BREAKING: Tottenham Hotspur beat Arsenal and then finished in the top four above them

Breaking news this afternoon out of North London for those unaware. In what could be a series of transformational events for the future of the club, Tottenham Hotspur defeated Arsenal 3-0 at home, went unbeaten in its last six games, and finished the 2021-22 Premier League season in fourth place, qualifying for its first Champions League in three seasons.

Because of the way Tottenham finished the season, coupled with Arsenal losing 2-0 at Newcastle in the penultimate match of the season, Spurs finished ahead of Arsenal for the sixth straight year and resigning the Gunners to the Europa League. Spurs fans were very happy and sang “Arsenal get battered / Everywhere they go” on the concourses. Unconfirmed reports suggested that every Gunner is actually a runner.

Tottenham now have the wind at their back and will be competing at the highest levels of European club competition under a world-class manager, and have recently received a public declaration from club ownership promising a major financial investment directed towards the acquisition of players this summer. This all happened because Tottenham beat Arsenal 3-0 and finished in the top four ahead of them.

It’s pretty sweet.