Internet Backs Mom Raging In-Law Won't Use Her Correct Name: 'Insulting'

A mom is furious at her mother-in-law, who refuses to use her correct name, saying it's now becoming "insulting."

The mom vented her frustration to Mumsnet under username namechangedasouting, explaining she's been married for more than five years, but kept her maiden name.

She said: "I kept my name, children are double barrelled. MIL [mother-in-law] (divorced from FIL but has kept her married name) has always found it personally insulting that I wanted to keep my name."

Despite her, and her children's, legal names differing from her husband, it seems the older woman has never accepted the difference.

The mom continued: "All cards etc. Are addressed to "Mrs DH surname" and for the kids the same. I've really tried to just let it go—she knows these aren't our names so correcting her over and over seems pointless."

But she had started taking things further, as she continued: "She's now started 'correcting' DH's other family members who send the kids cards addressed correctly.

"Her latest comment to DH's aunt (whilst we were there) was 'they are "DH surname" through and through, why pretend otherwise?'"

Lots of Responses

She asked if she was out of line to find her in-law's behavior "unreasonable," with her post, which can be read here, amassing nearly 250 responses since being uploaded on Sunday.

Numerous people sided with the mom, as they shared various ways on how to deal with her actions.

Jedsnewstar advised saying: "'MIL you are incorrect their names are/my name is....'Each and every time. Be firm with her."

Bobbins36 thought: "She's being rude, I'd tell her exactly that, and correct her every single time. Frankly I'd be telling your DH to have a bloody word with his mother too."

Pickabearanybear reckoned: "I'd start sending stuff back "not at this address". I would correct her every single time saying it he kids know their names and they will start finding it hurtful soon."

LadyCampanulaTottington said: "Repeat it every single time and ask 'are you not able to understand what I am saying? Do you need your hearing checked? Time for a dementia assessment?' Ad nauseum."

PurassicJark wrote: "I'd start calling her by her maiden name and when she corrects you, say but you aren't married anymore, you are supposed to go back to your previous name. Just wind her up, gives you a laugh."

The chart below, provided by Statista, shows the ages when adult U.K. milestones are reached.

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While Krakenchorus added: "I binned all incorrectly addressed cards and let them know it. After a few gift certificates / tenners got binned, they caught on that respecting my decisions matters, even if they disagree. Took 2 years, but they learned my name. They didn't try it on with the dc."

In the U.K., where the couple are thought to be based, women's names don't automatically change after marriage, according to the Deed Poll Office, which specializes in name changes.

Women who want to take on their partner's name, but use their maiden name professionally, often double-barrel their name. You can apply for a change of name via deed poll.

There appears to be a trend in women retaining their maiden names. Data from The Deed Poll Office, quoted by The Independent last month, revealed requests from newlyweds to keep their original name, alongside their spouse's, rose 30 per cent between 2020 and 2021.