Beating the Bad Habit of Blaming Others

People typically use one of two systems when they think and make choices. System 1 is a fast decision approach that relies on intuition, while System 2 is a slow decision approach that relies on conscious deliberation. System 1 thinking leaves you vulnerable to bias, but System 2 thinking comes...

The Window of Tolerance is a helpful and important nervous system regulation concept. Everyone's Window of Tolerance looks a little different depending on their personality, background, and a host of other factors. Increasing the Window of Tolerance is often a critical task for relational trauma survivors. What is the “Window...

People who self-sabotage may be repeating patterns and habits that were learned and conditioned earlier in life and have become automatic. Trauma, self-esteem, and self-worth affect the probability of self-sabotage in work and relationships. There are both conscious and unconscious patterns of self-sabotage. While it may surprise many of us,...

Positive psychology emphasizes happiness, well-being, and the strengths we have. The practice of positive psychology can improve our sense of self-worth through a development of optimism toward life. This review demonstrates that positive psychology can lead to increased motivation, happiness, and enhanced relationships. This post was written by Eric M....

The “repetition compulsion” is a basic concept in all psychotherapies. Freud believed the repetition compulsion was a reflection of the death instinct—an unconscious drive toward self-destruction. The repetition compulsion is acted out through processes such as displacement and projection. The “repetition compulsion” is a basic concept in...

WHEN a young mom shared the rules she has in place for her toddler son, she expected backlash – especially because she doesn't allow others to give her child sugar and won't force him to share. Thousands of people weighed in on the mom's parenting choices, with some labeling...

**This blog post is based on my thinking and my opinion. Every day, it seems, we encounter another story of the latest couple in a long-term relationship that's coming to an end. While these breakups might be sudden and unexpected, they usually follow a specific pattern. These are six things that kill a relationship every time.

There is no timeline for how long grief lasts, but you may start feeling better as you move through the grieving process. Grief is a natural response to losing a loved one, valued relationship, or career opportunity. Grief can come with a variety of emotions, such as feelings of sadness or loneliness.

Death ends the boundary of a life, but it does not end a relationship. Along with loss, our identity no longer exists in relation to a familiar being, but our continued bonds may keep them with us. Keeping deceased loved ones with us, in whatever way, resolves the painful discrepancy...

Entitlement is the key trait that drives narcissistic behaviors. When narcissists are thwarted, the antagonistic response is driven by the desire to get what they feel is theirs. Both vulnerable and grandiose narcissists become activated and antagonistic, but they express it in different ways. There are a few basic strategies...

"This is very concerning," wrote one commenter. "It's so much bigger than mac and cheese."

Frustration is a natural part of any intimate relationship; grudge-dumping isn't. Pent-up frustration can lead to temper tantrums, explosive arguments, and words designed to produce maximum hurt. Healthy ways to process frustration in a relationship include speaking up early, writing a letter, and seeking a mediator. Frustration is unavoidable in...

**This blog post is based on my thinking and my opinion. Self-sabotage behavior is a common problem for many people. It can lead to sadness, anger, and other undesirable consequences. If you're struggling with self-sabotage, it's essential to recognize what behaviors might be sabotaging your life and take steps to change them before anything terrible happens. Sometimes these behaviors are hidden in plain sight and easy to overlook or deny as part of yourself — so paying attention to them can be difficult at first. Here are some self-sabotage behaviors to look out for in yourself:

In every relationship, there are consequences for each action. These consequences may be negative, resulting in a loss of trust, or positive, resulting in enhanced feelings of love. The effects may be large and immediate or imperceptible and graduated. These results stem from the choices we make. We all make choices. How we choose to respond to our “fears and anxieties about relationships” directly results in how good or poor they are (Beverley, 2004/2008). That’s where the bank of civility comes into play.

Focused attention and open awareness practices are two important subcategories of mindfulness. Focused attention practices help us hone skills of concentration and cognitive control. Open awareness practices help us develop equanimity with the ups and downs of life. Mindfulness is commonly referenced but frequently misunderstood. It is often discussed as...

While under the influence you’ll probably act differently, but that doesn’t mean your drinking reveals—or can reveal—who you really are. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, leading you to act more impulsively and care much less about how others might adversely regard your behavior. The dangers of excessive...

Going on a "low news diet" is easier for those with greater privilege (often men), whose lives aren't as impacted by certain events. Advice to "negotiate" can sometimes backfire for women. Telling women to engage in "more self-care" can make their real struggles feel invisible or self-made. I'll preface the...

The word "hate" conveys meanings with different emotions and varying emotional intensities. It is firmly rooted in shame, fear, and humiliation. "Splitting" is often the major defense associated with hate and involves idealization and demonization. Strategies to move past hate include identifying positive aspects of an individual and clarifying your...

Emotional validation is the core of a healthy relationship. Dismissing the feelings of others can cause them to feel invisible and unimportant. When your partner denies your feelings, listen to your inner wisdom and trust it. Understand and accept that your feelings matter. Your most fundamental relationship in life is...

Couples tend to make small sacrifices on a daily basis, even without necessarily being aware that they are. When one partner's relocation requires a large-scale sacrifice from the partner, the situation can put the relationship to the test. Based on new research, couples can survive these major sacrifices by understanding...