Shedding Light

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Slow to speak, quick to listen

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  • Kylie Garcia
    Kylie Garcia
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On Friday, January 7, 2022, it was my late great-grandfather’s, Billy McElroy, birthday. He would have been 92 years old. Many who have lost loved ones understand the intensity of emotions and memories that flood in on days such as birthdays, holidays, or other days significant to them. On Friday, I thought a lot about all the sayings my grandpa had. Being from Texas, he had a number of unique sayings that he shared with others frequently. I happened to find that one of those sayings would make a good topic for a column, so here it is. Something my Grandpa Bill always used to say was, “You learn more with your mouth shut than your mouth open.” A little blunt? Sure, but true, nonetheless. Here is also an insightful verse to consider: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19) This is a principle that I’m sure we could all benefit from. We’ve all struggled with facing the consequences of what comes out of our mouths from time to time. I can say with confidence, based on my own observations in recent times, that there are a lot of us who have made it a habit of being quick to speak and slow to listen. This can create a host of issues, such as confusion, m i s c o m m u n i c a t i o n , tension, and a lack of resolution.

It makes it ten times more difficult to have productive conversations when one party or neither party is listening to the other.

Whether it be in business, politics, families, or life in general, when a person thinks they know everything is when they have done themselves a disservice. No matter how much of an expert someone is, there is always more to learn. Now, I don’t think that my grandpa’s saying, nor James 1:19, means that we should never speak up. In fact, in Ecclesiastes 3, it says there is “a time to be quiet and a time to speak.”

Learning can certainly be done through speaking, conversing, and asking questions. But we also have to use our wisdom to recognize the time to be quiet, to listen, and to hear the answers to our questions. This is a balance that many of us have a hard time finding. Some people speak too little – meaning they have a hard time standing up for themselves and are often subject to being a doormat to the voices and opinions of others. Some go to the opposite extreme and speak too much – never listening to others and thinking that what they have to say is of the utmost importance and value.

Extremes are never a good thing, but especially when it comes to these two. The more we consciously make an effort to strike a balance between listening and speaking, the greater possibilities we open ourselves up to — to learn and to grow into better problem-solvers and communicators. I think the reason that sayings like my grandpa’s and various Bible verses emphasize being slow to speak is because, although it is hard for people who don’t speak much to gain the skills and courage they need to find their voice, it is often more difficult for those who are confident in their voice and what they have to say to not say anything when they really want to. Learning to bite one’s tongue when necessary is probably one of the hardest acts of self-control a person can practice.

If you’ve read all of this and you feel a little guilty because you think this principle applies to you, don’t be. Like I said, self-control in regard to our mouths is probably one of the hardest skills to master. It is a skill that I think is well-worth our time though. Learning to speak with wisdom, listening more, and taming the wildfire that is our tongue at times is an empowering thing. To know we control what we say, and not the opposite. To know we listened to others and learned as much as we could while doing it. To know that the next time we do speak on certain issues or topics, we will be even more informed and prepared because we absorbed the insights of others. These are things to be proud of, and the more we work on this as individuals, the better off our lives, families, schools, workplaces, and communities will be. God bless, Cibola!