This is Songwriters & Tour Riders, a music podcast from KOSU and Oklahoma State University and hosted by Matthew Viriyapah.
Max Rainer is from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and is the singer for Wilderado.
Their self-titled debut album was largely written in an old church that was being sold at auction. After a couple of years struggling with writing, Rainer wrote songs there dealing with his struggles balancing being a father and a touring musician.
Listen above to hear Max talk about writing in a church by himself, his fear of being an absent dad, and how he put those feelings into song.
I'd be hard pressed what else in my life I've just set out to do and done that's been more gratifying than this recordMax Rainer
On writing in an empty church
I think it was a schoolhouse to start off. There was like a little plaque on the side like 1938-something schoolhouse. There's been a couple of different congregations that have worked there. There was a non-profit that worked in there for a little bit. And then somebody started to renovate it and stopped, and that's when we went in.
It was like a bunch of exposed insulation, which was really rad for absorbing sound. The stone kept sound from leaving or coming in, so it was a pretty good rehearsing, writing, demoing den.
It was really special. I'll always be grateful for getting to do that. And there was a like a certain energy in there too.
It was just kind of an exciting energy to tell you the truth. Every time I walked in there, it was always like, 'I shouldn't be here.'Max Rainer
Most of the time I was going in there with just headphones or blasting the tracks out through some big monitors and just kind of walking around singing, trying to find the melodies and the lyrics. Hands free — I loved that.
Just a bunch of tunes came from that church.
On being present
I finally — after struggling with writing for a couple years — got back into it and just started looking at these songs and finding a similar thread running through them all, which was a combination of telling the story of what it's been like for trying to make a band work and what a headcase I've become through that.
I think a lot of these songs made me realize I've just been in a pretty unhealthy mental state trying to be a husband, dad, a friend, and a touring musician all at the same time. I don't think it's something I figured out how to do well.
And while at the same time, I haven't figured out how to do it well, I've collected a bunch of knowledge on how not to do it well and just found myself in this period of trying to put together a plan on how to get my head straight and be where I am, be present.
So the record really did just become about me digging through my feelings and trying to make sense of what the last six years have been like. Thematically, all the lyrics just feel like me. I just kind of feel proud of the fact that if nothing else, I was honest through it all.
On fatherhood
I think the thing in life that I fear the most is being a bad dad — my girls' growing up and wishing I had been present or wishing the time I was with them, I was less distracted.
The moments where I'm gone, and I feel like I'm not present, I always come and realize that it's not so much that we need to be physically together to be present with each other's emotions.
So I was just thinking if me being gone, that's the biggest risk I run kind of stumbling as a father, then maybe it's not so bad. Maybe we can figure it out.
The only way to not feel alone is be with who you're with.
Like I'm with people all the time and yet when we're on the road, I'm feeling lonely 'cause I'm not with my wife or my five-year-old. It's like I'll be with them when I'm with them.
I'm with my buddies right now. I'm with people who appreciate my art right now. There's just all these opportunities to feel whole that I was not allowing myself to accept.
Wilderado is on tour. You can find dates at wilderado.co/shows
Music featured in this episode:
- Wilderado - Stranger
- Jacob Tovar - I'm Gonna Get to Tulsa
- Wilderado - Take Some Time
- Wilderado - Head Right
- Wilderado - Outside My Head
- Wilderado - The Window
- Wilderado - Astronaut
- Wilderado - Surefire
- Leon Russell - Little Hideaway
- Wilderado - Mr. Major
- Wilderado - The Worst of It
- Wilderado - Help Me Down
- Wilderado - Surefire (Piano)
Subscribe to the Songwriters & Tour Riders podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or wherever you get podcasts.
