Openhearted Bold & Beautiful Fave Shares What Got Her Through ‘Missing My Husband More Than I Thought I Could Bear’
Wednesday, January 5th, 2022
Alley Mills has found a “new insight into suffering.”
Put yourself in the shoes of Alley Mills for even a second, and you’re likely to want to step back. In early 2020, she lost Orson Bean, her husband of 27 years, in a horrific accident. But, as crushing as it was, the tragedy didn’t break the Bold & Beautiful actress, it opened her eyes to a new perspective, one that she shared as 2021 was heading for the exit.
“This is for any of you out there who have lost loved ones in these past years of COVID and are feeling tremendous loss and not sure how to find the courage to move on or past those feelings of loss,” she told SoapCentral. “What I feel was the most helpful thing I was able to focus on amidst all my grief and missing my husband more than I thought I could bear at New Year’s was just how grateful I am for having had him all these years and for, as weird as this may sound, the new insight into suffering that losing him gave me towards other people in the same ditch.
“I saw the world as having this great gash through it, like a giant river of suffering,” she continued, “and there I was, floating on it with so many thousands of others just like me.”
That sense allowed Mills, who first played Pam back in 2006, to gaze in wonder through new eyes. “There’s just an odd beauty to that,” she said, “to be able to hold out a hand to another floating and find solace and love and a strange kind of purpose in sharing your loss and your love.”
Before you move on to read another story, reflect on the year gone by with our photo gallery that revisits 2021’s highs, lows and everything in between on The Bold and the Beautiful.
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
1/29
<p>Okay, sure… technically, Fauxpe — aka the mannequin that looked exactly like Hope — was gone by the time 2021 started. Her impact, however, continued to linger, and if you think we weren’t going to jump at the chance to kick things off with a photo of the story which had been our favorite in 2020, you’re as crazy as we thought Thomas was until the truth about his brain tumor came to light. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
2/29
<p>Thanks to Liam’s “snog first, ask questions later” policy, he and Steffy had to decide whether or not to tell their respective significant others that they’d slept together after he mistook Thomas kissing the mannequin for the designer locking lips with Hope. Worse, this put Steffy in the awkward position of not knowing whether she was carrying Liam or Finn’s baby. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
3/29
<p>Paris may have been wearing pink, but Zoe was seeing green where her sister was concerned. Claiming Paris was encroaching on her life (but actually aware that her sister had caught Zende’s eye), Zoe ordered her to get outta town. Of course, given that Zoe was engaged to Carter, she shouldn’t have cared quite so much about Zende and Paris’ budding relationship, but… well, a girl’s gotta have a back-up plan, right? </p>
Image: Adam Torgerson/CBS
4/29
<p><em>The Young and the Restless</em>‘ Summer swung through Los Angeles not only to pose awkwardly for this photo, but to dig up dirt on rival Sally. While Flo didn’t come right out and reveal that Wyatt’s ex had faked a fatal illness in an attempt to get him back, she did send Summer back to Genoa City with enough dirt to try and bury her nemesis. </p>
Image: CBS screenshot
5/29
<p>As you can see, Hope was not particularly thrilled when the paternity tests seemed to indicate that her husband had yet again fathered a child with Steffy. Not pictured: Finn, having a very similar reaction. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
6/29
<p>Proving that nothing comes between a Logan girl and her sisters, Flo managed to earn the forgiveness of Brooke, Donna and Katie… if not necessarily the audience, who largely continued to refer to Hope’s aunt as “Felony Flo” for her part in the Bethnapping saga. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
7/29
<p>Not only did Flo get forgiven and a job at Forrester Creations, but the Logan sisters also suggested she legally change her last name. Hearing this, Wyatt wondered if perhaps she’d consider taking his. The happy couple got engaged in March… only to basically disappear for the rest of the year. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
8/29
<p>Thanks to a few cryptic comments, Thomas began to suspect that drug dealer-turned-lab-tech Vinny messed with Steffy’s paternity test results. Eventually, Vinny confessed and ran off before he could be arrested. (Don’t worry, we’ll be hearing more about him momentarily… ) </p>
Image: CBS screenshot
9/29
<p>Rather than put Finn through the torture of watching her give birth to Liam’s baby, Steffy was all set to hop a plane for Paris. But knowing he was the actual dad, Finn rushed to prevent her from leaving and — after taking a torturously long time to fill her in on the truth — popped the question. </p>
Image: CBS screenshot
10/29
<p>In a moment as shocking as it was simple, Steffy — ready to start her new life with Finn — finally took down the picture of her and Liam which had hung in the living room for years. (What do you wanna bet it’s in storage… just in case… ) </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
11/29
<p>What should have been a wonderfully romantic night for Paris and Zende took a turn for the grotesque after Zoe slipped her sister some of Eric’s digestive-aiding meds. We’re not sure which was more embarrassing — the sounds which emerged from Paris that evening or that fact that Quinn, who’d provided Zoe with the drugs, was dragged into this juvenile mess. </p>
Image: CBS screenshot
12/29
<p>Although he and Hope had separated thanks to his latest tryst with Steffy, things were looking up for Liam… until he wound up plowing down Vinny! Worse, Liam was so shook by the incident that he passed out, leaving dad Bill to make a bad situation worse by leaving the scene of the crime! </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
13/29
