6 Pieces of Advice That Annoy Women

I'll preface the contents of this post by saying that the title is more black and white than I really mean. With more nuance, the title should be that these pieces of life advice can/sometimes annoy some women, and of course, these proclamations annoy some men too. But, that's too much for a title!

Also, it's worth noting that women sometimes have trouble allowing themselves to feel anger. Because anger isn't a socially acceptable emotion for women, their anger sometimes gets transposed into other emotions like anxiety, guilt, self-doubt, demoralization, or exhaustion. It can be healthier to acknowledge your anger too, rather than sit in anxiety.

1. Eliminate or outsource the "unimportant" stuff.

The problem here is that what's designated as unimportant is typically work that women disproportionately do, like meal preparation or housework.

If you value something, if you've got strengths and skills in a particular area, or it's simply your responsibility, then it can feel dismissive when it's repeatedly cast as unimportant work.

2. Go on a low news diet.

This advice can be hurtful and infuriating because it tends to assume the person is insulated from news directly impacting their life. If news and politics don't directly impact your life, then you probably have a lot of privilege. And who's more likely to be in that position? Men.

Community involvement is often important to people, and their labor is needed to fight for and against things happening in their communities. Not everyone is insulated from this, or simply doesn't care that much.

3. The world isn't like that, it's like this.

Especially with advice related to work or self-regulation (e.g., habit formation), the advice is sometimes presented in pithy but very black and white ways. Most of the top influencers in these spaces are white men, and what they say (and the way they say it) can come across as mansplaining, even when they make good points.

4. Don't sweat making mistakes.

Research shows that when women make mistakes, those mistakes are counted against them more harshly and for longer than when men make mistakes.

A lot of common advice about how to succeed and be productive seems to apply at least slightly differently to men and women (and probably more generally to those with more vs. less privilege).

I discuss this more in Stress-Free Productivity, but some other examples are networking and negotiation. Negotiating can backfire for women, and networking can be more valuable for men because men tend to get more help from their networks than women do.

5. You need to be 100% consistent in your habits.

I have a well-established deep work habit. However, I'm not 100% consistent with it? Why? Due to lack of self-discipline? Nope. Sometimes my other values and prioritizes usurp it. For example, Mondays are almost always a big writing day for me. Yesterday (a Monday), my 6-year-old was feeling sad (due to her other parent being overseas for a few months). So, I blew off my writing habit to attend to her emotional needs. I ended up cleaning her playroom instead. It was productive, but we'd still be hanging out together rather than me having my face glued to my computer for hours. Yes, it worked for helping her feel better, and no, I have no regrets or guilt about not maintaining a habit streak.

When other people depend on you for their emotional needs, your habits won't likely be 100% consistent. And, yes, you can still succeed and be a well-regulated person, even if they're not.

6. Do more self-care.

Advice to do more self-care can feel patronizing (definition: apparently kind or helpful but betraying a feeling of superiority; condescending.). It can make people's real struggles feel invisible or self-made. You might think, "No, I don't need a bubble bath or a therapy session. I need to be able to find a daycare that has openings before 2024."

Wrapping Up

Are you infuriated by this type of life advice? Does it make you feel anxious, demoralized, or exhausted? Have you ever wondered if your inability to implement common advice means something is wrong with you? Instead, when life advice doesn't sit well with you, don't automatically assume it's because you lack ambition, grit, focus, or discipline. Consider the broader context.

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