Acero’s WWE RAW Review 1.17.22

It is with a heavy heart that I dedicate this week’s report to Ex-Collector, aka Pete. I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, about this small circle of the world where it’s highly probably we may NEVER meet in person, yet share some of the most intimate moments of our lives almost willingly without wondering how we may be judged. IN this circle alone, you’ve all been welcomed into my relationship more than close friends; we’ve stood up for our transgender friends, support excessive alcoholism, and pat the back of the buddy who shares the same masturbatory habits.

In that same vein, Ex-Collector allowed us into possibly the darkest time of his life, and did it with a smile. He allowed us a peek behind the screen, joked with us, commented and read my report, and was, in every single sense of the word, one of the guys. To your family, you’re always welcome here. To you, Ex-Collectorm, Pete. RIP man. Tell Larry I said Fuck you and I love you.

One of Pete’s wishes was for us to donate to St. Jude, so if you need the link, CLICK HERE!

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

RAW starts off in Oklahoma with Becky Lynch ready to wax poetic on how great she is.

Becky takes credit for the RAW Women’s Division being hotter than its ever been. So hot that we have stars from generations’ passed. Lita, Mickie James, The Bella Twins, all hoping they can win the Rumble and get the chance to challenge The Van GOAT. Face it, we need her; she makes stars out of people. She has kindly given Niven the biggest shot of her life at the biggest events of the year. We? We were not clamoring for Piper to get a title match. She didn’t get herself a title match, Becky got her one, because that’s what she does – she makes people better, then she beats them.

Becky admires the tenacity. She’s made a name for herself – no, wait, she had someone else name her. Becky says a Duodrop will never be a champion, not as long as Becky runs this industry.

Out comes Piper with a scowl. She tells Becky that she got her title shot on her own, and tells Becky to stay out of her way.

Becky says she DID help her last week, and she can also help her this week.

Bianca comes out with a mic, and wants to remind Becky and all of us that we cannot spell greatest without EST. Yes, this is true…

Bianca tells Piper that the only reason she’s facing Becky is because Lynch was so afraid of Bianca that she had to interfere. Becky is just buying time, tohugh, because Becky will be in the Rumbel match, and it will be every woman for herself. If she’s gotta throw every 29 over the top, then she will do it, and main event Mania…again.

Liv comes out to say nothing of importance until Piper snores and asks for a ref to get the action going now.

Match 1: HOW CAN THEY CO-EXIST TAG TEAM MATCH
Bianca Belair and Liv Morgan vs Piper Niven and Becky Lynch
Piper and Bianca start, with Piper looking to make short work before Becky gets a blind tag and tells her to get out, because she will be leading them to victory. Bianca dropkicks her then tags in Liv. Liv with a right to Piper on the apron. Dropkick to Becky, running knee in the corner. Back elbow from Liv. She dives off with another dropkick, bounce off the ropes with some knees to the face and a cover for 1..2.NO!! Piper stops the tag, in comes Bianca, wants the KOD, but cant lift her. Piper shoves her to the buckle then falls through the ropes as Liv holds them. Rollup from Becky, she’s on the ropes. 1..2..NO!!! Liv with an escape, right, Becky ducks under. Manhandle Slam! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Piper drops atop both girls to stop the pin! She drags Becky to the corner, but doesn’t tag her.

Piper covers Liv, ref explains that there was no tag made, so she hits the apron and tags herself in, hits the ropes, crossbody slam to Liv! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Piper Nivens and Becky Lynch

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:45

We are back to the show and Kevin Owens is here to have hisself a lil talk show. He calls Tulsa brutal, he’s an honest man, and the truth is that tonight he has a very special guest. It’s his best friend, and after he beats Roman at the Royal Rumble, like he’s done in the past, he is someone Owens will call Universal Champion.

A quick recap of Reigns and Seth on Smackdown, where Seth outsmarts The Usos, and gets back in the face of Reigns. He knows Reigns because he is Reigns.

Back live, and both Owens and Rollins push down the chairs, because they want to stand. Owens wants to say something from the heart. He admires Seth so much. There is so much he admires. He looks marvelous tonight. He also admires Seth’s courage. Do we realize how much guts it took for Seth to show up on Smackdown and walk right into the lion’s den? Seth set the table.

Seth says Kevin hit the nail on the head. Friday, Roman got a little testy, but Reigns is rattled. He’s a little scared, Seth thinks. He says he’s going to win the title and turn it red and bring it to RAW.

Kevin says if Seth wins the title, they can get rid of Brock and Bobby.

This drags on for a bit too long, where they say nothing of importance until Owens declares himself as a participant in this year’s Royal Rumble match. He says when he wins it, it’ll be Seth vs Kevin, and that’s pretty great.

Damian Priest’s music hits to, presumably, drag this on even longer.