<p>Despite Bill’s best efforts to keep his son from confessing, Liam couldn’t live with the guilt and spilled his guts. Determined to protect Liam by claiming responsiblity, the publisher, too, came clean… resulting in both of them being arrested and thrown behind bars! </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
14/29
<p>This next part won’t make a lot of sense, so don’t ask too many questions and we’ll all get through it just fine. Ready? Thomas found a video on his phone revealing Poor Dead Vinny threw himself in front of the car on purpose. How did he know Liam would be driving? Given that the video included Vinny getting hit and dying, how did it get sent to Thomas? So. Many. Questions. Not a single answer that makes sense. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
15/29
<p>When Thomas discovered the Liam-clearing video, he made the mistake of telling Justin. Enjoying being large and in charge at Spencer Publications in Bill’s absence, Justin opted to delay the truth coming out by locking Thomas in a cage conveniently located in the building’s basement. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
16/29
<p>Hope eventually clued in to Justin’s bad deeds and set Thomas free. Together, they presented the evidence which cleared Liam and Bill… after which all three of them basically slipped into the background until late in the year, at which time Liam and Hope would finally get a new storyline. Bill promptly fired Justin for his antics and then, well, pretty much disappeared for the rest of the year. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
17/29
<p>Although Carter and Zoe got engaged, he broke things off upon finding out that she’d basically been keeping her options open where Zende was concerned. Zoe being Zoe, she somehow managed to blame Paris (if only in her own mind) and set her sights on reclaiming Carter’s heart. Unfortunately, she picked the world’s worst wing woman… </p>
Image: CBS screenshot
18/29
<p>What started as Quinn pleading Zoe’s case to Carter ended up with Eric’s wife and his CFO in bed together! It turned out that Eric had been keeping Quinn at both an emotional and physical distance and, well, a woman’s got needs! The illicit lovers swore it would never happen again, but… yeah. It did. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
19/29
<p>Zoe realized that Carter had slept with someone else… so Shauna stepped forward to claim she’d had a one-night stand with the hunk! Realizing the error of their ways, Carter and Quinn reunited with Zoe and Eric, respectively. But they contined to be drawn back to one another… </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
20/29
<p>When Eric and Quinn decided to renew their vows, we knew two things would happen: Carter would be asked to officiate, and that would put him front-and-center as the secret came to light. Sure enough, Paris overheard the truth and passed the info on to Brooke, who was only too happy to rain on Quinn’s parade. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
21/29
<p>Did Zoe lose her ish after finding out about Carter’s fling with Quinn? Nah, she sort of shrugged, hugged it out with Paris (bygones!) and jetted off to <span style="text-decoration: line-through">Fantasy Island</span> Paris. The most interesting thing about her exit? That it left Paris to couch-surf for several months. Guess being head of the Forrester charitable foundation doesn’t pay as well as you might think! </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
22/29
<p>Despite having made zero reference to his past for over a year, Finn suddenly felt he couldn’t possibly go another day without telling her he’d been adopted by Jack and Li. No sooner had they arrived in town than it became clear that Jack was keeping a secret or two… one of which invovled a face very familiar to viewers. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
23/29
<p>On Steffy and Finn’s wedding day, everyone was shocked to learn that his biological mother was none other than the notorious Sheila. Well, everyone but Jack, who’d known all along, what with being not only Finn’s adoptive but biological dad. Oh, and the audience, thanks to the show running ads revealing the major twist a week in advance. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
24/29
<p>Eric reunited with Quinn but erectile dysfunction had him urging his wife to seek satisfaction in the arms — and bed — of her ex-lover, Carter. Although Quinn and Carter resisted one another for approximatley 12 minutes, when Eric gave them written permission, they felt they had no choice but to sleep together again. After all, her hubby had written <em>a note </em>people! </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
25/29
<p>With a little help from Donna and her ever-present bottles of honey, Eric got his mojo back… at least with her. It took a bit longer before he was able to have a similar, er, reaction with Quinn. Eventually, however, Eric and his wife closed the door on their brief experiment with open marriage. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
26/29
<p>Even as her relationship with Zende grew more serious, Paris found herself fantasizing about Finn, being crushed on by Thomas and bonding with Carter. Zende, meanwhile, had eyes only for his girlfriend and made plans to propose to her on New Year’s Eve. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
27/29
<p>Each at loose ends, Katie and Carter seemed to be drifting into a romance. After all, it’s not like there are slews of gorgeous, unattached people in the tiny town of Los Angeles. At the same time, he began serving as a confidante to Paris and it began to seem as if there might be something brewing between Zoe’s ex and her sister. </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
28/29
<p>Although she doesn’t look pleased here, Hope was thrilled when dad Deacon showed up in Los Angeles wanting to reconnect. Once he distanced himself from Sheila, Deacon made real inroads with both Hope and her mom, Brooke… much to the displeasure of Ridge. But before long, someone came along who was happy to keep Ridge distracted… </p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
29/29
