Seth Meyers
Late-night hosts responded to a shocking if not surprising admission from Donald Trump this weekend, with a Sunday night statement that said the quiet part out loud: that Vice-President Mike Pence could have overturned the election.
“One thing you can always count on with Trump is that eventually he’ll tire himself out and just confess,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night. “He can’t help it. He just blurts it out. He did it with collusion, he did it with Ukraine, and that’s exactly what he did over the weekend with a statement in which he admitted he wanted his vice-president, Mike Pence, to overturn the election.”
In the statement, Trump claimed “fraud and many other irregularities” in the 2020 election (no such fraud has been found) and asked: “How come the Democrats and … Republicans, like Wacky Susan Collins, are desperately trying to pass legislation that will not allow the vice-president to change the results of the election?
“Actually, what they are saying, is that Mike Pence did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. He could have overturned the election!”
“There’s no crime Trump could commit that he wouldn’t later confess to,” said Meyers. “He’d just exhaust all the excuses until he says, screw it, I’m guilty, baby! If it had been him instead of OJ, the quote would’ve been: ‘The gloves don’t fit, but you don’t need gloves to stab a guy.’”
Trump also promised at a rally in Texas on Saturday to pardon those charged with seditious conspiracy for their role in the 6 January attack on the Capitol. “At some point you just have to admit this is a pro-insurrection movement,” Meyers argued. “If you’re at a party, and someone starts doing cocaine and someone else says, ‘hey, can I get some of that cocaine?’ and then someone else says, ‘hey, I went to the bank on the way here to get new hundred dollar bills to snort that cocaine with,’ you might turn to your spouse and say, ‘I think we’re at a cocaine party.’”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert acknowledged the retirement of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady after 22 seasons and seven Super Bowl titles. “So bad news for your dad: there’s a new retiree about to dominate the pickleball league,” Colbert joked.
The 44-year-old QB accomplished more than any other quarterback in the history of the NFL, even though he was drafted 199th overall. “Which just goes to show you that anyone can be successful as long as you’re one of the most gifted and attractive people in human history,” Colbert noted.
“Now that Brady appears to be hanging up the old football skates, the world may finally see what we’ve all longed for: Dad Bod Brady,” he added. “Do it! Give us hope, Tom!”
In other news, “while the January 6 select committee continues to look for the cause of the Capitol riot, the cause admitted to everything and threatened to do it again,” Colbert said, referencing Trump’s rally in Texas this weekend, in which pledged to “treat those people from January 6 fairly” and promised pardons.
“Well, as long as you’re doling out pardons, fuck you,” Colbert retorted.
Trevor Noah
Trump’s followers will seemingly do anything for him. Now he’s making a bold offer to return the favor. pic.twitter.com/Kpm1AxbGzZ
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) February 1, 2022
Donald Trump is “basically the ex that America kicked out for throwing an open-house party at the Capitol”, said Trevor Noah on The Daily Show. “And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse.”
Noah played clips from Trump’s weekend rally, in which he continued to spread his myths about the “stolen” 2020 election and promised to pardon those who led the 6 January attack on the Capitol.
“When you think about it, it’s really smart what he’s saying,” said Noah. “Because he could’ve pardoned all of his people when January 6 happened. You realize that, right? He was the president. But he didn’t pardon them. He let them get prosecuted, and now they’re all going to jail. He let this happen! But now that his ass is on the line, now he’s like ‘man, if I was president, I’d have never let this happen to you.’
“Trump leans on his supporters really hard,” he continued. “I mean, first they had to storm the Capitol because he lost the election. Then their donations went to his legal fees, because he’s always getting sued. Now they have to protest if he gets charged? Where does it end? If Trump does go to prison, is he going to make these poor people smuggle cigarettes up their butt?”