“When I have learned to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.” – C.S. Lewis
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” – Bible (Colossians 3:14)
Jack and Jill were having marital difficulties. In particular Jill was unhappy with the overall behavior and maybe even character of Jack. Jill admitted Jack was a good man. He treated her with respect, although he did get angry at times. But he never abused her and he recognized his anger and was quick to repent.
The main problem was that they were just different. Jill was beginning to think the differences were much more than she had bargained for. They almost seemed insurmountable. Jill couldn’t say that she no longer loved Jack, but she wasn’t sure she liked him anymore.
Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham, was once asked if she had ever contemplated divorcing her husband. Her reply: “Divorce? No. Murder? Yes.”
We’ve probably all had run-ins at one time or another with our friends and family. Usually we get over them, although it may take a real effort in forgiveness. With friends we can go our separate ways and then get back together when the time is right. With family, and especially with a spouse, that separation is more difficult. An oft-used phrase says we can choose our friends but not our family.
Marital relationships are unique. Initially they are formed through choice. But once we’ve entered into marriage, our choice is what the marriage should look like, and not whether it should continue.
This of course is utilizing God’s design for marriage; the world has different ideas. However, it’s wise to operate according to God’s rules; they are the only ones that work.
As has been noted here in the past, the Bible has several words for love. The one that shows up only in the New Testament, with the advent of Jesus, is agape, which means unconditional love. That’s the kind of love God says our marriages should exhibit. It’s God’s love for us, and we are to show that to our spouses.
To put it simply, we are to love our spouse regardless of their behavior. That doesn’t condone violence or abuse in marriage; they are not acceptable and need to be addressed. But God’s love for us is true even if we disobey him and even deny his existence. Our love for our spouse must be the same.
Romantic love is wonderful. It’s a big part of what gets things started. But it can’t keep things going. As noted in our opening scenario, reality sets in. Neither husband or wife are perfect. That’s not news. However, it’s also not easy to deal with sometimes. That’s God’s real agape love needs to take over. We learn to see our spouse through God’s eyes.
As has been said, “God loves because that is His nature and the expression of His being. He loves the unlovable and the unlovely, not because we deserve to be loved or because of any excellence we possess, but because it is His nature to love and He must be true to His nature.” (Author unknown)
At 6 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 28, at the Woodside Plantation, FAMCO will host its annual Marriage Celebration. The speaker will be Cherell Shaw Butler. She is the owner and director of Complete Care Counseling LLC and a clinical supervisor. Complete Care Counseling is an outpatient counseling program for individuals and families who experience mental health challenges. She has a master’s degree in Social Work specializing in individual, family and group therapy.
Butler has been involved with many activities and agencies in support of the family. One of her favorite scriptures is “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you helped His people and continue to help them.” (Hebrews: 6:10).
Please contact FAMCO for further information and tickets.
