Loretta Weinberg: Make friends, care deeply and don’t repeat Chris Christie’s mistake | A 2022 commencement essay

Loretta Weinberg, the former state Senate majority leader, says as graduates pursue a career and financial security, they shouldn't lose sight of the people in their corner because it is from them that they will find their meaning and strength.
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Part of a series of graduation essays from notable New Jerseyans.

By Loretta Weinberg

I’ll start by saying, this is personal to me. I have a granddaughter graduating high school in June and my advice to our New Jersey graduates is the same advice I give to her:

First: Breathe, your next decision is not your final one.

Second: Follow your passion and focus like hell on it.

Third: Nurture your friends.

Fourth: Lean into humor, even when things don’t work out.

I guarantee you, what you choose to do next will not be what you are doing 50 years from now. There may be remnants that stay with you, but you will evolve, your interests will evolve, your family will evolve and your field will evolve. So try not to sweat it, be ok with that uncertainty — this is only the beginning.

And because none of us know what the future brings, there is no substitute for caring, deeply and emotionally, about what you are doing in the moment. This may sound like platitudes to some, but the best you can do is follow those things that bring you joy and fill your belly with fire.

At the same time nurture and invest in your friendships. Our relationships are what give meaning to our lives, so I urge you to invest in those friends who nurture you back. Just like your career, your social circle will evolve and that is OK. But in your pursuit of a career and financial security, don’t lose sight of the people in your corner because it is from them that you will find your meaning and your strength.

When I announced my retirement from the State Senate in January of 2021, I gathered together the people — at least those still breathing — who was in my corner and I led my remarks with this:

I want to highlight the people and organizations in my life who have helped get me to this point. This journey, longer I think than I ever could have imagined, has not been a solitary one and the people with me today, and indeed countless others not here, are the men and women who have made my successes possible and my failures bearable.

They have taught me, reasoned with me, fought beside me, supported me and inspired me at every step of the way.

The point being, you can’t do it alone and you shouldn’t try to. There is no amount of money that can substitute for a good friend. You are going to have difficult days, but it’s your friends, your relationships and a healthy amount of self-deprecating humor that are going to get you through them.

And since we’re on the subject, I always thought Gov. Chris Christie’s inability to laugh at himself was one of his biggest weaknesses. That’s why I told his security detail back in 2016 that it was safe for him to say “hi” to me on the train we were both traveling on from Washington, D.C. There was nothing, really, to fear and if he could have laughed at himself, taken a step back and lightened the hell up, he probably would have known that. Although, if he was able to pull back, laugh a little and not take life too seriously, he probably wouldn’t have been tied to the closing of two toll lanes on the George Washington Bridge for five days back in 2013 and doomed any attempt at a presidential run. But hey, you live and you learn.

My advice then is to embrace the fun and funniness of life, even if it is at your own expense. It’s true, it’s a big world out there, but it’s also true that nobody has the answers, that we have a finite amount of time on this planet and the more things you can enjoy, the more things you can laugh at, the happier you will be.

Choose your passion and go for it. Invest in your friends, family and your relationships. Accept that things won’t go as planned and when life inevitably brings you lemons, use humor to turn them into lemonade.

I hope I didn’t bore anyone down South with too many awful “good life,” “opportunity seizing” platitudes, but you are young, you’ve got a long life ahead of you and I hope you can find something that makes you come alive — the mean internet is not really your biggest adversary.

Loretta Weinberg is the former state Senate majority leader.

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