Seth tells Priest that he promises Kevin will kick his ass if he comes down here. Priest says no one believes that Seth can beat Reigns at the Royal Rumble, and Owens is just a liar, so no one thinks he’ll win the Rumble. He says that if they don’t want to see the Damian side of him, don’t wake him up. As for his match with Kevin, that starts now.

Just like me after a Vina Sky scene, Veer is still coming…

Match 2: Kevin Owens vs Damian Priest
Priest attacks with some viciousness after the bell. He gets to the apron, kicks high in the face, but Owens kicks the leg out from under priest, stomps him a few times, then hits a quick running senton. He locks the chin from behind. Owens kicks off the ropes, a chop, another. Owens calls this good, clean wrestling, a clean match. Priest agrees. Right, left, right, leg lariat to Owens. Priest rushes the corner, but Owens slips to the outside. Priest leaves the ring as the ref starts the count, runs up the steps, flies, and owens hits a Superkick! Owens to the apron! Frog Splash off the apron onto Priest! Nice angle.

Back and Priest is now in charge. He lifts Owens with one arm and slams him down face first. Priest rushes the corner, back elbow. Locks the head, Owens escaspes, hits a right hand, shoots to the ropes, but priest comes back with a hard clothesline. Broken Arrow from Priest. 1..2…NO!!!! Priest sits Owens on the top rope, hits a right hand, starts the climb. Owens fights back. Priest with a right, another. Owens stands, Priest locks the head, tries for a superplex, but Owens fights back some more, hitting rights, then a headbutt. Another. Priest drops down, Owens with a swanton bomb! 1…2…NO!!! Priest tries for Reckoning, but Owens shoots him to the ropes! Popup powerbomb! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Owens tries for a Stunner, Priest spins him, kick, chokeslam! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!

Priest whips Owens, he collapses, showing some pain in the knee. Ref stands him, Owens says he’s too injured. Owens wants a trainer. Priest walks over, and Owens kicks then hits a stunner! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Kevin Owens
If you didn’t know it before, you must be totally sure now that Kevin Owens is a liar. The final four minutes was fun, everything before that was average.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:53

Alpha Academy’s Graduation Ceremony is next…

But before that, we’d like to remind you that Nikki attacked Rhea last week. We go live backstage, and she has a match with Rhea, soon. She says she stands on her own, and couldn’t feel any better. Rhea should be down and out, mortified that she wasn’t the friend she thought she was. Nikki says Sarah’s facts are not straight. She says Rhea broke up the team, took their friendship and flushed it. She is the villain in all of this, and she is the closest that the people of Tulsa will ever be to having a hero. She is The People’s Hero, and sometimes, superheroes must do things that regular people wont understand.

Back to the ring, Chad and Otis are in the ring. Chad says he has no colleagues in the crowd because he’s an Olympian with a Masters who graduated with a 4.0. People boo, and he says don’t do that. Don’t boo education.

He says the odds of someone having a Masters degree in Oklahoma are slim to none. Chad wants to celebrate tonight; not just achievements, but a person. He says his list is long. But tonight is not about him. It’s about a tree trunk of a man in the ring. Last week, Otis applied his education and passed his final exam. Chad presents Otis with a diploma, Pomp and Circumstance hits, and Chad kisses Otis on the cheek. The floor is his.

Otis says he has been helped to reach his full potential, but now he has a warning: pure carnage to anyone that tries to take their titles.

Riddle is here in a cap and gown. He tells Otis that he looks pretty, pretty tight. He says when he got invited, he knew he had to come down and make a very special speech. It’s on a napkin. He wrote it this morning at the breakfast buffet.

Fellow graduates and Tulsinians, it felt like just last week Randy and I were the WWE RAW Tag Team Champions. We were living on the edge, driving with the top down, just a couple of wild stallions running free. But today is graduation day, and our lives will change forever. Randy would always say, ‘Life comes at you pretty fast—’

Gable interrupts, saying he was not invited. Tulsa cant afford to lose another brain cell, so please just leave.

Riddle tells ihm to take it easy, he’s not here to insult them. He is proud of them and their astronomical necks. Gable says they ruined the greatest night already, so what’s the point? A rematch? Gable says doesn’t think Riddle can define “rematch.”

Riddle says it’s like when you gotta light something up, twice.

A rematch sounds like a sick idea, though.

Gable chuckles, says he cant even define it, no wonder Orton left him high and dry.

Gable will offer a rematch under one condition – Riddle must face them in an Alpha Academy Academic Challenge. Camera zooms in on Otis’ face, which looks very concerned.

Riddle wonders if this is like Billy Madison, or maybe Wheel of Fortune? Riddle calls Gable a hamster or something, and Otis is pissed. He rips his gown off, leaves the ring, and stalks Riddle. Orton comes from out of nowhere, hits an RKO on Gable. Otis turns around, Riddle hits a running knee to the back. Riddle gets in the ring and grabs Otis’ gown. He wants Orton to put it on. Orton obliges as Gable and Otis seemingly cannot enter the ring.

