We gather here today, in a mythical place that's some combination of Hooters, Baskin Robbins, and AutoZone, to do one thing and one thing only: discuss Kid Rock's new political anthem, "We The People." I, unfortunately, have a long history with Kid Rock. My dad loves the guy. One time, at Christmas, we got drunk together and he convinced me that we should sing "Bawtidaba" on Facebook live. (I will not be providing footage here.) I'm also quite fond of his performance in Joe Dirt. But in recent years, as I have with most men who wear fedoras, Kid Rock and I have fallen on opposite sides of the political line. To put it in Kid Rock terms, I've put his picture away.

But this week, Kid Rock released a new song called "We The People," which is a well-known decree of unity told through a different lens. And by decree, I mean it's a list of things that Kid Rock is done with. By lens, I mean those sunglasses that kind of look like transition lenses that stopped transitioning halfway down because it's important to be able to see through the bottom of the glasses, but the top of the glasses are shaded because that's where the sun is at. I haven't listened to Kid Rock in years, missing out on his newest singles like "Don't Tell Me How to Live" and "Ala-Fucking-Bama," but I decided to check this one out, and wow. The guy still... well, he's still singing!

I have decided to share my experience in the form of 20 important questions that crossed my mind while listening to "We The People." I have included the lyrics so you may follow along.

We the people in all we do
Reserve the right to scream "Fuck you"
"Wear your mask, take your pills"
Now a whole generation's mentally ill
Man, fuck Fauci

But COVID's near, it's coming to town
We gotta act quick, shut our borders down
Joe Biden does, the media embraces
Big Don does it and they call him racist

We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people

Fuck Facebook, fuck Twitter too
And the mainstream media, fuck you too, too, too
Yeah, you
We the people
We the people

Inflation's up, like the minimum wage
So it's all the same, it ain't a damn thing changed
You piece of shit, I don't see color
"Black lives matter," no shit motherfucker

But we gotta keep fighting for the right to be free
And every human being doesn't have to agree
We all bleed red, brother, listen to me
It's time for love and unity

We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people

Fuck CNN, fuck TMZ
And you social media trolls, y'all can suck on deez
Deez nuts, that's what's up
We the people

If you down with love and wanna make things better
All we gotta do is just come together
Weather the storm and take my hand
Then follow my lead to the promised land
'Cause we the people, we gotta unite
To follow that good time guiding light
Climb aboard this love boat
And rock that bitch up and down the coast

In order to form a more perfect union
Do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America

We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people (Let's go Brandon)
We the people

Standing up and standing tall
'Cause it's all for one and it's one for all
All, all, all, we the people, we the people

Let's go Brandon
Let's go Brandon
Let's go Brandon
Let's go Brandon
  1. Has Kid Rock used the same female vocalist all these years to intermittently go "hey, yeah!" in the middle of his songs?
  2. Alternatively, is that just the same "hey yeah!" but used over and over again?
  3. When he says "wear your mask, take your pills, now a whole generation's mentally ill," does he believe that masks turned a whole generation mentally ill?
  4. What are the pills being discussed here? Are there extra?
  5. Can anyone tell me, specifically, what Dr. Anthony Fauci has done to be name dropped and defamed in this track?
  6. Would someone compile Kid Rock a list of, I don't know, just a few dozen times that Donald Trump was super racist so we can put that 'is he racist' question to bed?
  7. How does Brandon Brown, the NASCAR driver who helped birth "let's go Brandon" feel about all this? (Fact check: He's cool with it.)
  8. Do Kid Rock and I have similar stances on how bad Facebook and Twitter are?
  9. Can we, again, get specific with criticism of the mainstream media? Let's start using our words. (And by words, I don't mean "fuck CNN.")
  10. How long has it been since you heard a mid-song record scratch?
  11. Is Kid Rock offering cogent criticism of the minimum wage and the government's inability to make it congruent with inflation?
  12. Does Kid Rock endorse Black Lives Matter?
  13. Ok, in fairness, can we all agree that sometimes TMZ can be pretty gross?
  14. Are Kid Rock and I actually relatively similar, aside from his hatred of the media and insistence on chanting "Let's go Brandon" fourteen times in one song?
  15. Non-question follow up: The answer is "no" because this 51-year-old man just sang "Suck on deez. Deez nuts!"
  16. Would you ever "follow Kid Rock's lead to the promised land?" Should you ever "follow Kid Rock's lead to the promised land?"
  17. How many times has Kid Rock used the lyric "rock that bitch up and down the coast?"
  18. What does it mean to "rock a bitch up and down the coast?"
  19. Who should be held responsible for the interlude where a voiceover gives the SparksNotes treatment to the Preamble of the U.S. constitution?
  20. For a song about unity and good will, is the constant chanting of "Let's go Brandon" really necessary?