it was him just torching Hoosier defenses and I cannot forgive him for that.

But it doesn’t stop there! No friends, it does not. After his senior year, this guy got drafted by the Colts in the 6^th round of the NFL draft. The Colts are my team, and all I heard for that summer from my bonehead Purdue cousins was the Painter was the successor to Peyton Manning. I actually began to believe some of the hype.

Low and behold in his rookie season, Painter saw 2 games of action and completed roughly 28.6% of his passes in the 3^rd string role, along with 2 INT, no touchdowns, and a fumble for good measure. That’s not very good. After getting a big fat DNP in 2010, the next season of 2011 was the season Peyton Manning had neck surgery and needed to take the year off, so the Colts were scrambling to find viable options at QB. Apparently their backup QB of Curtis Painter had not shown sufficient skills and the Colts brought in Kerry Collins to start instead. Well Collins got hurt in week 3 and thus the Curtis Painter show commenced. Boy was it spectacularly bad. So bad that in fact after 9 games of replacing Collins with 0 wins, 6 TD, 9 INT, and a 54% completion percentage, Dan Orlovsky (the guy who ran out of the back of the end zone and currently is a maroon on ESPN) was called in to replace Painter. In fact, Painter performed so terribly that he was not retained to back up Number 1 pick Andrew Luck.

So Buff, why do you hate Curtis Painter so much? Well friends, I love the Colts and he’s just so shitty. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHLW9Sqp9lQ

So shitty in fact that to this day, when I receive a bad toss from anyone I remark, “Nice throw Curtis Painter.” Thanks a lot Purdue.

What? No Banners? Oh No!

This seemed rather obvious that it would make an appearance, did it not? What’s not obvious is that since 2000, Indiana and Purdue have the same number of B1G basketball titles and Indiana has 1 more Final Four appearance than Purdue (who has 0). Indiana has also had more players drafted (16) than Purdue has (9) over the same period.

At a 10,000 foot view, the Indiana and Purdue basketball programs seem to be neck and neck. So Buff, why are you mocking and hating on Purdue if Indiana is no better? Well friends, it’s because this is as good as Purdue can do. Seriously. Indiana basketball has been in a perpetual state of turmoil since that unfortunate but earned Knight firing. Since the turn of the century, Indiana is on its 6^th coach (interim included) while Purdue has had 2, both of which have been incredibly stable. You’d think that if Purdue was destined to be this great basketball powerhouse that it would have happened by now? Surly? And with some of the talent that’s crawled through the bowels of Mackey? Underachievement after underachievement. Injury after injury. Upset after Peacock upset. While Indiana struggles to make the round of 64 (the actual tournament) and has no expectations, Purdue can’t seem to perform with the lights on.

Cheer up guys. They make a pill for that now.

Krannert School of Management

As it was told to me, long long ago, the guys who ran the state of Indiana determined that they wanted some state colleges. Through events that I won’t go into (and also don’t know), they landed on the state school of engineering going to Purdue with the state school of business going to Indiana University. Things seemed hunky dory until Purdue wanted a piece of the action and decided to create the abomination known as Krannert School of Management. From my ten minute google search and a brief overview of the Purdue website, I learned that initially the school was created for students to double major in a technical field and then get some business education to boot. That requirement appears to have been dropped.

Well Buff, why is this stupid and worthy of hate? Well dear reader, it’s because some things just shouldn’t mix. Pepsi and Captain Morgan. Fire and Gasoline. Johnny Inept and Amber Turd. Purdue overreached into something they know not of when trying to steal enrollment away from Indiana. It didn’t work though because the Kelly School of Business is still rocking and rolling as the superior business school option in the state of Indiana. You don’t hear people freaking out about not getting into Krannert, do you? No you do not. And thanks to Krannert, Indiana has started the abomination known as the Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering. Great. Just great. Way to go guys.

Purdue Pete

Holy hell. This guy. Last fall, Purdue Pete was nationally ranked the creepiest mascot in college sports, beating out that shitty cat from Penn State. Pete was also ranked 2^nd in the worst overall college mascot category. I don’t claim that a Hoosier makes any sense, and I also don’t want to hide the fact that Indiana had a bison as its mascot for a while in the 80’s. For heaven’s sake though Purdue, have an arts student revamp this guy (you do have an arts program surprisingly). He looks like a character from the Purge series and certainly frightens small children. I hate his dumb face so much.

Hatred From Around the League

Surely Indiana can’t be the only school to hate Purdue, can it?

• Ohio State Buckeyes – Remember that time that Purdue upset you guys in that BLOWOUT loss in 2018? The one that prevented you from participating in the CFP that year? Oh and then your coach left after the season? Perhaps given the final outcome things aren’t so angry, but take it from an Indiana fan, losing to Purdue in football sure does suck.
• Illinois Fightin’ Illini– Apparently you have a trophy game with Purdue too! The Purdue Cannon! I honestly didn’t know this was a thing until I looked it up today. You should totally hate them for this.
• Penn State – I mean, who would have the gull to have an agriculture program and claim to be the superior B1G ag school (totally made that accusation up, but it seems like something Purdue would do)? There can only be one land-grant type school in the B1G and dammit, that title goes to the Michigan Penn State Nittany Lions!
• Northwestern Wildcats– You guys are close in proximity. Surely you guys hate each other?
• Iowa Hawkeyes – The agriculture thing?
• The Michigan twins – Et Tu Brute?
• Bueller?

Man, this is getting difficult. Either I don’t know the Purdue rivalries that reside outside the state, or perhaps Purdue just isn’t an interesting rival to anyone but Indiana. I mean….they don’t do anything of note. Lose in sweet 16s. Occasionally win a mediocre bowl game. Occasionally get trounced by Auburn in a mediocre bowl game. Let’s face it…Purdue is as interesting planting corn….Hey Nebraska!!

Summing Up the Incoherence

I feel I’ve laid out some rather nice hate here. I’m no doubt factually incorrect in spots I grant you, but you try coming up with hate on someone like Purdue. The best hate I have is that, “well, at least I’m not you guys.” And that’s not really hate, it’s a taunt. A good one I grant you. Even better than the “IU sucks” chant. I mean, what other reason is there to hate Purdue though?

The obvious missing piece here and answer to this madness is that they’re simply the “in state,” “in conference” opponent. There can only be one highlander (no, not Floyd Central) in the state of Indiana. That highlander isn’t black and gold. The highlander doesn’t have Mitch Daniels as its president. The highlander isn’t that stupid catholic school either. The highlander is the glorious Crimson and Cream school located in the heart of southern Indiana, aka God’s Country allegedly. The highlander is Indiana university.

No matter what, Purdue will always be little brother. Best to just accept that now.