Orton grabs a mic to accept.

Backstage, Vince is watching RAW in just as awkward an angle as everyone else.

My mistake, it’s just a still of Finn celebrating his win.

Theory says ok, but after that match, he beat the hell out of Finn. Almost ended his career. It’s almost like a half-victory.

Vince tells Theory that he needs to win tonight then beat Finn up. And if he doesn’t, Vince will beat Theory up. He’ll pull out an equalizer and beat Theory down to nothing but blood, snot, and teeth, then he’ll take a selfie and send it to Theory’s mother.

Match 3: Austin Theory vs Finn Balor
Rope work is short as Theory hits a back elbow. He’s showing some major tenacity, possibly due to Vince’s threats. He sends Finn outside, into the apron, then into the barricade. He rolls into the ring as the ref hits 5. Theory hops out at 6, tells the camera man to move, looks to send Finn into the barricade again, but Finn reverses and sends Theory flying. Slingblade takes us to a commercial.

We return to Finn grabbing Austin on the apron, but Theory hangs him up. Theory shoots through the ropes, but Finn is prepared this time around and hits a slingblade. Theory lifts Finn, drops him on the ropes, looking for ATL, but Finn stops it, rolls up Theory. 1..2…NO!!! Finn to the apron. He drops Theory. Finn to the top rope! He tries to finish it!!!

Theory rolls out of the way, then INTO a dropkick to Finn!!! ATL to Finn! Cover for 1..2…..3!!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
Roughly half of this match was during the break, so it never got off to consistent spin. Couple this with the reality that we’ve pretty much already seen the exact same match, this was kind of meh.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:03

Theory attacks Finn with some mounted punches then hits another ATL. Theory shouts for Finn to expect the unexpected, then takes a selfie.

Sarah asks Rhea how she feels about being held responsible. Rhea said they could have stayed friends. Rhea doesn’t forgive easily. What kind of hero attacks their friend. If Nicki thinks she’s the villain, than Nikki is more delirious than she thought, so tonight she will remind her and everyone exactly who Rhea Ripley is.

Before Rhea v Nikki can start, Zelina and Carmella come out to say that everything they said was true, and Vega claims that she is Rhea’s fairy godmother? Ok. Carmella has been tellin Rhea for weeks that if she stuck with nikki, she’d never be a threat, but maybe they’re too late. From where they are standing, Rhea looks like a low-class loser. Without her security blanket, does Rhea have what it takes? Vega says she is queen. Rhea will be left standing there covered in trash looking for the next person to leech off of because she doesn’t have the guts to be champion all on her own.

Nikki takes that opportunity of a distraction to attack Rhea from behind. She punches Rhea over and over until Rhea kicks her back, then Nikki sends her theough the ropes to the outside. Nikki kicks through the ropes then hops down to the mat outside. She grabs Rhea and sends her into the steps back first.

The match, it appears, will not happen.

Last Monday, Omos tried to murder Reggie.

This week, Dana and Reggie pull out some third grade acting lessons while Truth, aKira, Tamina, and a ref watch eating popcorn.

Akira, Truth, and Tamina are all here to watch. The bell rings and…

Match 4: Omos vs Reggie

Reggie flies off the top rope, Omos catches him, hits the Tree Slam, and the ref covers for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Omos
NO
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: NR

Maryse, apparently, wants to confront Beth Phoenix.

She is out with her clutch. She says her hubby aint here tonight, and as per usul, he likes to make some decisions without her consent, so she’s gotta come out and clean up his mess. She asks Beth to please come out alone and talk to her, woman to woman, mother to mother.

She does NOT come out alone, as Edge is right behind her.

Maryse stops Beth on the ramp, says there is no other way to put this – the RR match must be cancelled.

Beth wonders why, this oughta be good.

Maryse says she doesn’t want the match, Beth doesn’t, and the crowd doesn’t either. Maryse does Miz’s really bit. She says that she has a microphone, and she can be louder than everyone in the crowd. It doesn’t matter what we think. She says they’ve been through battles and wars backstage, remember the two-minute matches? (checks time on Nikki vs Rhea…)

Maryse says that women today are main eventing Mania because of them. They shouldn’t be fighting, they should be a unit, should be friends. Think of their daughters. They should do play dates and dinners and coffee and talk it out.

Beth says she speaks for everyone when she tells Maryse to just shut up.

Beth ain’t buyin it. Obviously, she takes acting lessons from Miz. Beth will boil this down simply. The tag team match will not be off. She won’t miss the chance to tag team with her husband for the first time in WWE history, and definitely wont miss the chance to slam Maryse’s ass through the canvas. In fact, let’s give them a preview.

