On behalf of our family, we wish to express our deepest appreciation and gratitude to those involved in responding to our brother’s suicide from the Noyo Bridge on June 7, 2022. We are still reconciling ourselves to the fact that he is gone and the traumatic circumstances in which his death occurred. It is not lost on us that we are not the only ones that feel the trauma, and we hope this letter may provide some comfort to the responders who may also be suffering.
Our brother lived with schizophrenia. With the help of medication, his symptoms were controlled, such that he could work and live similarly to the rest of us- he was smart, college-educated, and enjoyed hobbies such as surfing, skiing, and flyfishing. Even though he did not have much money, he regularly gave to environmental and social service causes. He was sensitive, compassionate, loyal, kind, gentle, and always willing to lend a hand to anyone who asked.
While staying in Fort Bragg temporarily to help our father, we communicated with him regularly, multiple times per week. We last talked to him 48 hours before his death, and there was nothing to indicate that anything was amiss or that he was in crisis. And yet, we will continue to ask ourselves that “terrible disabling question,” as Rabbi Holub put it, “could any of us have done something to prevent his death?” She reminds us that all any of us can do is what we would do for any person with a serious illness- treat the person like the whole person that they are, show up, care, and realize that there is nothing you can do to alter the ultimate trajectory.
We know that our brother would not have wanted to cause any harm to anyone, and he would regret knowing that the people who responded will have to carry the experience of that day. This knowledge has allowed us to begin to let go of some of the trauma- even if just a little bit- knowing that it does not serve the memory of him and his true self. We share this in the hope that it can facilitate the healing process for those who need it.
We are grateful for the Fort Bragg Police Captain who spoke with my brother for 29 minutes before his death; we are grateful for the Redwood Community Services Crisis Worker who was not required to show up but did; we are grateful for the unknown staff from Adventist Hospital, California State Parks, Fort Bragg Fire Department, and the U.S. Coast Guard. Please know that we know that you did all you could to prevent this tragedy. You are all in our hearts, and your efforts will not be forgotten.
We are also grateful for the Mendocino Coast Jewish Community and Rabbi Margaret Holub, who generously receives us in our time of grief three years ago with the passing of our mother, and now with our brother’s death.
We would be remiss if we did not also thank the warm professionalism of David Yeomans and Kris Strickland from Rose Memorial Park and Seth from Chapel of the Sea. Thanks also to the Mendocino County Sheriff’s office, whose immediate response to our questions helped ease our pain in the aftermath.
We want to end this letter with a big thank you to all of you in Fort Bragg – those we know and those we don’t – and remind you of the beauty and warmth in this community. While in Fort Bragg making arrangements and caring for my dad, my sister and I were continually surprised by the support and ease of doing business in town, making it easier to address the practical matters of attending to our brother’s death. In every community encounter during our recent stay here, we were greeted with warmth and kindness – the postal clerk, the FedEx proprietor, Safeway checkers, the Adventist Health physician, Andersson Home Health, and others, including a bittersweet encounter with someone at the car wash of all places. In return for his generosity, he only asked that we appreciate this small-town community’s goodness. And this letter, in part, is to communicate that appreciation. It is so humbling to be embraced by a community that we have not been part of for over 30 years, and we are uplifted by it. Thank you.
— Melinda Posner and Sonia Wolfman, Olympia, WA
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