Be Kind to Your Mind: Come Into the Present Moment

Kindness is of utmost importance. Hence our name, humanKIND. Without kindness, we wouldn’t survive. Think how vulnerable newborn babies are and how utterly dependent they are for So Long.

Often I talk about kindness to others, but first I would like to talk about self-kindness. Some like to call it self-love. No matter what label you use, it is Your job to care for yourself. As adults, we are each in charge of our own life. While it is often tempting to blame others for our condition, it is far more empowering to step into the role of taking responsibility for ourselves.

It is hard to truly come into the present moment and know how to optimize our lives. Many people (Buddhists in particular) spend their whole lifetimes trying to arrive here, right now. Most of us are living in stories that were created in our heads years or decades earlier. We all have a family of origin and that is where the stories come from. We were innocent and unaware, the adults cared for us, taught us about life, and created patterns for us.

As adults, we can choose to exit these stories and create our own. A word of caution: it takes work. The brain loves old patterns, as they require less energy. The brain is a very energy-intensive organ and it evolved in times of scarcity. Anything that saves the brain work or energy will be our default go-to. Try brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, and you will see how much your brain prefers old patterns and will resist change.

The other common pothole next to living in the past is living in the future. For most people, this means worrying and can progress to an anxiety disorder. Planning for the future is indeed good for the mind, as it gives us something to look forward to and something to work towards.

But let’s be frank, most of us spend far more time worrying than planning. Again, let’s look to our ancestors to understand why. Life was hard for our hunter-gatherer relatives. Danger lurked everywhere and our defenses were much lower. Remember the old joke, how fast do you have to run to get away from a lion? Just faster than the guy next to you. Any competitive edge, like spotting danger, quickly increased your chances of survival. We are all descendants of them and hence are wired to look for danger wherever we go. When we spot it, we are compelled to look, as the news stations are well aware. They take advantage of our innate wiring to keep us glued to the news. The good news is nice, but as the saying goes, “If it bleeds, it leads.”

What does all this teach us about being kind to your mind?

It says that we need to work on coming into the present moment. As Eckard Tolle in The Power of Now recommends, ask yourself: “Am I safe Right Now?” If so, “Are those most important to me safe right now?” If the answer is yes to both, then come into the present moment and really become aware of what is happening inside and outside of you. This is Reality. The rest is in your mind, and you can try to gain more control over it. Don’t live in a past that no longer serves you, and don’t project anxiety into an unknown future. You are only hurting yourself by continuing these patterns. Our power to change lies in the Now.

I like to practice a simple technique of Present Moment Awareness (PMA) by tuning into each sense one at a time:

• Sit comfortably and begin by putting all your attention on what you see for a few minutes. Look at one object in front of you with depth and clarity. Look as if you are an explorer seeing something for the first time. Notice things you never noticed before.
• Then close your eyes and put all your attention on hearing. Listen for all the sounds that are around you. You will probably be surprised how many different sounds you can experience when you try.
• After one to two minutes open your eyes and put all your attention on your body. What do you feel right now? The clothes on your body? Your feet on the floor? Maybe growling in your stomach. Spend a few minutes really tuning into your body and all its sensations.
• You can then choose to focus on smell and pick up nearby objects one by one. It is remarkable how many different smells surround us.
• If the time is right, you can focus now on your sense of taste. Try to tune out the other senses and just pay attention to each bite of food. Notice your mouth salivating, notice it going down your throat. Does it taste different as it passes from your lips to your tongue to your throat?

All of this sensory data make up our present moment, but much of the time we are lost in our thoughts and miss the vast majority of them. Regrets and resentments from the past and concerns about the future rob us of the right now.

Tip one for being kind to your mind: Come Into the Present Moment.