Beth enters the ring.

Miz tries to attack Edge from out of nowhere. Beth takes the bait, is distracted, and Maryse smacks her with her purse. Maryse slips out of the ring to meet her husband at the bottom of the ramp.

We learn that inside the purse is a brick.

The Street Profits talk about having a dream. Rey Mysterio rushes in on them and tries to match their energy.

Match 5: The Street Profits, Rey Mysterio, and Dominik Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler, Robert Roode, Apollo Crews, and Commander Azeez
Dom and Dolph t start. Go behind but Dolph hits a back elbo. He hits the ropes, Dom follows, hops up for a rana, then gets hit with a clothesline. Tag to Roode, who punches the stomach then tries for a suplex. Dom hits a few knees, lands on his feet, tag to Rey, he comes in with a rana, Roode misses a clothesline, another rana sends Roode lying. Rey in the corner, lands on his feet, high kick, to the top rope, he dives for yet another rana, botches, Roode tries to powerbomb, Rey ranas him to the outside. Dom enters, Dolph sends him over the top rope, Ford with a high ropkick, everyone leaves the ring, and we get a four on four face off.

Back from break and Apollo hits a standing moonsault on Rey for 1..2….NO!!!! Rey with a surprise DDT! Dawkins on the apron. Tag to him, here he comes to cloteslnie Apollo, sends Azeez off the apron, Dolph off the apron, back elbow to Apollo, T-Bone Suplex to Roode, a suplex to Ziggler, spinning splash in the corner, double underhook and a neckbreaker. Pin for 1..2.NO!!! Azeez is in to enziguri him, then Roode and Ziggler toss Ford over the top rope. Double dropkick from Rey and Dom, double 619. Dom to the top rope, flies off into the arms of Azeez, but Rey is here to hit a seated senton onto Azeez.

In the ring, Apollo gets a rollup for 1..2..NO!!!! Spinebuster! Tag to Ford! Ford to the top rope! He flies! Frog Splash! 1…..2…..3!!!

Winners: Rey Mysterio, Dominik Mysterio, and The Street Profits
Another match eaten away by a commercial, and very sloppy, particularly on Rey’s part.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 8:01

While Street Profits celebrate, Rey and Dom flip them over the top rope.

Then Rey flips his son over the top rope to the outside.

Video package of a farm boy and an army brat and their inevitable clash.

Last week, we learned that Alexa Bliss has yet to wash The Fiend off of her. This week, let’s see if we’ve gotten any sunnier.

Back to the show, and Miz and Maryse are gloating at their attack on Edge and Beth. Next week is Maryse’s birthday, so yay for shenanigans.

We are back to the doctors office, where Bliss is seated cross-legged on a chair. The doc welcomes her back, says there are fewer things to break this week, she isn’t so sure about that. He’s willing to continue to see her as a patient. He apologizes for reminded her of such a traumatic event. They have a lot of work, but at the end of this, she’ll be well on the road to recovery.

He wants to do some word association. He asks about Trust. She says Lily. Friend. Lily. Home? Lily. Doll. Lily. Imaginary…

Alexa stands up, looking to break something, but the doctor says time is up. Bliss stands in anger, then finds her Zen and takes a seat.

That’s it…

Match 6: Bobby Lashley vs Seth Rollins
We start with Lashley just dropping Seth hard and flexing. Interesting camera work here, with the cam seemingly IN the ring. Odd choice, but I kinda like it. Lockup and a waist lock, Lashley fligs Seth off, Seth drops under, hits the ropes, slingblade. Rollins sends Lashley outside. Suicide dive! Another! Lashley stops him, locks the hips, and hits a belly to belly!

We are back, and Rollins swings Lashley’s leg INTO the ringpost. Again! Seth back in the ring, wraps the leg around the ropes and pulls until the ref breaks the hold. Seth with a submission, wrapping the leg. He turns this into a half crab. Lashley up on his elbows, Seth releases, stomps, and gets the hold in again. Lashley turns, kicks Seth out, Seth comes back with a stomp, but Lashley moves! He takes Seth out! Both men down! Bobby up! Belly to belly! Another! Shoulder in the corner! Neckbreaker! Gutwrench from Lashley. He drops Seth. Cover! 1..2..NO!!!! Seth kicks! Surprise Pedigree!!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! To th corner! Lashley heads up. He locks the hips and sends Seth FLYING over his head to the mat! Damn….lol.

Shelton and Cedric are here! They attack Lashley for the DQ!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley via DQ
This was goin great till the end. Totally get why they did it, so I aint upset, but damned it was getting good.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:07

Lashley is able to make short work of both Cedric and Shelton, sending them flying every which way, and Cedric into the ringpost. SPEAR TO SHELTON into the barricade!!

THE USOS are here!! Superkick to Seth!

End Show