Woman Defends Choice Not to Allow Daughter Around Mother-in-Law Unsupervised in Viral Post

A woman's decision to not allow her mother-in-law to spend time with her daughter unsupervised was supported by people who read her viral post under Reddit's "Am I the A**hole."

Reddit user pep-rika221 wrote in her post—which received more than 11,000 votes—that she and her husband, J, have a 10-month-old daughter, C. Her mother-in-law (MIL), the Redditor said, has been asking when C will have her ears pierced since the child's birth. pep-rika221 said C will not have her ears pierced until she asks to have them done, but the mother-in-law disagreed with that choice.

"She says it's hypocritical of me considering all the piercings I have (several piercings on both ears, plus my nose), but my own mother wouldn't let me even get my earlobes pierced until I was 10," pep-rika221 wrote. "MIL had both SILs (sisters-in-law) pierced when they were tiny, and she keeps going on about how 'it's better because they won't remember it.'"

pep-rika221 noted her husband has supported her whenever she decides to have their daughter's ears pierced.

The issue at hand arose when pep-rika221 overheard a discussion that her mother-in-law was having with C.

"As I was coming down the stairs I hear MIL talking to C about how 'they're going to go out shopping and get her some pretty earrings.'"

It was then that pep-rika221 told her mother-in-law that would not happen, and if she did not respect her boundaries, pep-rika221 would ask someone else to look after C.

Some couples may find themselves grappling with an in-law who oversteps boundaries, but an article published with Today's Parent outlined a few different solutions.

One of the points made was for couples to act as a team. Both individuals should be on the same page when it comes who how they plan to parent their children even before they set boundaries with their in-laws.

When something goes wrong, the piece suggests having an open and honest conversation, but that may not always work. In that case, Andrea Ramsay Speers, a psychotherapist who works with families and marriages, said it may be time to hire a caregiver who would follow instructions set forth by the parents.

Meanwhile, pep-rika221 explained that her mother-in-law had been trying to take C out for a few hours and offered to keep the child overnight to give pep-rika221 and her husband a chance to go out.

"I refused, I told MIL she could come back and visit her, but I no longer trusted her not to get her ears pierced behind my back," pep-rika221 wrote. She said her husband and sisters-in-law told her she is overreacting.

Mother Daughter Conflict
Stock image. Redditors are showing their support for a mother who said she no longer allows her mother-in-law to spend time with her daughter without supervision. TatyanaGl/Getty Images

However, commenters backed pep-rika221 for her decision. One of them claimed this happened to them and their child, and they decided to press assault charges and sue the company that did it without their permission.

"I would go ahead and talk to your local precinct and let them know you have a relative who has been explicitly told they aren't allowed to be alone with your child due to threats of body modification and you want it on record she has been warned," another commenter wrote.

A different commenter said she was the daughter that had her ears pierced without her mother's knowledge. That commenter said she dealt with pain for months and, despite her mother taking the earrings out, her grandmother would put them back in. She later learned she was allergic to the material in the earrings.

Another Reddit user commented that the behavior exhibited by the mother-in-law is selfishness, bordering on narcissism: "The grandma wants her grandchild to be a doll that's shaped for her, and part of that adorable image includes pierced ears."

Newsweek reached out to pep-rika221 for further comment.

Uncommon Knowledge

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

About the writer


Catherine Ferris is a Newsweek reporter based in New York. Her focus is reporting for the U.S. Trends Team. She ... Read more

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