Why Gain Requires Loss

People who self-sabotage may be repeating patterns and habits that were learned and conditioned earlier in life and have become automatic. Trauma, self-esteem, and self-worth affect the probability of self-sabotage in work and relationships. There are both conscious and unconscious patterns of self-sabotage. While it may surprise many of us,...

Happy couples experience positive and negative interactions during a conflict in a 5-to-1 ratio (5 positive for every 1 negative). The concept of negative sentiment override suggests that feeling negative emotions can cloud one's ability to see things clearly. According to the Stimulus-Value-Role theory, what someone finds important in a...

People typically use one of two systems when they think and make choices. System 1 is a fast decision approach that relies on intuition, while System 2 is a slow decision approach that relies on conscious deliberation. System 1 thinking leaves you vulnerable to bias, but System 2 thinking comes...

The “repetition compulsion” is a basic concept in all psychotherapies. Freud believed the repetition compulsion was a reflection of the death instinct—an unconscious drive toward self-destruction. The repetition compulsion is acted out through processes such as displacement and projection. The “repetition compulsion” is a basic concept in...

According to research from the National Institute of Health, “Emotional distress is a state of mental anguish that can take a wide variety of forms. It may result from a mental health issue or particular circumstances, such as relationship difficulties or financial strain.”. When you have an issue going...

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) affects approximately 5% of the population. While social media has been blamed for an increase in narcissistic tendencies, these aren’t indicative of an NPD diagnosis. Narcissists can inflict great emotional and psychological harm on their partners, parents, and children. As social media has made all...

In the aftermath of an affair, only the couple can decide if their marriage can survive. An apology without excuses and a process of forgiveness are crucial to rebuilding a marriage. Mutual reconsideration of the reason for the affair is considered the most difficult and crucial step. Too often we...

Successful co-parenting can benefit children’s academic performance, relationships, and emotional health. Co-parents should be open to listening and compromising, and they should aim for as much consistency as possible between the two homes. Co-parents should avoid speaking negatively of the other parent or letting their child become a spy...

Couples tend to make small sacrifices on a daily basis, even without necessarily being aware that they are. When one partner's relocation requires a large-scale sacrifice from the partner, the situation can put the relationship to the test. Based on new research, couples can survive these major sacrifices by understanding...

The number of adults who do not have kids, and do not think they will ever have kids, is growing. Why is this happening? How do these adults feel about the prospect of never having kids? Decades of survey data offer some answers. Will You Ever Have Kids? The Men...

People who suffer unfair treatment from others can carry their inner wounds for years, even for the rest of their life. Case studies and empirical studies confirm that anger, depression, and lost hope can accompany the unjustly treated person. Scientific studies show that forgiveness therapy can lead to emotional healing...

While under the influence you’ll probably act differently, but that doesn’t mean your drinking reveals—or can reveal—who you really are. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, leading you to act more impulsively and care much less about how others might adversely regard your behavior. The dangers of excessive...

Focused attention and open awareness practices are two important subcategories of mindfulness. Focused attention practices help us hone skills of concentration and cognitive control. Open awareness practices help us develop equanimity with the ups and downs of life. Mindfulness is commonly referenced but frequently misunderstood. It is often discussed as...

Engage in activities that make you feel good every day. This can be different for each of us and for every day, but generally speaking, our brains feel good with novelty, gratitude, humor, love, kindness, and connection. Novelty Triggers. We can trigger novelty with something simple, like driving a new...

Often, the repetitive nature of an event makes us give up on holding onto any semblance of endurance. It is hardest to maintain patience when beset by constant challenges. A useful strategy is to step back from the situation that makes you impatient and see what you can redeem from it.

Analyzing archetypal images can be fun and psychologically instructive. The experience of engaging deeply with stories can help us release our fears. Deborah Harkness' "All Souls" trilogy takes a stand against prejudice through its use of the lover, warrior, and sage archetypes. I love to track what is going on...

Kindness is of utmost importance. Hence our name, humanKIND. Without kindness, we wouldn’t survive. Think how vulnerable newborn babies are and how utterly dependent they are for So Long. Often I talk about kindness to others, but first I would like to talk about self-kindness. Some like to call...

Part II or III: Being kind to your mind means coming to the present moment. Here are additional tips to get there. Move. Yoga, meditation, walking in nature, singing, dancing, and prayer are all powerful ways of coming into the now. What works for you may not work for others; make this part of your routine.

Turning away from the news is not only okay, but necessary. Give your brain and body a break when you can. It's okay to celebrate small wins in your day today. Two days ago I was 10 miles into a 15 mile bike ride, slogging my way up a hill, when my Apple watch alerted me to breaking news. I glanced down to see “Elementary School Shooting in Texas” and I briefly closed my eyes.

When you wake up with a chest full of anxiety, it does not bode well for the rest of the day. But there are a multitude of ways to help relieve your anxiety and maybe even put it away for good. Many of these techniques were developed at the UCLA Pain Control Center and shared by its founder David Bresler, Ph.D., whom I was fortunate enough to be mentored and trained by.